What is more important when raising older children?

[mwienn197]

Hi , just a post really looking for advice. Wondering if I can learn from somebody who has already or is in the process of raising teenage children.

I am really stuck on what to do.

for context I was brought up on a council estate that had a high crime rate. Lots of drugs, gangs and anti social behaviour.

I have been fortunate enough to be in a position to move to a nice part of Cheshire and have raised my kids there so far they are 7&8 year old girls. I am trying to think about the future and what they’ll need as teenagers.

We are in a very small 2 bed new build right now and my kids share a room. as I am in social housing there are not many options for me to get a bigger place in the current area that I am in. My children are asking for their own rooms.

i am really considering moving a little bit closer to the city as there are more housing options and it’s where all my family are but it’s still within driving distance to my daughters schools about 25 minutes. ( our current school run is about 20 mins)

the dilemma I have is, right now we are In a nice area good location and low crime rate. However my daughters do not have their own space. Not many 3 bedrooms come up in our area we could be waiting years.

the other option is to move closer to the city where the crime rate is a bit higher , it’s not as nice of a location but not terrible. There’s more housing options and I’ve had quite a lot of interest for a mutual exchange in some of these areas and the houses are ex council so much larger.

I am torn between staying in a really lovely area but being really cramped in a small house and my children having to share until they move out or love to a different area that isn’t as nice to give my family some more space.

right now my girls are still very young and enjoy sharing but I am starting to notice a lot more fighting and the girls displaying a need for their own space.

in the opinion what is more important ? I’d love to hear stories of anyone who’s been in this position or if you’ve had regrets leaving a better area or vice versa.

thank you on advance xx

Keep the lovely area. They share the biggest room, or you use the living room with a sofa bed. Long term this is a bigger thing for their future than their own rooms.

Wishing you&yours all the utmost very best with making the right decision for your little family, God Bless You All
It's so difficult to know or advise, which would be the best choice - If an area my own little family&I could potentially move to, was quite notorious for crimes, I'm guessing I'd most likely, wish to remain in our present, more pleasant area-Teaching values of tolerance, patience with one another & sharing has always been immensely important for my Children - These qualities don't seem to be taught as much's they used to be in schools nowadays, it's more about self
So I completely comprehend & empathise with what you're experiencing, lovely Mum
Wishing You&Yours all the utmost very best 💚🫂💚

Can you give them a room each and you sleep on the sofa bed?

Could you afford to go into private rented? Would give you more options in your area possibly.

This is so lovely. Thank you for your message 🤍

Unfortunately not I really cannot afford it , where we live is really expensive to rent privately if we didn’t have social housing I wouldn’t be able to afford to live here 😞

Unfortunately a sofa bed in the living room would not be an orpion as hubby works nights and sleeps in the day so this wouldn’t work for us as a family xx

Location, location, location

How big is the largest room? Could the girls have it and use soem sort of storage unit to create a separation with the feeling of individual space?

When the girls are 14/15 they will want Saturday jobs. They will want to join gyms and meet friends. I'd prefer mine to be in a safer area, working in nicer shops etc.

I have teens and I am so grateful that my kids have good friendship groups, as my eldest in particular, was very easily led when younger. If she'd been in with a not so nice crowd, I do think she would have had more problems and would have been led into trouble (she's older now and thankfully knows her own mind).

So personally, I would stay in the lower crime area and maybe try to have a medium term goal of moving to a 3 bed by the time the eldest goes to secondary school.

I don't know, unless the crime rate is really high, I don't see a 'slightly less nice' area as an issue.

The main thing might be secondary schools - if your only feasible options might be schools that have low attainment and behaviour issues in that other area, that would give me cause for concern.

If the secondaries nearer where you are now are much better, I'd go for staying in the area and hoping you're in a position to upsize there in a few years. If you're still likely to get into a good secondary in the 'less nice' area, I'd move there for the space.

If you're worried about teenagers getting phones nicked etc, that happens quite a lot in 'nice' areas too.

I might feel differently about this to some because I'm in London, though.

Stay in the better area, loads of children share a bedroom

Unfortunately not in this house however, I do have a possible option to get a larger 2 bedroom home in the same area through our housing association. Then possibly I could tbink about dividing a bedroom. Thank you for your response x

fortunately the area I am considering isn’t really bad. Some parts of the town can be quite bad but the part I want is quiet. It means we can still drive to my daughter’s primary school as it’s 20 minutes and we currently drive 20 minutes to the school from the opposite direction. My girls current primary school is also a feeder school to the high school so it means they’d still get to go to the high school in the area. So I was thinking to maybe move and still drive the girls to school, I just worry about them being 13+ and wanting to travel and go to places with their friends xx

Thank you I completely relate to this. As a teen I was easily led and I did get caught up in the wrong crowd, met awful men / drug dealers so I am so scared of this for my children. My partner says you get this even in Cheshire, however my opinion is it’s a whole let less , I’m considering just making my girls share a room and just try to feel less guilty about it knowing they’re growing up in a better place x

i would reconfigure the rooms. moving is expensive and there are tons of good room separating ideas on the internet.
when it comes to teens their tribe shapes their vibe. neighborhood is very important, inner cities tend to make children "mature" faster in not a nice way.

As you are in social housing they will be expected to share until 16 under the current guidance. Unless your situation financially changes I would simply ensure you allow them space in the room alone whilst the other is downstairs and rather than suggesting you’ll see about own rooms, just say it’s normal to share (it is)

Check local high schools. Also what are transport links like in both areas? Does one have a better bus route? I have two dd's 12&14 and they share (we don't live in a brilliant area) but we have a good regular bus service (every 15mins) that they both use to get to school. Dd1 also uses it regularly to get to a sport that she does, or go into local town to meet friends, this gives her some freedom. As they get older and more independent different things will become more important.

Our area not being great hasn't impacted our dc, their school is on the other side of town with pupils from all areas. They do extra-cirricular clubs that are out of area. They have some friends close but don't wander about on the streets as most are further spread so don't actually spend a great deal hanging around the area.

Thank you. I just feel very guilty about not being able to give them their own rooms but although they can fight they are also the best of friends and enjoy spending time together. I guess when I feel guilty I can know I am giving the. Them a better start in a nicer place

This is my worry. I grew up too fast being in a really rough area and being very raised influenced. I am thinking about keeping them in the home we are in and like you said look into room separation ideas. I just feel so guilty that I cannot give them their own room xx

room separating ideas are excellent for providing the needed personal space as long as there is good lighting and good ventilation. all easily doable.
what size room would you be working with?

Thank you. This is a really great insight into what I am considering to do. So where we live is a rural area there is no public transport Within this area. I currently drive 25 mins to the local primary school as there’s no chance of walking to places.

where I’m planning to move is about half an hour in the opposite direction. So school run is almost the same time. I plan to still drive my kids to school so the hope is that they can keep their social connections / routine and extra curricular activities

Because my kids go to the primary school the high school in the area is a feeder school and accepts kids outside the catchment ( as of right now ).

i guess I am torn between staying in this area and then having to share or moving to more of a council estate area where it’s not as quiet as where we are now but they get their own space it’s a tough one but thank you for your reply x

Thank you! Sorry about the terrible photos but there are wardrobes directly opposite the bed. It’s a bit of an awkward space

i'm not great at this from photo's but i'm sure someone will come with a better layout.