Burnt out being Mum!

[Biosblbay]

Does anyone else ever have days where they have so much to do but they just want to sit/ lay there and do nothing?! I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old baby, my husband for the past 3 weeks has been leaving for work before the kids wake up in the morning and doesn’t get home until 9pm most nights at the minute so I have been doing everything to do with the kids, house and dogs. I feel absolutely exhausted and I have reached a point where I have sort of run out of fuel and I just don’t have the energy to do anything. Meals have turned into oven food and quick meals, the house is a mess, I have no motivation, I am so tired and I just feel like crying. I am getting a little snappy with my 3 year old where I am overstimulated and I know that is sooooo wrong, but I just feel like I need a break but can’t get one. He is doing everything he can to get my attention, mummy constantly, tapping me etc. What an awful Mum!! The guilt as well. I feel awful even saying this because I know there are single mums out there that have no support or widowed parents etc. but I really do feel like an awful mum at the minute because I just want to give my 3 year old his tablet for today, not go out, do what I need to do with baby and just mong most of the day. I feel like I am running out of ideas on what to cook, what to do I feel so overwhelmed where I have 101 things to do but I just can’t 😩 I think the correct word is deflated?

Please tell me I am not alone here!

Yep that’s parenting basically

One 7 year old here so it is much easier and I get breaks from childcare when she’s at school / goes to clubs/hobbies.

Although I do work so the true “breaks” are limited, but I do get the chance to sneak in a gym session etc here and there .

I never get to sit around and do nothing though, think I have watched my TV like 3 times this year.

For sure you are not alone.

Foodwise -
jacket potato tuna and sweetcorn
pasta with peas and cheese
Beans on toast
Eggy bread with sliced baby tomatoes
Banana and peanut butter porridge for dinner
Are all absolutely fine.

How come DH is working such long hours?
Today - get them and you outside for some fresh air and to burn off some energy. Then you can have a chilled afternoon maybe a low-stimulation film or just lie on the rug with the baby while 3 year old plays or read some books.

This evening:
Eat with the kids
Early bath so you can spend ages there - i find it easy parenting!
Go to bed at the same time - you need a bit more rest.

It's not surprising you are burnt out in those circumstances!

Is the 3 year old in any child care? Can you up it if so?
Does DH NEED to work those insane hours and if so does he get paid enough for you to afford some help, even a dog walker?
What's your wider support network like?

I honestly wouldn't worry about oven cooking if you are offering the odd vegetable.

@IAmNotSureAboutYouNowit is so hard isn’t it! Just feel guilty at times for not being as active as I should be. It’s hard that he is off school at the minute as well. We are out this evening though going to a light show so that is something, but in the nicest way possible, I am so burnt out that I really don’t want to go but am forcing myself to because of the kids. I was so excited about going about a week ago, but every day is getting harder and harder

@Mulledjuice@Allswellthatendswelll my 3 year old is off school currently (Christmas holidays). Husband has to work long hours as he works on commission and gets paid very well - I think a cleaner would benefit me though, maybe that’s something I could suggest to him. We are out this evening, going to a Christmas light show which I am looking forward to but at the same time also feeling very stressed with it because I have no energy!

also in terms of support I only have my Mum who does help but only here and there, it’s never for like a full day, or she would only take 1 child at a time so I never really get a break

OP why don’t you get your husband to take the kids to the lights show this evening and you get a few hours of peace for yourself?

I know you will probably feel like you’re missing out on something, but realistically you’ve had sole responsibility for the last few weeks, it’s his turn.

There will be plenty more opportunities for nice moments with the kids over the next while, which you will enjoy much more if you’d had a break.

Does baby take a bottle? If so I second what PP says - can your husband take both kids tonight? (Or, if not tonight, some day very soon?) He is busy too, yes, but it is seriously a very different type of busy. You have to be “on” 24/7, and it’s too much for anyone.

Yep, I get you. It’s the kind of crippling exhaustion that ‘a bath to yourself, a lie in (with shrieking kids screaming MUM from downstairs), a cup of tea alone’ just doesn’t come anywhere close to fixing. I know people who suggest these things mean well but really it’s just lip service because they want to make a suggestion, when the truth is there is no remedy. It’s just grinding exhaustion for years and years with no answer, that you just have to push through and ‘make the most of’.

From one exhausted mum to another, good luck!

I think it's pretty normal OP. The fact that you feel guilty shows you care and are therefore a good mum. But be kinder to yourself, a preschooler and a baby is a huge amount of work!

Mine are little older now and things are definitely easier, but I remember being so desperate for some time to myself and then basically just sitting on the sofa and staring at the wall if I did get any.

How well do your DC sleep? Getting woken up in the night makes EVERYTHING harder, don't underestimate the effect of poor sleep. Can you snuggle up on the sofa with both DC and a Christmas movie?

Yeah, it's this.

DH took our toddler out for a 32 minute walk last Sunday (yes, I timed it) and had the audacity to ask me if I enjoyed the time to myself when he got back. Yes, 32 minutes of peace has really helped me recover from years of pregnancy, sleep deprivation, mental load, full time work and zero time or energy for myself.

Even a whole night to myself wouldn't cut it at this point.

It's deep, deep exhaustion.

You are so understandably burnt out. Any chance you have lingering post natal depression?
Or just plain exhaustion which can lead to overwhelm, depression etc?
Can you trade babysitting with another mom, or get a nearby kid or teen to babysit, take child to park, watch baby, to give you rest time?
Online counselling help?
Take good care of yourself first. Clean the house later.