Really really struggling

[Msjwosjfbewak]

I have a 17 month old, I’m in my late 20s and feel really depressed, even more so lately; I feel I have 0 life outside being a mom, Im self employed and work all from home; which I juggle raising my daughter and doing work

im single mum and don’t get much help from family as they are busy people.
i just feel like my days are the same, it’s relentless, im constantly exhausted and I cry daily i have since my daughter was born,
when she goes to sleep I just cry, thinking how I can do this all over again the next day and the next and the next I even wonder now how I’ve made it so far

I know she’s young, and most people don’t feel they get there life back together till there children go to school etc
people say to me to put her in nursery and I think how much I just can’t do that as I just would be too worried, I never spent a day or night away from her I’ve never been away from her for more then 4 hours and I find my ocd going crazy worrying about her when I’m away from her
so it’s strange as although I crave a break and some time alone and normality of maybe her going to nursery or school in the future and working I would even struggle with that.
not really sure what the point of this post is, I just don’t have anyone else I could say this too as they wouldn’t get it
when does life feel better? Easier? Calmer? I love my daughter to pieces she is the best thing that’s happened to me but I do struggle

I will definitely start to feel easier - this is the hardest in my experience. You need a break OP. Can you get a babysitter for a few hours every so often?

Oh love. You are grinding yourself down and you are poorly. No one can pour from an empty cup and all that. Honestly, your fears about using childcare are not rational. Trying to work and look after a toddler at the same time means you are not able to do your best as a mum or in your job. Little children need lots of engaged care. Slow, expressive, close, repetitive interaction. You can't do that whilst you're working. Or if you can, you're not working properly and you're risking your job. Please go and view some nurseries and meet some childminders. You're not committing to send her, just getting some information and challenging your perception of what they will be like. You can't go on like this. Your daughter deserves a mummy who is well.

Nursery. Of course you're exhausted, most of us would be in your position.

I know pre-baby it seemed babies and toddlers are easy but they're really not.

She's at an age where nursery will be great for her.

And it will be great for you to feel a bit refreshed.

Will UC help to pay for Nursery or a CM? Tou dont even need to put her in every day. If you’re trying to work and look after her you could probably achieve just as much if she went to Nursery for 3 days a week.

Feeling anxious about putting your DC in Nursery is fairly normal too. Like a PP arrange some visits, go and see what they’re like. The first time I took DD to the one she ended up going to she asked me to put her down then toddled off to join in with one of the activities.

Are you getting any help with your OCD too and does your GP and HV both know that you’re crying constantly? If you talk to family about how you’re feeling could you ask then to have her for a couple of hours more often?