Ok this may be a novel. Myself 27f partner 34m have 3 young daughters oldest is 4, 2 and I just had a baby 3 weeks ago. Our main issue is conflict with parenting styles.
Backstory: my mom and step father passed away in October 2024 in a car accident. My daughters and I were extremely close with my mom. Since then it's been a whirlwind for obvious reasons. My oldest has struggled, she has watched me struggle losing my mom so young and in the midst of raising children and being pregnant with the thrid it has been a hell filled year. She's also 4 which I hear is a hard age in itself.
My partner doesn't believe in 'gentle parenting ' he believes in old school whatever bullshit. The shit that doesn't work like the yelling and belittling. I on the other hand try and reason before I bring in consequences, I try and bring the tantrums and the not listening down to a manageable level before reacting unnecessarily. I try. He jumps the gun and gets so upset angry emotional. And my oldest is obviously not responding well. I feel there should be a better way to handle all this. But he just blows up when she acts out and then afterwards he blames me and my crappy parenting for the fact that she's having a tantrum. Generally she's a lovely child but yes given she has her moments and I everything stacked on top I feel horrible about what she's gone through. He feels she's just a brat and it's my fault. I don't know what to do anymore. And it's now fueled even more depression on my end because I just had a baby and I'm sure my oldest id feeling the affect is from that as well.
I'm completely stuck. I will be reaching out to my doc about postpartum depression but I don't know how to manage this parenting mismatch. We aren't seeing eye to eye and it has heavily strained our relationship and household. I feel we are all grasping for some stability.
Any advice welcome