Not sure I’m cut out for this…

[hearts1989g]

FTM to a beautiful 5 month old. Recently we all got super sick and Iv been pushed to my limit.
our house is a renovation project so living spaces such as the kitchen are freezing. I’m finding the ability to get anything done or even a cup of tea made near on impossible as I don’t want bring the baby near that part of the house.
im constantly tired, no time for the gym or to get my nails done and I slowly but surely feel like a shell of who I once was. Everything is hard and I’m feeling really down about things. I am comparing myself to those online or those I’m friends with (whether I know their situation or not) and am always the one coming up short.
im now really anxious about my baby or myself getting sick again (inevitable I know) and I’m feeling myself become more reclusive?
tell me it gets better. I always dreamed of having more kids but right now it seems bear on impossible…

Sounds normal. It does get easier.

It sounds like the renovation project is making things harder if you don’t want your baby in those parts of the house? Can you get the kitchen done so you can bring baby with you there and make yourself a cup of tea? Why is it you don’t have time for the gym? Can your partner look after baby one evening a week and you can go out?

Sounds normal. Most mums of small babies are not going to the gym regularly or getting their nails done, I think you have slightly skewed expectations there.

Babies under 1 are extremely intense. Some periods are easier, some are harder. I had a very easy life 5-8 months but I found 1-4 months and 8-11 months absolutely brutal.

Illness is part of it, it's absolutely horrendous once they get past 9 months and start socialising, they catch every bug out there.

Lower your expectations. Take the small wins. Accept your new life and find the positives.

Your life has well and truly changed. Most mums find things hard.

It does get better.
Nothing worse than the whole family coming down with something.

Have a word with DP and let them know you need some you time and will be going out to get your nails/hair/waxing done. No reason you can't start getting back into a routine of this.

As for the gym for me it depends on pre baby. If you were there 4-7 days it is unrealistic to think you can return to that. If it was 1-3 getting back 1 night weekly is not unreasonable.

Does DP have me time? Does he gets a night in the gym a week or is able to nip and get his hair cut every 6/8 weeks?

You are 5 months in. The weather is crap.
Parenthood is hard. People portray different accounts of life on SM. Being ill is horrible. Not being able to make it better for your baby is down right heartbreaking 💔
Look at it this way you have survived your first family illness 🤒 You will survive the next.

My advice extra mop buckets (in a different colour to the mop mop bucket) we are a family of 5 with only one toilet. If we get a bug that does the round quick they are a god send.

I have a 10 month old and still saying I’m not having anymore! It can be SO hard but I’m really enjoying this stage a lot more than 1-5m. He’s more interactive and plays on his own and it melts my heart. I do think though every stage has hard parts. As one thing gets better another gets harder. I think it’s just parenthood and I’m accepting it now. My son starts nursery 2 days a week next week while I go back to work so I could gym twice a week before work but would like to go more often it’s just tough unfortunately. I haven’t exercised apart from walking since he was born as I never get the time.

I’m sure that the combination of a reno project and a young baby is exhausting!

Have you got a sling? Pop the baby in there, grab yourself a cuppa, and take them with you whilst you get your nails done! Look for any local mum and baby fitness classes, and/or go to the gym a couple of evenings a week or at the weekend if you have a parter.

Get off social media. That is a quick and easy way to improve your mental health

Bring the kettle, microwave and a mini fridge into the safer part of the house.

I feel it’s a couple of things have compounded. Partner and I are sick yet again and looking after the baby is just so hard (throw in a healthy dose of guilt).
the house situation is far from ideal but it’s a big job so no change in sight there- thanks for the posters pointing out I could make set up a little easier for myself so will look into that this weekend.
social media is a curse.
I also feel that motherhood has been romanticised and I’m not sure I was ready for how much of myself I would loose for this little person I love so deeply.

It sounds like things are really tough at the moment, but you're doing great if you just get through each day. I’m sure you will find that things gradually change and get easier, even if in tiny increments.

I don’t think anything can prepare you for how much having a baby changes your life. But you do get yourself back. Mine are 4.5, 2.5 and 8m and I no longer feel lost. I’m mostly the old me, with a few new bits and I actually prefer this version to pre-kids me. Wouldn’t have believed it when 5m PP with first baby. Take all the shortcuts and support you can, and hang in there. ❤️

Firstly, sorry to hear you are finding things hard. It is a really tough stage for many of us, and it may be worth making a GP appointment to explore whether you are suffering from post natal depression, which is very common.

A couple of things stand out to me from your post. You make no mention of a partner - are you a single mom? If you have a partner, things like nail appointments and gym should be perfectly doable - maybe not as frequently as previously, but your partner should be making sure you still get some time to yourself each week. Maybe it's time for a chat with them?

Secondly, you use the term FTM which I think means "full time mom". I wonder what you mean by that? Everybody with a child is a full time mom - anything else is a logical impossibility.

But I wonder if the phrase means you have formed some sort of agreement with your partner, whereby you are fully responsible for all childcare?

If so, you need to unform it, quickly. It's absolutely unnecessary and unhelpful for anybody to assume that, if there are in fact two of you. If your partner works then yes, it makes sense that you do MORE of the childcare. But your partner, if you have one, is a FTM or FTD too! And they need to do their share, to protect your mental and physical health, allow themselves to bond with baby, etc.

Good luck. I really hope this improves for you. X

Secondly, you use the term FTM which I think means "full time mom"

@Ilovelurchers It means First Time Mum

I can't see why you can't take the baby to the kitchen to make a cuppa? You could always leave them alone for 5 minutes if you don't want to take them.

It's easy to say it'll get better but it really will.

To clarify that I am a first time mum with a partner that works (full time) and he does his fair share of parenting duties however recently we had an issue which took him away from us so for a long period it was like I was a sole parent.

I am struggling as we have all been sick, back and forth and I found it mentally quite dark to manage.
layer that extreme on top of how Iv been feeling anyways about motherhood and just how much my life has changed, I have days where I mourn my old life and just don’t feel I’m suited to it which breaks my heart.

the house renovation is annoying but I am lucky that I am in a position with a roof over our heads and plans are in place for the years to come to get where we need to be. It has been tough and complex managing alongside a new born /very young baby.

I may book in to chat to my GP as these thoughts are constant and I have growing anxiety, intrusive thoughts and worry about the future and current a lot.

thanks for all your advice. x

I went back to work pt at this point both times and felt 100% better. 23 years on and never a single regret.