Potty training

[Renli]

Long time lurker first time poster but I am struggling so much

I have a 3.5 year old boy who we are struggling to potty train so much. He has SEN needs and we and nursery believe he's on the autism spectrum, we're awaiting an official assessment.

But we've tried what feels like everything over the last 6 months since he turned 3. We've tried the bare on the bottom method on multiple occasions but we're met with a meltdown and him grabbing nappies to put on, we've tried to hide his nappies but he's in utter distress that we can't continue with that method. We've tried wearing pants and for him to feel when he's wet, but he's not feeling it and he'll still play whilst being soaking. He won't sit on the potty, he won't sit on the toilet.

We've tried games, books, toys and even had the TV, but none of this has worked. We've had his doll sit on the potty, but he won't do it afterwards. We've tried stickers, we've tried rewards, but none of this has worked he'll just tell me he doesn't want a sticker or chocolate buttons. We've tried putting a cloth in his nappy, but he absolutely hates this as it's something out of the ordinary

I'm so worried because he's due to start school in September 2026, and I'm so anxious that he's going to start in nappies which I don't want that

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated because I feel like I've tried everything

As a SEN parent my advice would be to stop trying. Take a break and come back to it in a few months. He sounds very anxious about it and that’s stressful to deal with, which results in parents inevitably being anxious and stressed around the child and it not being the right environment for anyone. Take a break, enjoy Christmas and see how things go in spring time.

My DC has Down syndrome not autism but it sounds like your son’s understanding is better than hers was when we potty trained.

Have you tried social stories? Really visual approach and some companies will make bespoke ones with eg TV characters.

At some point you do have to take the nappy away to feel the wetness. We used cloth pull up pants at that stage and timed drinks so we could try and catch a wee a certain amount of time after she’d drunk. We had a couple of false starts and a lot (A LOT) of accidents but we got there. Don’t do it over Christmas!

Also sounds like you could do with just taking the pressure off both of you and having a break from it and picking up in a few months so it doesn’t become a battle. Regarding school, obviously in an ideal world he’ll be potty trained but if he does go in nappies it won’t be the first kid they’ve had, they can’t refuse to take him, he’ll just need an intimate care plan. My daughter is in reception and doing really well but still does have accidents occasionally at school. It’s no big deal, her TA helps her change, and she gets back on with learning. And I say that as someone who was also obsessed with getting her toilet trained!

Only reason I thought this time would be good is because I'm on annual leave for 3 weeks, I'm a nursing assistant and a student nurse so I work/in uni for 3 days a week whilst he's at nursery and then home the rest of the time, but I think everyone is right about leaving it

I wouldn’t do it the week of Christmas, there is so many things which are different which can be very difficult for autistic people. How is his interoception? You may need to try and work on this a bit first although it’s difficult. I’m early 40s and my interoception can still be way off for things out of the usual.

Yep, not ready. Leave 2/3 months. Plenty of kids take longer - even without SEN.