So many meltdowns... 4yo

[Ee3yore]

DS Just turned 4 but hes always been prone to meltdowns and tantrums since as soon as he became a toddler really

He had delayed speech but now is being assessed by ENT as suspected adenoids due to his speech developing but mumbled up a bit (combined with drooling open mouth sleeping etc)

I just am wondering if its relating to a combo of his speech struggles and age, not being able to communicate properly how he feels etc

But also I have not concerns but I have noticed things that link to the autistm spectrum (i was diagnosed with aspergets at 14 and currently undergoing assessment for ADHD)

He is sensitive to sound, even his key person in nursery has got him some ear defenders as pre school gets loud and he can withdraw a bit. He tells me when his little sister (2) cries its too loud he gets distressed. The meltdowns , struggling to.commuicate , and he doesnt acknowledge peers much. Nursery started keeping an eye on him about september time but we noticed with family children he doesnt acknowledge them but knows of.them so will tell us he wants to see his cousins but wont speak to them.direvtly when in their presence? He is also a very very 'fussy' eater. Just some things I logged

Has anyone got any tips for meltdowns? I feel so sad. Today we had swimming lessons and again he is majorly behind the class. We've tried so many activites and this is one he started to join in but some lessons he kicks off wont take part , the class are his age and all the kids take part have a go. DS does stand out as he doesnt fully

Today was a tough one it was first day back at pre school in 3 week (winter break) and first swimming lesson back as they'd closed for christmas. He didnt do any of the lesson and just had a meltdown for 30 mins. Didn't want to leave when I asked him though but. Couldn't fully communicate why he didnt want to take part etc

Is this all normal? Today was a bad day. Hes had loads of fun while off (christmas, his birthday) so dont know if the first day back at pre school just set him out of sorts as he asked me when is he next off ( :( )

Most kids have tantrums.

some kids have much more then others.
because tantrums and meltdowns are developmentally normal it’s pretty hard to tell at this sort of age whether they’ll grow out of it or not.

for what it’s worth one of mine had epic tantrums.

problems with communicating tends to give more tantrums as well as they get frustrated.

swimming can also be tricky as it can be a bit of a sensory nightmare - I had a dc who I spent over a year persuading him to just join in with the class and we spent so many lessons just me and him sitting there at the side of the pool.

it does sound like there may be issues and it’s good nursery is monitoring.

re meltdowns - abc method is quite good to try to work out what us triggering them. This is where you look at:

A - antecedents - what was happening before the behaviours (meltdown)

b - behaviour - what did he actually do, in detail

c - consequences - eg did he not go swimming as a result, etc

the idea is it helps identify what is triggering meltdowns and so you can avoid triggers/try to slowly get him used to them.

Thank you! I hadn't heard of the abc method xx

And thanks for the reassurance. I constantly worry why he seems to not join in with extracurricular (tried a few others) and its hard I dont want to compare but I see the other kids joining in and worried am I not doing enough etc