Toddler (3 years) won’t play with others in group settings

[PennyRose0825]

My toddler (just turned 3) goes to nursery three days a week. The other two weekdays we frequently go to local play groups. So she’s very used to other children.

She loves playgroups, but won’t play with other children and often gets upset if they try to play with her. She always wants me to play with her, so I thought it was just because I was there. But I’ve recently found out it’s a thing at nursery too.

If we go to a playground or soft play centre, she will happily approach other children and introduce herself. And it’s not unusual for her to make a friend and play with them. She also has so much fun at 1:1 play dates and plays so well (even if it’s child she’s not familiar with).

But as soon as she’s in a group setting, she just wants to play alone and doesn’t engage with the other kids. She will join in with whole group activities like songs or dancing.

Her nursery mentioned it in her recent report. They didn’t voice it as a major concern, but they emphasised her solitary play quite a few times and said they wanted to help support her with joining in other children’s games. Everything else was positive and she’s often praised for being very sweet and gentle. At home she’s outgoing, funny and confident. She is naturally shy and can take a while to warm to adults. I’m just not sure how to support her in this, or if it’s something I even need to worry about.
Do I just let nursery work on this, while I continue to facilitate play dates and opportunities for socialising?! I don’t want to push and make her feel uncomfortable at playgroups.

It just made me sad for her at nursery drop off after Christmas holidays. The other children were excited to see each other, squealing each others names and hugging. She just got ignored and went off to play by herself.

She’s still very young for much play with others. She does play and she does reach out to others for social interaction. She just sounds a bit shy in busier group settings. I don’t think that’s anything to be too worried about. I’d just keep building her confidence and encourage the 1 to 1 play.

Thank you!
I think it got in my head a little after nursery mentioned it, especially as it came as a bit of a surprise. She always comes home from nursery and tells me all about the other children, calls them her friends and frequently mentions a few specific kids by name, so I just assumed she was engaging with them!
I will continue what I’ve been doing and let the nursery team support her as they see best.

My DD was like this & I did make an effort to organise group things & tried getting her into things like rainbows, gym, ballet, footie.

It was flagged up by nursery & school. As she has got older she is getting more confident. But it was hard watching at primary school when she was often excluded from meet ups. I think some children just prefer to play alone. It’s actually quite a skill being able to play independently. We have never had any friendship drama or any issues with online nastiness etc She has a part time job now which has helped a lot.

They are all so different. Some skills one child will get quickly and others will be slower.

Social skills such as joint play is no different to taking a bit more time in word play or sensory play or fine motor skills.

There is a wide range of normal and schools/ nurseries/ health visitors will keep an eye to see if any child is grossly outside this range.

Thank you! I think that’s all I can do, just keep taking her places to socialise and give her those opportunities to develop those skills. Her confidence has definitely come on leaps and bounds in the last year, so I’m hoping that will continue.

Thank you for the reassurance. I like that way of looking at it, considering the bigger picture and her overall development. I really am a worrier and an over-thinker in general, but I genuinely don’t have any concerns in any other areas of development for her. And when I see her play 1:1 at play dates all my worries disappear because she does so well. Then they creep back after playgroups. I will definitely try and keep things in perspective.