How to know when a child can’t help it or is purposefully causing upset

[pinkyponkyplink]

My dd displays some asd tendencies. She struggles with her emotions and concentration. She starts arguments in the house with her sister all the time. Over Christmas, it’s been exhausting. She is 10. Nights have been really hard. Every single night has been a battle. She refuses to sleep. She is constantly coming downstairs telling us she can’t sleep. She sneaks in the room making us jump and telling us she can’t sleep. Then she is coming in the bedroom complaining she can’t sleep. I’ve encouraged baths, no screen time a couple of hours before, I’ve bought her sensory night lights and colouring books for Christmas. Is this a choice of hers or is she unable to control it?

I doubt at that level she is taking the piss. There is actually a lot of data suggesting that people with ASD can struggle to unwind and fall asleep.

what about if she can listen to a podcast to fall asleep to or even just unwind?

would making up and sticking a new routine of no screens, bath, lavender sleep stuff for wrists then podcast help?

I think id be addressing why she needs to constantly tell you that she cant sleep. Let her put an audio book on, but stay in bed. She wont fall asleep if she keeps getting up!

Yes I think that’s the issue. I feel she is trying to make us jump by sneaking in to tell us. I’ve put the lights, colouring, etc in her room for her to access herself but she still comes to tell us and it’s a bit of a game. Feel bad getting cross but we are exhausted. She has an Alexa and we’ve tried all sorts of music.

The not being able to sleep bit is obviously true (evidenced by the fact that she's awake). Is she tired the next day? It could perhaps be that she just has low sleep needs. If she is tired then there is obviously a bigger problem.

Have you tried some melatonin gummies?

I agree with pp, that working on getting her to stay in her room doing something relaxing rather than keep coming down is key. I'd take the pressure off for her to actually sleep and just rebrand it as quiet time.

She has ASD and can't sleep. She isn't purposely causing upset. It's a massive long hard road for you and I'm sorry you have to go down it but I'd recommend loads of learning about what autism is and how people with autism can think and also explore possible physical issues around sleep, sensory needs or emotional worries or physical needs like deficiencies in minerals etc.

No but she's old enough to know to stay in bed and not keep coming up and down telling people she can't sleep

I'm auhd and really struggled to sleep as a child, my mum got me a little light and I read books until I felt tired, but I knew to not be going down bothering my mum and dad ( diagnosed in my 30's )

My dd is autistic and also struggles with her sleep, she knows she can faff quietly in her room all she wants but she isn't to be coming disturbing other people

Have you tried a weighted blanket, and bed-tent with a little torch to read? This works well for my dc who is AuADHD. The projector stars also show through the tent.

I think the problem is the continued coming to you rather than the lack of ability to sleep. She should be learning to manage her lack of sleep by reading or listening to podcasts without needing to come and tell you about it