Help! My children won’t eat anything

[belladonna22]

Happy Boxing Day, everyone.

My kids’ eating has always been tricky, and now we’re all home together it’s starting to feel more urgent than before.

They are 3 and 5 and have a very limited list of foods they’ll eat (bread, plain pasta, oatmeal, yogurt, fruit, cheese, fish fingers). Nothing with sauce, no soup, no stir fries, no meat. The 3yo will have chicken and hummus sometimes, the 5yo will eat some raw vegetables, but other than that they’re pretty aligned.

I appreciate that while it’s not ideal, taken together it’s a diverse enough diet that no one’s going to die. However, the problem is that they are so bored of eating these same few foods that they’re just stopping eating, while moaning about how hungry they are.

Of course there are other foods available - my husband and I eat pretty much everything and we try to make fairly normal family meals (pasta with tomato and veg, chicken tray bake, pizza) to model normal food, but they’re adamant they don’t like it. Now that we’re all together three meals a day, it feels like a recurrent nightmare. We have bored, hungry kids who are refusing to eat and moaning and complaining.

Please give me some hope - have you been in this situation and escaped it? I want to stop offering any alternative and tell them it’s our way or the highway, while my husband thinks that won’t work and we need to keep offering alternatives they’ll eat and hope they’ll come around. I’m basically at my wit’s end with this situation!

I know them being out of their routine over the holidays is exacerbating it, but this has been a long-term problem which is slowly getting worse!

I am working on theory that little people have a great ability to survive on a limited palette. My 5 year old seems to survive on spaghetti, pizza, butter chicken. I present different options and if she doesn't want it its fine. She is allowed into fruit bowl as long as she eats the whole fruit.

Do you all eat your main meal together each day (or most days anyway)?
If you don’t that’s the first thing I’d change.
Then take the approach of serving everything in the middle of the table, have things they’ll eat and things they “don’t like”, and offer everything. Encourage them to try one new thing every evening- they are likely to refuse or try but say they don’t like it but be persistent, keep offering and anything they do like you can add in as a regular item to serve.
Don’t make a massive fuss either way though, praise for trying but not as much for liking something and not much of a fuss if they don’t like it either. Also if it’s stuff they usually eat but then decide they don’t like it, with mine I usually say “well eat a bit anyway because it’s good for you”

We eat together at the weekend. During the week they’re at school, and then the nanny makes dinner for them, so the meal gets tailored for them (since she’s not eating with them herself so they aren’t being exposed to other foods as often). She has tried giving them other foods, making stuff that’s outside of their comfort zone, and occasionally has success. I know it would be ideal for all four of us to have dinner together every day but unfortunately it’s not possible.

We always ate home cooked meals at the dining table together. My two were told they didn't have to eat everything on their plate but they had to eat some and were not offered anything else instead.

In their teens it was much harder as they could eat outside the home but the rule stood. Now in their mid- to late twenties one will eat pretty much anything, the other won't. I suppose there's no answer to what will work but being consistent with whatever choice you make at let's the children know what to expect.

Okay.

My DS (now 15) has autism and sensory issues with food. So I mean it when i say I 'get it'.

Generally speaking he will not eat cooked vegetables. He eats very sparingly and is only 6 stone. We have been under a dietician and I give him supplements to cover the bases.

What works (ed) for us;

1. I wrote a list of everything he would eat- that actually ended up giving me comfort because he was eating a wider variety than i realised
2. I make him chocolate milkshakes using complan powder for nutrients. I also add ground almonds, honey and pureed fruit. If the fruit has seeds in it I have to sieve the seeds out as he will have conniptions if he sees seeds. This brings him fat, protein and nutrients.
3. I will put a new food on his plate every single day and ignore if he eats it or not. That is how we got him to eat cucumber. It was on his plate every night for a month. Peas.... a small spoonful on his plate for - literally- years. He now eats peas, but it took 13 years, no joke.
4. Don't make a fuss about it. Always put something you know they will eat on the plate as 2/3 of the plate and whatever else everyone is eating a small bit and ignore if they eat it or not.
5. Be aware if there are texture issues. Mine cannot eat anything soft like sauces, mashed potato, soups etc.
6. If you are really worried about calories (an issue for mine) then a round of bread and butter on the side of the plate won't hurt.
7. See a dietician if you are really worried
8. 3 and 5 - picky eating is common. Don't worry too much, but if it is an extended period of years then check if they have sensory issues / neuro diversity etc.
9. You will likely find they naturally extend their range of foods over time. Mine now eats cooked broccoli and yesterday ate a brussel sprout. Neither of those things I could have imagined 2 months ago
10. Mine does not like his food touching so I bought him plastic plates that have a divider in them, like a canteen plate. That works and you can get adult ones as well as childrens ones.
11. never underestimate peer pressure. Mine has school dinners not a packed lunch and he has branched out slightly, copying his peers.

Good luck. :)

I hear this - I guess I feel like we’ve got into this terrible habit of only feeding them safe foods, so suddenly starting a new routine would be quite a shock to them. I know we need to change, but just don’t know how.

There's loads of great advice on this thread.

Re the above comment about peer pressure, I'd definitely echo this and found it worked well for my son at nursery where staff are supervising closely and reporting back on eating. As someone who works in a primary school I'd be cautious. There's limited supervision and a lot of our kids eat basically nothing of their school dinners with teachers and therefore parents none the wiser. I've seen older children throw whole servings of food in the bin and run out to play!

Another setting for the effects of peer pressure is playdates! When other children come round, serve a safe playdate friendly meal with a side of something a bit different - even if it's a version of the pasta with some really nice sauce on! Often if friends eat it they're more likely to give it a go.

With my son, we also did a sticker chart at around the age of 5 where he got a sticker for trying a bite of a new food and a full chart got a reward of some kind. This really worked for him, but I'd obviously be cautious if fussiness is caused by something like extreme sensory issues and trying new things causes distress. Mine was just a bit of a stubborn toerag.

This was me a couple of month ago, dealing with picky eater. A friend suggested babies magic tea. an organic formula for babies strengthening the digestive system. must try it, you can find it on amazon or secretsoftea. com