Shouting

[cadburyegg]

I just lost my shit at my 10 year old tonight.
it happens sometimes but more often these days.
i know its not ok and i have profusely apologised to him but I know its not good enough.
how can i be better?
My dad was like this, horrible and shouty and he was also physically abusive. I do not want to turn into him. I am completely overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn. I need help.

The first thing is that it's great you've realised that this is damaging, for you and for him. And that yes, an apology is just a mockery if you keep doing the same thing.
What sort of things trigger you? Play the scenario through in your head and really iron out the details of how you want to deal with it. What would you say? How would you say it? How would you deal with back chat? Run through all the outcomes and know what you want to do. This makes it much easier to be able to do it in real life as you've already practiced, rather than freestyling and falling back to shouting. At the moment shouting is what you've practiced, so you need to try and mentally practice a new option. X

First of all.. be kind to yourself.. we all lose our shit sometimes.. it's human... the main thing is that you reflected and repaired afterwards.,

i tell myself in these moments that:

its not my job to convince him to be nice
It's not my job to win the argument
it's not my job to get immediate compliance

my job is to:

stay the regulated adult
set a clear boundary
remove fuel from the interaction

What you're feeling right now is very common and very human - not a failure..

Sometimes this is due to burnout, tiredness or even underlying anxiety. I used to have very little patience and be really irritable but since going onto a lowish dose of medication (sertraline) I’m much more relaxed and tolerant.