I need help...

[Mominsales]

Hello,
So I'm a mom to an 11 year old girl. She is Autistic, ADDA/ADHD and has Chronic uncontrollable Asthma.

Which means for her. If the weather changes and it is hot...or cold.... If she jumps around or exercises...well pretty much does anything. Even just running up the stairs. She ends up needing steroids and 9/10 help from the hospitals.

So with that being said. She is poorly pretty much every month. Which means, I have to use all my annual leave solely for hospital appointments and time off work to spend in hospital with her. Along side A LOT of unpaid leave.

This is my 4th job in 3 years. I find it soooo hard to keep a job because well I'm an unreliable employee. On paper.

Currently, I have spent this week leaving work at 5pm. Going to the hospital and sleeping there with my daughter. Until dad comes and takes over at 8am. I then spend the day at work and repeat. It is now Thursday, I am falling to sleep at my desk. I have serious anxiety I will loose my job in the new year. I have been at my current place of employment for 9 months. I am yet to work one full month.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I am exhausted. I just want to be able to sleep through the night. Earn a month's wage and everyone be happy and healthy. But that is not our reality.

I have now come to the conclusion that at WFH role is my only other option. If that doesnt work. I genuinely don't see how I can work and support my daughter. It isn't like we have help either. It's just me and her dad. bar myself and her dad. we don't have outsider help.

If anyone has any advice, or is in the same boat! I would love to chat. Please!

Realistically with her level of health I would honestly look at what you could get on benefits vs working. If you aren't a higher earner and taking a lot of unpaid leave you might not actually be worse off. Working is obviously adding a lot of additional stress onto yourself and your daughter needs you to be well. If you are actually falling asleep at your desk then you aren't really that safe to be driving for example.

ok, maybe worth me going to the Job centre too see what their thoughts are

Have a look if dd would be entitled to disability living allowance (DLA). You then maybe able to get carers allowance, universal credit (dependent on income/savings). May be worth looking at entitled to or similar to get a calculation of what you'd be entitled to if you lost your job. But in your circumstances I'd seriously look at dla now (as it'll take a while to apply). I know giving up work isn't ideal due to loosing wage and pension contributions etc and the mental health side of working is important (but your mh is going to be as affected by the current situation).

I’d like to keep my job as I have ambitions I’d like to achieve. I will definitely look at DLA over the Christmas break and go from there!

If possible you might try to live off benefits including DLA for a while, until DD is better. Or, you might look for some work that can be done from home at times that suit you. Holding down a full time job does doesn't seem feasible at the moment. Hopefully things will improve in time.

Unlike a vast majority, you really deserve some help and I hope you get it

Claim DLA for her and Carers Allowance for you.

Carers allowance, is that not only for looking after disabled people?

You are looking after a disabled person OP. Your daughter is disabled. Look into applying for DLA for her and carers allowance for you.

Also have you spoken to your work about what’s going on? They can offer more support if you’re open with them. Can you work from home or more flexibility maybe?

I am very open with work and I did give them the heads up in the interviewing stage.

however, it is a stern no for working from home. And they say it’s ok at the time. But you know that feeling … when you’re on leave. That you are being spoken about & how it is not feasible…

Your daughter is disabled.
Autism is a disability.