Up coming birth

[Lid98]

Ok so this is going to sound like emotional rambling so bare with 😂

I am 37 weeks pregnant and about to have my 2nd boy. For reference my first birth wasn't great and I ended up experiencing PTSD after. Nothing actually life threatening happened but there was an induction and it was long an ended in c section. I never expected this but for weeks/months after even sometimes now I felt like I'd failed, felt like I could have tried harder with the contractions before getting an epidural. Wild I know. First boy was 9 10. Also the first time I was pregnant I was genuinely petrified and somewhat convinced that I or my baby would die. Definitely should have got therapy for that as I think it massively had an impact of the experience of labour.

This time around I don't have any fear re dying, it's been a much more complicated pregnancy I was told I had accreta at the start but now that risk is gone and placenta has moved. Baby is another big baby consultant reckons on track for over 10ibs if over due. Gave me a few options, do nothing, induce at 39 weeks or c section at 39 weeks. I opted for c section as I don't want to be induced again and I don't want to go overdue and have to push a 10ib or over baby out. I know this is right choice for me but I can't help but keep hoping labour will start naturally this time, I'm 99.5% this will be my last baby and part of me wants to give it a go to say I did and almost re write what happened last time. However don't want to be traumatised or as ill as I was last time.

No idea what I'm wanting from this I guess just to put my feelings out there and see if anyone felt the same? how they managed it and also if people do go into labour before their planned c section cause I just don't think I will? If you did go into labour did you continue with the labour or go ahead with the c section?

So sorry about this ramble this early.. mess in these last weeks 🙃😂

Also Happy New Year in advance xx

I can’t recommend enough doing hypnotherapy. It made such a difference for me. You obviously are now coming up to the last few weeks, but even 3 times a week would make a huge difference. If you could do it every day for the first week, that would get you on track.

I used natal hypnotherapy, but there are other options. It’s not about it being a pain management technique (though it is that, i didn’t need any pain relief with either of mine, other than about 20 minutes of gas and air with my 2nd while pushing). But it quiets the noise in your head about all the things you think you aren’t getting right.

I had 2 very positive birth experiences (home births) with my 2, but I had a really traumatic experience breastfeeding my eldest. To the point that probably had some PTSD. I used the hypnotherapy for breastfeeding the second time around (there is one specifically for people who have struggled with breastfeeding) and I can’t tell you the difference it made. It just took away all the dark clouds in my head about it. Completely life changing.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a very difficult birth first time round which ended in a C-section. The experience shook me and it has taken me three years to be able to contemplate giving birth again (currently 14 weeks pregnant).

I will be having a planned C-section this time. Because my mental health with two to look after is my priority and the fear of something going wrong again isn’t worth the anxiety throughout this pregnancy.

that being said, this isn’t a easy decision to come to. I think all of the narratives about the ‘right kind of Birth’ are very difficult to unlearn. I’m trying to shift my thinking away from how transformational having a natural vaginal birth could be. To how transformational having a calm controlled C-section might be, as a contrast to what felt like a very uncontrolled, painful and terrifying first experience.

I’ve had an amazing midwife this time round who made the option to have a Caesarian seem like a valid choice, rather than some sort of cop out, which is what I think our internal voice (influenced by lots of external prejudice) can attach onto. Just somebody recognising the impact of the experience I had has been revolutionary.

Nobody can know your story, what you experienced in Birth, and what your experience post natally was other than you. Take the option that feels as though it protect you and your children the best. Being there emotionally and mentally for your new born is (in my opinion) a very valid factor in deciding what to do the second time round for women who have had traumatic births. Best of luck! X

Planned c section all the way. My OB said if I go into labour before the planned c section, they will do an "emergency" c section then. Baby doesn't actually come down for a long time so plenty of time for a c section.

That’s good to know!

Thanks everyone for their thoughts on this really helpful. I hope everyone's pregnancies go well and hope for a safe calm delivery for mamas x