Heavily pregnant with toddler… how do you cope?

[Ritual9]

I’m 38 weeks pregnant with DC2, I’m struggling so much physically and wondered how other people have coped? DS1 is 20 months, he’s still quite clingy and wants to be picked up a lot and climb on me. He goes to nursery 3 days per week but since I’ve started mat leave DH has taken it upon himself to work late meaning I’ve been doing the pickups and drop offs plus dinner bath and bed routine.

Last night DH was out at his works Christmas party so I did dinner, bath, bed and the lifting and sheer chasing DS around to get clothes on, nappy on, etc set off loads of braxton hicks that meant I couldn’t sleep. I’ve had DS alone today, we went to soft play to tire him out but he refused to nap (usually he has 2-3 hours) and again I’ve ended up doing all his evening routine as he needed an earlier bedtime and now I feel quite unwell - sore, nauseous and exhausted.

How do other people cope? I want to be cherishing these last days with him before his brother arrives but I’m literally dreading the weekend and Christmas break!

Well. I don’t want to sound like a cunt, but my husband pulled his weight.

I had SPD so was nearly immobile from 35 weeks. He rearranged his schedule so he could do school runs, MIL also helped, and my aunt too. I also had a childminder who would bring my older son home for those few weeks.

Theres no godly way he’d have started working late when I needed support.

It’s really disappointing that your DH doesn’t seem to be getting this. I could perhaps be more forgiving of a first time dad who doesn’t understand how hard work it is being pregnant or caring for babies and toddlers, but he should grasp this and respond. Have you sat down and told him what you need and that his working late is very difficult for you? What has his response been?

If it helps, it's a lot easier once the baby is here. Being very pregnant with a toddler is harrrrrrd.

Came here to say this. I had a fairly standard pregnancy and still didn't do any toddler bedtimes past 32 weeks. I was too sore and uncomfortable.

My DH cooked, cleaned, did most of the childcare and moved our entire house the weeks before I gave birth. My contribution was still bigger if we're comparing - I grew the baby!

Echoing the other posters - my husband did most of the bath and bedtimes for my 3 year old (and still does them now that we have a 2 month old!). Other than that, lots of cbeebies and as much fresh air as we could manage between the rain and my need for constant toilet stops... I think you need to have a chat with him and tell him that you need more support.

I would drop the daily bath.

It was a weekly one for mine (the true reason is our bathroom was freezing in winter and we couldn't afford to get it warm every day).

Both children are now teenagers, both fit and healthy.

Your dh needs to step up, big time! If you don't desperately need the money then the overtime needs to stop now.

You drop your standards on almost everything. You do what you can to make life easier, quick easy meals, less cleaning and more TV than usual for the toddler. Skip bath time now and again if you need to, do a 'fun' bath during the day instead.

Your dh steps up or funds a home help.

He’s not doing paid overtime but has some projects he wants to get finished before paternity leave hence the working late.

We already have a cleaner and DS is in nursery 3 x per week so I guess I feel like I shouldn’t be struggling this much? It’s really the physical aspects that are killing me, plus doing all the nursery drops means I don’t get any time to sleep in if I’ve had a rubbish night.

I don’t know how people get away with no nightly bath, DS gets absolutely filthy after his dinner!

god I think I can honestly say that being pregnant with a toddler was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, it was SO unenjoyable. I cut down baths, did less lifting and watched a lot more tv!!! Just take it easy on the things you can’t do. I told my toddler my back hurt so couldn’t lift up as much and she understood that. But I also wanted to do bedtime and spend time together so it’s a really difficult balance.

for what it’s worth I think other posters are unfair to surmise your husband is lacking effort based on your post. You’ve said he went to his Christmas party (did you prefer him not to go?!). I also am not surprised that he might be working late in the run up to being off on paternity leave. Most paternity leave don’t have cover that steps in to pick up the work so if he’s trying to get on top of work before this then I think that’s fair enough!

Stop thinking you're failing in some way. You could easily give birth tomorrow. Of course you're tired and uncomfortable.

I gave birth at 37 weeks, bu from about 33 I could hardly move, was vomiting after most meals and no housework could get done. That tough pregnancy is why I'm currently thinking I can't possibly have a second baby and look after a toddler as well as survive it. When my sister was 35 weeks, I went to her house and cleaned it thoroughly, because I remembered what it was like to struggle so much with anything so much. I might have done a bit well to make her feel comfortable at home again, though, as her baby turned up in week 36. Dropping them early is a family trait.

I think you're at the point where you need to ask for help and let people support you, husband, friends and other family. I sometimes think you need it more in late pregnancy than once the new baby arrives.

Ask cleaner or someone else you pay to do pick ups or drop offs

Honestly, you have nothing but my sympathies. DD was 16m when DS was born and oh my god the exhaustion was unbelievable. I will say though, as soon as I gave birth despite multiple night wakings/cluster feeding I had 10x the amount of energy compared to when I was pregnant. So hang in there not long left!

I didn’t find the end of pregnancy particularly challenging, I think that’s probably the answer. I was at the gym jogging on the treadmill 12 hours before I went into labour with my first and was definitely doing 4-5 mile hikes, plus working, plus running after a 5 year old and doing all the school runs. I wasn’t particularly young (37 with youngest), but I stayed pretty active. And when I needed to rest, Dh was there to step in and take over. I’m not sure he would’ve been out at a Christmas party at that stage of the game.

How the f is this the answer?! What an unbelievably odiously smug comment!

I'm only 18 weeks with a 2yo, and I'm finding it tiring OP. I think those posters who are just saying make life as easy as possible have got it ❤️

I have a 16 month age gap, and my eldest wasn't in childcare at all until he turned 2. It was pretty hardcore.

DH was out 6-6 but he did all bath and bedtimes - every night. Like you, any remotely strenuous activity would set off the braxton hicks.

I lived at church playgroups, I went to a different one nearly every day. The church ones are cheap and someone will usually pat you on the shoulder and make you a cup of tea 😂

I was going to ignore this one… if just deciding to find it less hard was the answer, I would have definitely done this!

Presumably with a 5 year old things are a little easier than with a toddler… you wouldn’t be on the floor changing nappies, crawling around to get the dressed, lifting in and out of cots/highchairs/car seats for example? At soft play this morning I was quite envious of the parents with children old enough to play by themselves who were relaxing with a coffee/book and not following their toddlers around!

You have my sincerest sympathies and big big hugs. I'm 37 weeks with a 2.5 year old and I'm exhausted. I don't really fit safely behind the wheel of the car anymore and can't reach pedals and also have pubic symphysis and a suspected prolapse which means taking DD out on my own is really challenging. She's very tall and over 20kg which means carrying her really isn't an option. DH is trying to get the rest of the year as annual leave and will take his full 3 months paternity leave as soon as baby is born. He's also been working from home a lot more and it's honestly the only way I could have managed it.

Last night both DH and DD were vomiting with a bug and I was on my hands and knees cleaning loads of sick all night and it was.just fresh hell. DH was very apologetic but also so poorly. It's so tough and I really hope once baby arrives things become easier re my energy levels and mobility.

Can you ask your DH if he can help in some way? Might it be he doesn't realise and you just have to break it down for him (annoying but sometimes I find that's the case)

Good luck OP, it really isn't easy x

Omfg 37 weeks pregnant, and D&V... :O I'm awarding you medals...

I don't think the poster mentioning the runs and hikes maybe meant it to be quite so maddening by the way. More "some people cope because they have easy pregnancies - so it's luck!"

But, also get it as triggering. I'm 3 years postnatal and I still don't think my pelvic set up and core have recovered... (fell pregnant 2 months after major abdominal surgery to remove my gall bladder- so everything was weak and messed up even before the bump turned up). Keep thinking about going back to doing pilates but no idea how to fit it in..

Frankly, I think it's a bloody miracle anyone ever conceives again?! Do you have immaculate conceptions or what?

I always try to work smarter, not harder! I have 4 kids. The first ones (twins) were almost 2 when I got pregnant with the 3rd and then that child was 18 months when I got pregnant with the 4th. And from 3-8 months pregnant I had all 3 of them home with me all day every day. As you can imagine, it was...challenging. I've learned to work smarter, not harder. Off the top of my head I can think of a few things that made/make my life slightly easier.

Firstly, contain the child. Gate across the door of the room that you're both in or just shut the door if they can't open it yet. Stops them running about the entire house like a nutcase.

If you have stairs and need to go up with them and they're capable then do not carry them unless they're going batshit about it. They can climb up while you walk behind them.

If they want up for a cuddle then fine. You sit down and let them climb up onto you with a little bit of assistance rather than hauling them up when you're standing.

Distraction, distraction, distraction. You know what your child likes and what works to keep them happy. Use that to your advantage. Make your own day easier. Giving them more treats than usual to avoid a tantrum or shocker a bit of screen time temporarily won't damage them forever.

Pick "clean" meals rather than messy ones to reduce clean up for both them and the floor (but also your husband can take care of the clean up when he's there) And by clean food I don't necessarily mean healthy because it's not the time for that right now😂. Also if you don't already use them then invest in a few Bibado type bibs or similar. Honestly, game changer. Reduce the need for a nightly bath.

No clothes with poppers or buttons. Vests possibly fine. If they're wriggling too much to do them up then ah well, just tuck the ends of the vest in. Pick 2 piece pyjamas over sleepsuits. Too many limbs flailing around. Pull ups over nappies because they're much easier to put on a wriggly child.

As others have said, your husband (when he's around because there really isn't anything wrong with a one off Christmas night out) should be picking up the slack in terms of lifting, running around and housework etc. Getting kids into car seats too. Why is that like an Olympic sport at the best of times??

Different people have different pregnancies. Yay for the people who were fit as fiddles during theirs. Personally, I was somewhere in between. But I still didn't put myself out if I absolutely didn't have to!

Edited to add don't take them to soft play! I've never found it tires my kids out. It seems to rile them up instead. Then again, mine have all been shit at napping. 1 hour max and the 3rd child gave up napping completely at 18 months. That was nice... Anyway, don't be running around a soft play after them. Find somewhere you can sit down. Ideally where other people will help 🤣

I would say it’s rough and you just have to muddle through. I think I found late pregnancy with a toddler to be harder than the toddler newborn combo (in some ways anyway!)

Definitely start having DH do more of the physical stuff. And we had DH do all toddler bedtimes prior to the birth so that DS was used to him and not kicking off for me for bedtime when I was dealing with a newborn.

mine was a bit bigger gap, about 26 months, and DS could climb into his car seat, was in a bed (threw himself out of cot) and so didn’t need as much lifting and carrying. Obviously it wasn’t foolproof but I think it helped.

You just do. I have big babies so my second was just under 10lbs at 38 weeks and my toddler was a very active 20 months. My DH was out of the house from 7.30 to 8pm, my son went to bed about 7.30. So it was always me. Just got on with it. (I was also in my 40s and have type 1 diabetes, which led to some issues with my pregnancy).

DS is a fantastic sleeper which is saving me, for this reason I’m reluctant to change his cot to a bed! He will walk upstairs although typically prefers to be carried unless he thinks he shouldn’t be going up there eg if we’ve accidentally left the gate open. I will try and encourage this more often. I think he’s a long way off climbing in his own car seat though, he’s not very big and my car is quite high up.

Im not really berating DH for going on his work party although he’s had quite a few nights out/weekends away lately which have added a bit of physical strain! If he’s here he will help if I ask. But generally I don’t think men necessarily understand how physically challenging late pregnancy is.

No advice but just some reassurance that having a toddler with a newborn is so much easier than being pregnant with a toddler. You are so nearly there!!