19mo dislikes me, loves dada...

[dampsquib94]

Our 19mo child hates(?) me (mummy) and loves their father. It's so deeply hurtful, I'm currently upstairs trying to hold off tears over this! This isn't just a "he's home more over the christmas holidays" thing, it's been getting worse for several months. I'm currently a stay at home mother and am with my child almost all the time, except for a couple of hours per week with our childminder, who is fantastic.

Every time I say "Do you want a hug?" it's "NO!" along with head-shaking and running away. When dada asks, he gets a big smile and a hug. Almost every single time. I have had one hug in the last week. He has had nine today alone. When it's time to get lifted to go to bed or out to the car, I get bitten, kicked and scratched. Dada gets smiles, listened to, and willingly followed. Our child says "dada" constantly but has said "mama" a handful of times-- yes, in total.

Obviously I don't logically, rationally believe that my less-than two year old "hates" me, but it certainly feels that way emotionally at the moment. I have, for the moment, given up a career for a child who genuinely seems happier without me. It's shit.

Go back to your career.

But of course he does not hate you

You there all the time so dada is novelty
Switch it up

Dad is a novelty, you're a constant. He knows you'll be there regardless and feels safe and loved.

My dcs always changed allegiances, sometimes for months at a time. I promise you, one day it'll change. Enjoy the rest while he is with his dad when he is home! As lovely as it is, it can be suffocating when they're following you all over and watching you on the toilet! Please be kind to yourself.

Do not take it personally, some children just gravitate to one parent, it’s really not personal.

My oldest dd hated everyone but me, hated all men but tolerated her dad unless I was around then he didn’t get a look in. Even if I was in the next room she’d scream the house down until she could hold me.

Second dd was all about my DH, she never settled for me, if he was in the house I couldn’t get a look in, she’d cry if I picked her up, wouldn’t take the bottle off me and I didn’t get a look in at bedtime. The only time I was useful was when I was breastfeeding. At 11 she’s still very much a daddy’s girl but I know she loves me.

have a cry take a breath and tell yourself your baby loves you no matter what x

I have written a post almost exactly like this in the past. I have 3 children, and my two eldest boys (now 5 and 3) have both gone through extremely long phases of this. My eldest was the worst, I remember vividly sobbing when pregnant with my second (pregnancy hormones won’t have helped) because he refused to let me do bedtime ever and screamed for his dad every night. I also happily and willingly gave up my career (teaching) which I was very successful at, because i wanted to be able to raise my own children and not rely on childcare. And I felt very much like what on earth am I doing wrong?
they are now 5 and 3 and I’ve just had my first daughter who is 7 weeks and they are much more balanced now. They do love daddy to do things but also ask for cuddles from me and don’t reject my affection like they did when they were in this phase.
i sympathise with you greatly because it’s emotionally draining and so incredibly upsetting when it’s happening and other mothers telling you you’re lucky you have more freedom because you aren’t the chosen one just adds salt to the wound. I am so sure for you it will end like it has with mine, but unfortunately it wasn’t just a month or twos phase, it was very much an imbalance for a more extended period of time sadly. What I will say, is how utterly happy I am now they are out of it though. Sending hugs that your little one passed through the phase soon.

My DS (middle child) was exactly like this with his Mum for years. My youngest DS is just so loving with me. I think people are different. You just have to love them for who and what they are