Why Do I Feel Invisible in My Own Life?

[S19]

I’m a stay-at-home mum to three little ones under 30 months, including my 3-month-old son. I love my children so much, but some days it all feels like too much. I get overwhelmed, lonely, and exhausted, and sometimes it all just hits me at once.

I feel like I live in a bubble where no one really notices or cares. People probably think I’m fine, but I’m not. Sometimes it feels like other people’s feelings matter more than mine, or like I’m just “too sensitive.”

I love being at home with my children, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve given up something too — a part of myself. I miss working, adult conversation, and just feeling like I exist outside of motherhood. I’m also still trying to come to terms with the fact that my 3-month-old son will likely be my last, and that brings a jumble of emotions I don’t always know what to do with.

My husband is great, but we bicker. I spend all day waiting for an adult conversation, and it usually ends in arguments. I worry it might affect the children, and that just adds to the weight I’m carrying.

sisters are another story — messy, complicated, and painful. Deep down, I don’t feel like they care about me. One lives very close but hasn’t seen me in over a year. She never saw me pregnant and has never met her nephew, my son.

The other is so embedded in her partner’s family that it feels like she has no space left for her own. She makes everything out to be my fault, which leaves me constantly questioning myself — wondering if I’m the problem, if I’m too much, or if I simply don’t matter to them at all.

I try to reach out to friends, but everyone is busy, and plans are always “maybe in a few months.” Most days feel like the same loop: caring for the children all day, hoping for connection, and ending the day feeling unheard. All the noise, emotions, and isolation build up until it feels like too much.

Every day feels like Groundhog Day — exhausting, repetitive, and heavy. I love my children more than anything, but right now everything feels like too much, and I don’t know how to break out of it.

Hello love.
I came on to write my own post but saw yours and didn't want to read and run.

What you feel sounds pretty normal for having children your age. My main advice would be to do something just for you every single day even if it's something small. Also, try to get out every single day to the park/cafe even if it's for just an hour. You will definitely feel loads better.

You're doing an amazing job - having three under 30 months is hard work!

You’re in a nightmare tunnel stage and your family aren’t helping, so it would be surprising if you didn’t feel really overwhelmed and lonely at times. It sounds like you are pretty miserable so I’m sorry for that.

Partly you are going to have to grind through it for a bit since your kids are so little. My advice would be that you absolutely must get back to work - even if not for another 6-12 months, to avoid becoming trapped as an unhappy SAHM.

In the meantime give up looking for emotional support from your sisters, and get out of the house every day. And every weekend go for a run/to the gym. Make sure it’s normal for your DH to look after all 3 kids alone for periods of time. Be very firm about this.

Hey x it’s shite …. And really tough !
give your local home start a call, I volunteer with them and support a mum with a baby; we help families with at least one child under 5.
we moan about just about everything, and laugh loads ! My baby days are done; my youngest is 13 in a few weeks ! I get to squish a baby and she gets to let off steam … I love it !!! Pls don’t struggle on your own !! X

Hey

So sorry your feeling like this 😞.
I was exactly the same exact I was a SM with young DC 2 under 20 maths SAHM.
Good and bad days very lonely though my parents were good at times friends were OK but didn't really understand.
I'd definitely agree with the other posts get out for a coffee or walk on your own if you can when your husband is home.
Also are the older 2 in nursery/preschool for a fee hours?

I know exactly how you are feeling. I also had 3 under 30 months, and it’s bloody hard work. Make sure you go out every day, just for a walk if nothing else. I can remember many times being the only person in the play park. I would put there hat and coats on and as long as it wasn’t pouring with rain we would be out. Play chase with them round the park, it releases those feel good endorphins that exercise brings. Just remember that you’re doing a fantastic job and it gets easier. Be kind to yourself, you can only give your children the best version of you if your looking after self properly as well.

Try to screen out these disappointing people like your sisters. And adjust your expectations a little bit with your husband, just because you might not get exactly what you need right now from him. The important thing is to remember this is a short phase in your life and it will change and your children will grow up. It’s not forever. It’s understandable you are feeling lonely and emotional. Try to find something nice to do every day and maybe some support like talking to your GP?