How is your relationship with your ex partners family?

[Bubbles2026]

I am trying to figure out if what I'm asking is reasonable. I've been gaslight so many times I'm constantly doubting my decisions. Prior to separation I had a very good relationship with my exes family and nothing has changed apart from my ex has set a boundary that I am not to contact his family directly.

My issue is they want to spend time with the children on days they are not meant to be with their father. Whilst I am happy for these to go ahead I am not happy that Im being blocked by my ex from having direct contact with who is supervising them on that particular day and on a day that they are meant to be under my care, not his and instead I am being drip fed information by my ex.

His family have no issues with speaking with me but it is the ex that is making this communication difficult and I fear they are just going to do as he says so as not to cause any issues between them, which I understand to a degree but I then don't feel comfortable with them taking the children anywhere if I cannot get into direct contact with them. I don't feel what I am asking is unreasonable but he is blaming me for the children losing out as I am not respecting his wishes by only communicating with him.

Why doesn’t he want you to contact them directly? It’s perfectly reasonable to expect to be able to contact someone whose care your children are in. Any decent parent would want that. Is he saying he is happy for them to see them on your time but you have to arrange it via him? Or they can’t see them on your time? I think he is being completely unreasonable and if they are missing out then that’s his doing not yours

He has not given any reason. He is happy for them to have contact during my time but he's stated he is the one facilitating it so communication must go via him because I've insisted on communication between me and him to be on an app (which is also court ordered) but it is not part of the order that his family use the app. He originally contacted me to ask if the children were free for the day to see his family (not him) I said yes but I need them to be in direct contact with me and he said I won't be hearing from the family who want to see them so it's left me in a predicament as the children are aware of this day but I don't feel comfortable agreeing to it without direct contact.

He’s punishing you for leaving him by removing his family. You obviously loved them and they you so he’s controlling the situation so you won’t be able to continue to receive any support or help with child care or have contact with his side of the family and just generally putting you in your place by making things difficult and unpleasant for you and making you anxious and uncomfortable.