Nearly 5 year olds behaviour

[Bringingupboys98]

My little boy is nearly 5. He started school in September and so far they have no concerns.

He's always been strong willed and defiant. We have embraced this as he's come out of the womb like this. He's known what he wants but is also so so clever, caring, adores his brother (2) and always been a great sleeper.
We have struggled with behaviour in the past but it's lasted a couple of weeks and we've come out the other side.

The last month we've noticed a huge change in him. The worst he's ever been. He's been acting completely different. I am treading on eggshell around him He's saying some awful things, that i'm a stupid old lady (?), that he's going to cut my face, going to poo on me, that he likes daddy more than me and visa versa.

Bedtimes are a nightmare, he will be visibly tired, we will put his younger brother to bed and we will sit with our older son and read, talk about our days, lie with him and he will be drifting off, next minute he will fly up, bounce off the walls, say he's not tired, asking us to chase him. Then he won't end up going to bed until 9pm!! He's been waking up each night and coming into our bed which he's never done before . then when he does he tosses and turns constantly and gets frustrated. I assume overtiedness but we try get him down between 1830-1900 as he's so tired from school but it never works.

Getting dressed has become a battle again and i end up getting kicked or punched in the face.

You know when you just feel like detached from him because he's acting like this? I've tried to spend 1-1 time and this works at the time then next minute he does something silly to spoilt it.

We have been praising any slight good behaviour with his stars, treats and positive reinforcement but then again the next minute he will act up again and I'm totally lost.

Don't know what i'm looking for with this post really. But it's 4am and He's lying next to me after keeping me up since 10 tossing and turning and getting frustrated in his sleep.

Just wondering can this be normal once starting school? Is this phase or is this my new child now?

Hes also kicking his little brother and winding him up more too, which again is out of character as he dotes on him! He's the best big brother ever but even my youngest is suffering from this too!

sorry last message,He's like this most around me. But everyone in the family has noticed the shift. He's not like this allll the time but id say 5 days out of 7 (and it's not just the days he's been at school, it's happened all through the holidays also)

What consequences have you put in place to punish him for his behaviour? Have you taken away treats, used a naughty step etc?

I wasn't sure what you meant when you say 'He's always been strong willed and defiant. We have embraced this'. Embracing defiance doesn't seem like a good idea as surely the child will become more defiant and not listen to you as seems to be the case now?.

Sorry no I worded that wrong, we don't praise him getting what he wants, we just mean he's always been confidant in himself, and good at making friends, good at communication etc and he's always been head strong.

We have tried the naughty step but it doesn't work as he laughs and gets off and runs around the house and with my other son needing me also I can't keep putting him on the step (i've tried believe me). We take away things he is playing with for so long, we have not taken him to the park when he's been misbehaved, turning tv off. I try get through to him first by asking him if he needs a cuddle or if anything is bothering him and getting down on his level, but sometimes he spits at me and I use a firm 'we do not spit' and hold his hands firmly if he's hitting then if he continues I tell him I am leaving the room as I don't like to be 'spit, hit etc'. Or if he's playing with his toys and he's being silly with them I'll say instead of kicking the ball into the blinds why don't we throw it into the toy bucket, and if he continues I'd take the ball away etc