4 month old naps + toddler - help!!

[InSearchOfSleep]

Looking for advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation.

I have a 4 month old DS and a 2.4 yo DD. DS is a high sleep needs baby who can only stay awake 60-90 minutes before getting really cranky.

He gets overtired quickly and then becomes impossible to get to sleep. Staying on top of wake windows has become incredibly important and if we manage to do this, DS is a happy smiley baby. If the wake window is missed, he struggles for the rest of the day with lots of crying.

DD is in nursery three days a week. On these days I can focus on DS’s naps and (crucially) contact nap where needed to get as much sleep into him as possible.

However, the days with my DS and DD are proving tricky. DS fights naps, will not sleep in his cot, does not self settle and will only sleep in his carrier or pram if constantly moving. I cannot contact nap as I need to be looking after DD. Mornings with them both are easier, as we can get out and about and nap on the go, but I am really struggling with how much sleep he needs, the time/effort needed to get him to sleep, whilst also looking after DD. I cannot (for example) spend 30 mins+ bouncing him as inevitably DD needs something from me. Nor can I walk round the block every 90 minutes to try and get him to sleep in the carrier or pram.

I know this will all change as he needs less sleep etc, but this is definitely my biggest current challenge with two. It is exhausting and I am feeling incredibly guilty as I am just so distracted/focused on DS’s sleep that I am not as present with my DD as I would like.

Does anyone have any advice or tips to get through this tricky phase? Thanks!

Will he sleep in a carrier? I made sure we went out at nap time (bang on two year age gap with mine) as in the carrier the baby would sleep through soft play etc as I scrambled around after the toddler.

have you tried a Rokit on the pram? Might trick baby that you're moving. My baby's naps were very hard from 4 months onwards (luckily my one and only) so i cannot imagine balancing it with another kid!

Mine mostly just slept in the pram to/from taking the older child out places. I had this twice over as I have 3. It is tough, and there lots of times of tears from everyone involved, but as you say it really does just get easier and easier as they age. My youngest is 14 months now and they've been the worst napper of the 3 but also the lowest sleep needs and though we still have grumpy tired times and poor naps etc it's absolutely nothing like when he was a small baby, as he just obviously needs far less sleep and is easier to distract too.

Grit your teeth and before you know it you'll be the out the other side, I'm sorry I can't be more help!

Honestly, it’s the worst age for juggling this. I had my second in lockdown and the two year old was at home all the time! It’ll get much easier when they get to 6 months and get into a routine so you can put them to nap in their cot. For now, either a sling or rocking the pram back and forth in the hallway with loud white noise (to drown out the toddler).

I tried to run it like a military operation when my twins came along when DD1 was 2yo. Before DH left for work, I was showered and dressed. I had lots of small stuff prepped to distract DD1, plus snacks etc... The reality was that she ended up with way too much screen time!

I learnt to let go of unrealistic goals of not putting on Baby TV, or other toddler rubbish.

It's survival mode.

I had everything set up in the living room so I didn't need to leave her unattended when doing a nappy change etc

I had a toddler sling and a double buggy and tried to get out the house for a short walk each day, for at least one nap.

It's only a short time before you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's only a couple of days a week so please be kind to yourself.

Thanks all - really helpful and reassuring responses.

I have been militant with naps over the past few days and it seems to have really helped with creating a little bit more of a routine and avoiding overtiredness.

I have brought the pram inside (can’t believe I didn’t think of this before…) and pushed vicariously until asleep, then used the Rockit to lengthen the naps (until the dog inevitably wakes him up barking… agh). It’s been lovely as had my hands free to play with DD too.