Therapist/Anger Management

[Londondadoftwo]

Hi,

I am a 41yr old father of 2 boys, 4 & 6.5yrs old. I am having issues controlling my anger & regularly shout at them in response to normal childhood behaviour and would like any recommendations for therapists or similar services that could support me with changing this.
We are based in SW London.

Thanks so much for any recommendations, gratefully received.

I’m following as I have a similar issue and am looking for a therapist/support.
Heads up, you’ll get people commenting “why is the kids mother allowing your behaviour” & “Those poor kids”. This unfortunately isn’t the site for parents to admit they’re struggling and get support from.
Have you done the basic Google search for anger management therapists in your area? That would be the first stop. If you can afford private, go that route. If not, the NHS self help website may have some resources.
Well done for realising it’s an issue and seeking support to change

Do you have a problem with anger in other areas of your life. If not do a parenting course instead. I was feeling like a terrible parent and I did one. They explored what is a reasonable expectation at individual age levels as well as discussing all the emotional baggage and triggers from our own childhoods. (This was not in the K but I’m sure there are similar)

The above posts are helpful. If you are finding it takes a while to sort this out, then in the meantime I would google about child development- this will remind you how their brains develop and that certain behaviours are normal and to be expected. Some articles will offer solutions that may help you be more calm and reasonable.

It’s a good thing that you have at least recognised it’s your anger that’s causing this.

Thank you for your replies, really appreciated.

PFW- Yours is particularly helpful. I am unsure whether I have completely unreasonable, “old school” expectations that are unrealistic of my children and I need to reset these AND my anger/responses; in which case anger management/solo therapy is best.
Or whether some of my expectations are reasonable and as a couple we could be more aligned on how we achieve these whilst still ensuring that I do not react with anger; in which case perhaps a parenting course/couples therapy would help.

In both cases my priority is solving my temper & stress responses, as these must stop

Hi OP, I don’t have specific recommendations in SW London but if you go on the BACP website there will be lots of registered therapists you can search. It’s usually helpful to meet a few and find someone you click with. Good luck!

Well done for recognising you have an issue. My kids are ND so can be difficult at times, what helps me when their being tricky or are upset (not when choosing to be naughty) is saying to myself they’re not giving me a hard time they’re having a hard time. This helps me to flip my thinking to their point of view.

Look for someone on BACP. That said, it will take more than therapy to change learned patterns of behaviour. It’s not something you can just talk away. It will involve lifestyle changes, quite possibly giving up alcohol if you drink (drugs too if you use them), etc.

Sincere thanks for the BACP suggestions and other insight, really appreciated.

Here’s to a calmer 2026

This might be a silly question, but I want to cover a specific base - is your home environment quite stressful? When I lived in my previous home with my son, mum and stepdad, it was incredibly stressful which definitely contributed to my shouting. I shouted multiple times a day because I just couldn't cope with the stress (but I am also autistic, which stress really exacerbates my struggles). When I moved out of my stepdads house into a new house with only my mum and son, I was almost instantly calmer. Since moving 2 months ago, I've barely shouted at my son, even when he is being particularly difficult.

I'm not suggesting to move out, of course - but if your home environment is stressful, is there a way to lessen the stress?

Try also a PPP course on parenting (online) and a self help book on anger management

There are some specialist therapists out there. There's the British Association of Anger Management who offer services and also train therapists - or The Anger Clinic who offer online courses (group and one to one)