44 pregnant and so unsure

[boymummyoftwo]

Hi all, I have just found out I'm pregnant very unexpectedly. Hubby is delighted, I'm just so shocked and I don't know how I feel about it. We had a miscarriage at 12 weeks during lockdown, then had my DS in 2023, that pregnancy was filled with so much anxiety and was such a difficult pregnancy. High blood pressure, carpal tunnel, gestational diabetes and ended in ECS when I had pre eclampsia and placental abruption. The whole experience left me totally shell shocked and really took its toll on me. I had quite bad post partum anxiety, panic attacks and just started to feel myself once my boy turned 2. To be clear my boy is the absolute light of my life, and such a sweet kind child that I think giving him a sibling would be beautiful, it's just the thought of doing it all again and pregnancy, plus my age I am 44 so the fear of another miscarriage or complications is so overwhelming. I also can't stop crying as worry about the love I have for my boy and not being able to replicate that. Does any of this make sense? Has anyone been through similar?

Congratulations. I think all you can do is wait and see, it sounds like you’re happy but emotional which is understandable. Obviously there are higher risks with age but none of them are a given and I have had two healthy pregnancies in my forties, the last at 43.

It is very early days and unfortunately your miscarriage risk is well above 50% due to your age.
You are quite likely not to need to make any decisions, but just deal with things as they occur. I’m sorry to sound so discouraging but didn’t want to add to your anguish by spending a lot of time on the What If….
Do you know how pregnant you are likely to be?
I would pay fir a private scan at 7 weeks and work from there.

I’ve been in a similar situation but I wasn’t as unwell with my previous pregnancies as you were. I did have bad ms and low lying placentas but they resolved luckily.

My final dc was born when I was 44. I was healthy and the pregnancy and birth were uneventful. Having said that I decided to have all the tests available given my age.

I also worried that I couldn’t possibly love my second child as much as I loved my firstborn. When second dc was born I was besotted and didn’t even remember that worry until a couple weeks later. Those children are in their 20s now and I still think about that sometimes.

Good luck OP, I know how worrying it is and I hope all goes well for you.