To find this mind numbing …..

[Minnierose11]

I want to start by saying, my DD was very wanted, planned for and very loved, I adore her.

Shes 1, recently. And I am still on mat leave, return back to work part time (3days) in February.

But I’ve found the whole experience so far of motherhood, mind numbing. I have moments of pure joy, milestones, firsts etc. But otherwise, I just find the whole experience of it very very mundane and boring..
Shes walking now, has been since 11 months, albeit still abit clumsy. Shes not talking bar mama and dada.

Does it get better?
I feel abit ashamed saying this. Like I’m complaining about something I wanted and tried for, but it hasn’t been the experience I think I was expecting.

In my experience they get more and more fun the older they get. Mine are 4.5 and 2.5 years now and are brilliant. The drudgery is largely gone, they play together, and even the 2yo can make hilarious jokes and comments. But yes, the first year is a lot of nurturing a high maintenance pot plant.

Completely normal! Mine are 9 and 7 are generally brilliant. We can have proper, interesting conversations and the enjoy doing filing things like going to the theatre and out for a meal now.

That’s really reassuring. I know I’m a long way off 9/7 yet but I can’t wait for her to be able to talk and have little conversations, go on little adventures together where she finds everything and anything fascinating. At the moment I feel like I go places to entertain her and she isn’t interested in the slightest or for 5-10 mins max. So it’s alot of the same monotonous things, nappies/nap times, feedings. I love taking care of her but I’m also, bored.

😂 that last sentence summed it up perfectly! But that’s really reassuring to hear! I’m glad I’m not just soulless and it’s a normal feeling xxx

I felt exactly the same. I hoped I would find interesting discussion with the women I met at the daily play groups I attended, but they just wanted to talk about naps, nappies and babies. No one wanted to discuss the news, or even relevant television programs. I used to ring my mum for half an hour on a lunchtime for some stimulation, and I watched every single episode of the Crown & Downton Abbey. I then when my child was playing safely, or napping would research the history of the crown & various aspects of Downton Abbey because I was so utterly bored. I went back to work three days a week after six months for mental stimulation.

I think some people find solace in housework, looking after children, but some people are just not sufficiently intellectually stimulated. Like the naughty child in the class who is actually clever and it’s not interesting enough. I don’t mean mums who like staying home arent intelligent, I’m just trying to draw a bit of a parallel to how I felt. Restless & bored.

So, so boring. And hard. Boring and hard like a really shit job (but unpaid).

It gets better, though

It really does get better IMO!
I absolutely agree - I found the first year or so mind numbing. However, once my DCs became more “interactive” I started to really enjoy being with them, and now they are teenagers I enjoy their company so much (except when they’re being “teenagers”!!). Hang on in there!

I hated pretty much everything before 18 months. And then she started having proper conversations.

Can relate. I remember studying when they were little - not for a course or exam, just to stop being so bored. Managing 5 minutes here or there whenever I could.

It can be very dull. Try and find adult company as much as possible, that will help.

My other recommendation is get a book on developmental psychology (a textbook type not pop psychology) and read up about what's going on in her head. When you know what little things to look for you get more milestones, more Eureka moments. When you know why they're doing stuff, how to build on what they're doing etc. it becomes a lot more interesting. You can even try out some of the experiments on her! It just adds another dimension and a little bit of interest.

This has also been my experience of the mother baby groups… I find them just as dull. I don’t know if it’s because they all feel similar to me, but just don’t voice it, but they literally just have nothing to speak about that’s of any interest, outside of mummy daycare duties, which, I frankly don’t want to talk about, I live it, daily.. I don’t need to hear endlessly about someone else’s mundane routine 😂 (but I also appreciate they’re also likely just trying to find a connection)

But what you’ve said about intellectual stimulation, resonates. My husband actually said the same to me a couple months back, I enjoy my work and I’m quite high up the ladder, when I left for Mat leave, I felt fantastic! But, I definitely need some mental stimulation.

We’re only 6 months away from 18 months! Although, she’s only saying mama and dada as of yet, I can’t see (although she may very much surprise me) her having conversations with me by then! But I can hope! I can’t wait to hear what’s on her mind and all her thoughts..

Haha - so true 😂

This pretty much sums it up 😂

I've got an 8 year old and a 10 month old, so this time, I know it passes. It helps being able to look forward knowing there is an end in sight! (That sounds awful 😂).

Some people absolutely loved the baby stage, but I loved it so much when mine started talking. We could have chats in the car and they would ask me to tell them stories. It definitely got more interesting as they got older. What you feel is normal and I'm sure you're doing a great job.

I went back to work early with both of mine. 6 months and 9 months. They went to full time nursery. However I then gave up work when the youngest was 2 1/2. Much more fun.

Oh god yes.

At one point (in lockdown, admittedly) I used to long for shitty nappies just to give me something purposeful to do.

Can you go back sooner?

People enjoy different stages.

I'm with you - tiny babies are boring after the initial cuddle.
I've always preferred little ones once they get to about 2 and have their own personalities and developing language.

I've often said on here that every stage has been better than the previous one.
Teens are great and young adults even better, but Primary School Age is great too.

9-12 months was tough. Not quite babies anymore, very difficult to entertain, not independent at all, walking very clumsily.

I enjoy it more and more and more with every month. He's almost 17 months and life is VERY different. He plays independently loads, sleeps better (not quite the 11 hours some kids do, he wakes once a night still), says a new word every other day, seems to learn something new every day, he is honestly a joy to be around.

Apparently it all goes to shit again when they turn 2 so I'm soaking it all in.

Yes! I only started enjoying it after almost 10 years. Now it's great.

You might be lucky - neither of my kids have tantrums and no terrible twos. My 2.5 year old should be a nightmare but when she wants to do something ridiculous if you explain why not she goes "ohhh I see. Good spot mummy!". Or rephrases it as her idea followed by 'that's what my talking about!". So it doesn't have to be constant screaming. Claiming no credit for this by the way, like how they sleep I'm sure it's just luck of the draw 😂

TBH I loved it .... but rather than crow and make you feel worse I am trying to think what it was I loved.
I loved:

• watching the tiny progresses in brain development every day
• delighting in the tiniest of each part of them
• those wonderful post-feed cuddles with them gently snuggling and smelling wonderful
• marvelling in each new thing they learned. If you think about it it is a miracle that they go from a bundle of cells to sentient loving beings in about 2 years.
• gently guiding them to pass each milestone
• relishing their wonder at each new thing they saw and thus seeing things anew myself.

Sure there was a lot of nappy changing and wiping up mess but I did not find this irtitating.

Maybe reframe it all as presiding over a miracle rather than drowning in a chore?

Totally agree. My son's six now and he's great company. Don't get me wrong there are still testing times, but it's much more interesting and fun.

I think experience of mat leave is extremely dependent on your baby's temperament. If you have a calm, settled baby it is as you describe - rewarding but also quite dull if you are not proactive about finding additional stimulation.

If you have an absolute banshee that never sleeps, needs to be held all day and screams for hours, it is still boring and repetitive. But also incredibly overwhelming and stressful.

Boring and the days were long, I couldn't wait to get back to work. 😂It got much easier once they turned 3. My two are 9 and 6 now and great fun. Far easier.