I need some advice and fast! I'm losing my mind!

[TheCandidBee]

hiya I recently had my daughter and I'm still really struggling to get her down, we've tried everything at this point and I'm still so stuck

my fiance who has 2 kids himself has said that he used to drop some whisky in the bottle but I feel like that's a really bad idea? i'd really appreciate a little help!

Please don’t do that.

Do not give your dd alcohol!

What are you doing to get her down? How old is she?

Your finance shouldn’t have kids if he really used whiskey to get his child to sleep - that is horrific. I’ve heard the very outdated stories of using it to help with teething (it doesn’t help) but in a bottle to make a baby sleep is dangerous and wrong.

How old is the baby? Do they feed well and sleep during the day?

Do not do that! Small babies stay awake a lot, it will get better without drugging them.

Do not do this, your instincts are correct! When you say struggling to get her down - do you mean like a bedtime routine? As she sounds very young. Babies at first just feed and sleep whenever they feel like it and there’s no evening bedtime like older children until - I forget exactly but not for several weeks after birth anyway. Maybe give us a bit more info on what she’s doing and what you are hoping to have happen?

So the immediate thing to do is give your dd a cuddle, check her nappy is clean and dry, check for a temperature and if necessary close the door and leave her for 5 mins if you need to regain your emotions.

if she is very young, this is normal: it’s what young babies do. Don’t expect a regular routine in the first couple of months. It’s exhausting but she will settle in the end.

The other thing you need to do is think very carefully about marrying a man who thinks it’s a good idea to give a baby alcohol. It is against the law to give a child under 5 alcohol for non-medicinal purposes, and it’s a massive safeguarding red flag. If your health visitor or midwife knew about this, I would hope they would get social services involved.

Reported nice and early.

Definitely don't give alcohol to your child. 😵‍💫
Babies will sleep when tired. When awake they want to be changed, fed, burped, or held. You cannot make them sleep to your own preference and comfort. They will begin to "sleep through the night" (which is considered to be 5 hours) when their circadian rhythm sets (around 6 months) and their birthweight is doubled. Their stomachs are the size of cherry pits when born and cannot hold much hence the frequent feedings. This is all completely normal and your baby needs to follow her/his own developmental pattern. Please don't try and rush your baby or impose your own schedule or wants on her/him. Ignore advice to do otherwise. Every baby is unique in their pattern of development.

thank you all for agreeing with me on the alcohol being crazy, he's been away for the last couple months working on an oil rig so it's just been me looking after her so i've been going absolutely nuts, i'm at my wits end and just want at least a couple hours sleep

ive checked her over and she seems alright? im guessing im just stuck in the cycle for the next little while

I'm a f/t single mum of two, ages 4 & almost 2.
I get it. 🩷
Sleep when baby sleeps. Wear baby. Offer reassurance, gentle talking, rubbing back, belly. I co-slept, and still co-sleep. but, that is very individual. Also still bf'ing my toddler.
You really do have to roll with it and go with baby's schedule. You get used to it and it will adjust and get easier. You will find your own system. Ignore all the posts about perfect babies, tricks to get them to eat/sleep/not cry/potty train by age X, whatever. Being comfortable with how your baby is and who your baby is, is the real trick. 🩷

How old is your baby? It takes babies a while to differentiate between day and night; they definitely have their own timetable!

she's 2 months ❤i'm just weathering the storm until my oh is back from working, he's working a month on month off atm

we've been cosleeping every night so im not missing anything, shes my first so struggling alot

Are you in Canada, by chance?

no, im in scotland

If he’s been away for 2 months and baby is 2 months - has he met her?

you mention “we’ve” tried everything so I just wondered if he’d been home at all?

that must be incredibly hard having the father around but not around (if that makes sense!).

Some babies are just a bit of a nightmare at sleep and you have to stick with it. Sleep when baby sleeps and as others have said check all the other options such as sore bum, teeth, nappy change, rashes. Are they having wet nappies ok? Reflux? Feeding going ok?

are you able to get out much in the day - fresh air will help and will massage help your mental health if you can get out. Speak to health visitor though if you’re worried about anything. Or GP.

obviously don’t give baby alcohol - I think you knew that?! And keep an eye on fiancée when back and make it clear that is not ok. Is he older than you? Wondering if it’s a generational thing

good luck OP. It’s bloody hard but you can do it. It does get easier x

Sleep deprivation is so tough. Don't even acknowledge his thoughts unless you fancy a visit from social services. If he mentions it again just say ‘they also use to put children up chimneys’ I just hope he doesn’t have any more pearls of wisdom!.
Being a first time Mum will stretch you beyond belief but you’ll get there. Just try and get as much sensible support as possible in the meantime.

Swaddle your baby.
Put the baby in the cot in a dark room after a feed.
Wait ten minutes.
Most babies will have fallen asleep by then.
I'd stop co-sleeping.

i do think its a generational thing yeah he's 13 years older than me, i think shes been pretty healthy and ive had the visitor around to check on her

ive not really had the time to do much recently and he was there for the birth and should be home in a couple of days

also im not too sure if im comfortable stopping cosleeping? i worry quite alot

I'm sure some people will say follow your instincts but if you don't entirely trust them, and you're a bit of a worrier, this book has worked tremendously well with my grandchildren ... and parents had the evenings to themselves, I never once did!

Gina Ford The Contented Little Baby Book seems to be a bit out of fashion these days but realistically she gives you a roadmap to follow where baby has a good routine and you know when you're going to have time off!

It makes things so much easier.

Don’t stop if it works and you’re not ready. As long as you follow guidelines it can be very safe and it’s a very natural thing to do