How to deal with 2.5 y/o behaviour

[hm4912]

My 2.5 yr old daughter is going through the phase of doing the complete opposite of what we say, HATES being told no, won’t cooperate with getting dressed/brushing teeth etc. Usually ends with her throwing things (toys, teddies), fits of tears and hitting us. I’m aware this is (hopefully) normal behaviour at this age as she’s becoming more independent but I don’t want this behaviour to stick around and let her think she’s the boss!

Any tips on how to get through this phase and get her to cooperate more would be amazing please!

Carrot and stick always worked and still does for us. There has to be a consequence for her actions that makes sense, and a way of redeeming herself either in the moment or next time so that she can earn back what’s been removed. It has to be logical for her, not some arbitrary threat.

Throwing teddies around simply to cause chaos? Teddies are taken away for now because we don’t hurl our teddies about in a temper. We can put the teddies back out tomorrow and try again.

Refusing to brush teeth? No problem. No harm in skipping a night but tomorrow you can’t have such and such a treat. This doesn’t have to be a wedge of chocolate cake. Just whatever nice thing she tends to have and enjoy (Yoghurt, strawberries, biscuit). If we want these things we have to brush our teeth and keep them clean. You can scaffold this with books explaining why it’s important and roleplaying tooth brushing with teddies. Add a toothbrush and dental mirror into a doctor’s set for her and role play these things with her.

Not everything has an immediate and obvious logical consequence. Some things are just painful with 2 year olds and you have to grit your teeth through it, but the more you practice this kind of mindset the better you get at it. Sometimes you just have to insist on dressing and wrestle her into clothes and accept that 2 year olds can be difficult. But all the work you’re doing on everything else will cement the idea to her that you’re not to be messed around with.

Give a certain element of control where you can in her life. Let her choose what she wants to wear, let her brush her own teeth and then you finish off, find parts of her day where she could be more in control and not have adults doing everything for her. But swiftly deal with nonsense and mean it. Firm but fair is my mantra.