What to do with cosleeping toddler?

[Cosleepingadvice]

DD2 is 21months. From around 4months she has been a dreadful sleeper. At that point we switched to co-sleeping, which saved me. At 14months, we did a gradual transition into a chicco next2me forever next to our bed, then in the same room, then in her own room. Sleep was never great but we were down to 1 or 2 wakes in the night + a 5.30am ish start. November though, I had to go away with work for a few nights, she cut her top incisors, we all had the flu bug going round and a week after recovering from that, got another bad cold and she hasn't gone back into her bed since then. When shes in with me, she generally sleeps though until 6.30am but I have a dreadful night's sleep.

Nap wise, she goes to nursery 4 days a week and does about 1hr 15m ish. On the three days at home, she will do 2hrs + in our bed as long as one of us sits with her.

So I suppose two questions:

One - if you cosleep with a young toddler, what do you do in the evening? For the past month, I've just been chilling in the bedroom, doing Christmas shopping etc whilst DD2 sleeps but that's not sustainable long term. We have a bed rail on our bed but I'm not quite ready for her to be able to roam free upstairs yet! Am I missing a trick here? I need to be able to have time to clean, be downstairs, not lose so much time in my day so I can't just sit in bed with her from 7.30pm.

Two - how do I get her back into her bed? Put the next2me back in place and try a gradual transition again? At Christmas she will be sharing a room with her older sister so if that works well, we could put them in together at our house, but I fear shes just going to end up in with me and DH for the week.

When I was cosleeping I just put them to bed in my bed, went downstairs and did whatever, then went to bed at my normal time. Was very rare that they woke in those first hours, and I did also have a baby monitor to keep an eye on them.

I didn’t bother trying to transition either of mine until they were older - 4 - and then they just went straight in to their own rooms.

I cosleep with 23mo DD. I feed her to sleep or DH lies cuddling on his nights, then once asleep we leave the room and go downstairs. Do have a camera but tbh we rarely bother switching on. We always hear her if she wakes and cries out. Sometimes she gets off the bed (slatted frame is on the floor so it's lower, but I think she'd be fine with full height at this age) and comes onto landing, but we are scrupulous about having stair gate closed. Just need to make sure adult duvet and pillows are well away from her sleeping space.
When you say roam free, do you mean you want to leave whilst she is still awake? In which case that is going to be some tough sleep training - possibly not your bag (nor mine) as a cosleeping parent.

How to get her out - well I'm biased I suppose but I have no plans to yet as it's so much easier for me to resettle without getting out of bed. What we have done is make more space. We have a full sized cotbed bolted onto our bedframe at exactly the same height so it extends the mattress space. DD starts in the cot space, comes to me for feeds and usually rolls back away. On a bad night wants to stay cuddled! I'd really recommend it. Took a bit of tinkering to get the heights right but no special kit, just took 1 side off the existing cotbed. And an emperor size flat sheet to cover it all.

OK thanks! This is really helpful to know. I was wondering if thats what others were doing?

By my third i gave up and put a double and single mattress on the floor. Was usually me that ended up rolling over onto the single mattress in the middle of the night but whatever gets you as much sleep as possible🤷 they grow out of it! Mine are all in their 30s-40s and what I'd give for those cuddly little bodies back.......... all hairy beards now🤣

When you sat she's sleeping with her sister at Christmas, is this away from home, and will they be in the same bed?

I bought one of those super tall bedrails that go all around the bed, U shaped. We only cosleep when sick, teething, or after 4am. I feed him back to sleep, and if I wake up before him I sneak out, put the bedrail up and go.

The bed essentially turns into a gigantic crib.

Mine is quite the climber and moves a lot in his sleep, I wouldn't feel ok leaving without bedrails.

Not in the same bed and not at home. We are staying at my DMs and DFs, where they have a room set up with a cot for DD2 and a toddler bed for DD1 (4.5y).

So, assuming your youngest will be ok with this sleeping arrangement, you could use this as your starting point to move her back to her own bed 'like a big girl'. Afteall, if she can sleep in her 'own'bed when away, she can do so at home too.

It's become a habit, for both of you, but it doesn't work for you at all. She's perhaps a little young to respond to incentives to stay in her own bed, but you could try that.
Alternatively, you may have to go though some short term pain of settling her in her own room, staying for as long as it takes, working up to being able to leave after reading a story, for example. You're already sitting with her in your room while she settles, so it's really no different. You'll have to be strong to resist any upset as she adjusts, so be prepared for that. Get her Dad to take some evenings too. The important thing is consistency as you develop the new routine.
It'll be tough in the short term, but worth it for you all in the long run.

Thank you. I think this is true. She will settle in the cot for DH - she doesnt stay all night, but generally is good to about midnight - 2am and he is really good at trying to do as many bedtimes as possible, but its harder during the week due to his commuting time. I think i am too quick to bring her into bed, but to be honest, im exhausted, struggling with trying to balance the needs of both DC, my job, stay healthy and ive just relented for the quickest fix. Which hasn't really helped the long term.