Toxic grandmother/contact with child

[MamabearDee]

Hi all,
this is my first time posting on here because I am desperate for advice. My ex and I co parent our 7 year old and she goes there Friday-Sunday. His mother has always been a problem and mentally unstable, just angry and causing nothing but problems. Recently her behaviour is getting worse to the point she is now sectioned against her will, being sedated for violence etc. While I understand she’s unwell, my little girl has been caught in the middle of several incidents including trying to stop her from punching daddy etc. my ex lives with his mother and refuses to move out. My little girl says she is scared of her and never wants to see her again, but her daddy showed her photos of her and Nana and now very confused and feels bad for saying that. I’ve put my foot down and said she can’t see her again after she ruined my little girls Christmas. However, it’s not the first time my ex has agreed and then went back on it and 2 weeks later takes my little girl around his mum again. He is on birth certificate and uses that against me. There has been serveral times I’ve had to collect her at midnight when his mums kicked off. I absolutely don’t want to take my little girl away from her dad, but what can I do here if he lives with his mum?? Help.

Seek legal advice, you must have known what she was like when your child was born so it cant be that much of a surprise but someone legally qualified is best to advise

☝️If he can’t be trusted to keep his daughter safe and away from someone who is mentally unstable and violent then I would stop him taking her anywhere. He can then go to court while you, your solicitor and social services are working on your case to deny him unsupervised access

Could you collect evidence of his mother's behaviour? Obviously your child has witnessed things, but she may be afraid to say anything if asked by court/ social services or her dad might convince her not to. I think your word alone might not be enough to convince a court that your daughter can't spend time in her dad's home (double check but I'm sure being sectioned in the past is not enough to say she can't spend time with children, so collecting evidence of violent abusive behaviour would help you argue your case if it goes to court).

I would raise my concerns with social services and seek advice. Then if it goes to court, you will show (with evidence of messages to your ex raising your concerns) that you repeatedly tried to protect your daughter witnessing her grandmother's instability and abusive behaviour.

The other thing is to find a supervised contact centre nearby and arrange for the ex to meet your daughter there until he has ensured his mother is safe so you aren't cutting contact completely and your reasons are purely safeguarding.