I think there are enough red flags to warrant talking to your HV although be prepared you might get fobbed off at this age.
It makes sense to rule out hearing issues and it's an easy box to check so definitely look into that.
The parenting resource I'd recommend most highly at this stage assuming you've done the usual stuff (literally any parenting book ever) is probably Conscious Discipline. They have some brilliant stuff about breathing rituals which you can incorporate into your day to day along the lines of nursery rhymes or songs with actions, then you can call back on them when the shit is hitting the fan and it's not just this annoying adult telling them to calm down and take a deep breath, because they actually enjoy doing the fun let's blow up a balloon/be a pretzel/blow out birthday candles etc.
They also have really good tips for the adults to help keep you calm. Something which really helped me to learn about is the nervous system part - this is annoyingly overdone on social media now but the basic idea, that our nervous systems are constantly looking for danger signals and will amp our bodies up closer to a fight-or-flight state is true. Young children tend to have difficulty with this because their emotional regulation is underdeveloped, and potentially ND children even more so because of sensory overload and difficulty with mismatch between the adult expectation and their ability to meet it. (AKA "demands" or Ross Greene "Unsolved Problems") - but the problem is because our threat detectors are very sensitive to the unconscious, invisible body language of another human being escalated, when a young potentially ND child is in an escalated state that tends to escalate us too and then we get more panicky, more tense, more likely to raise our voice, act physically intimidating and try to assert control, less lenient, less empathetic, more likely to forget whatever useful thing we read in the parenting book and more likely to repeat automatic phrases from our own childhood, and in the meantime you're co-escalating each other, which is a problem.
So if your child is easily escalated you will want to learn how to either cool yourself down, which you can do by understanding what they are going through so you recognise it consciously rather than reacting automatically, or by having set rehearsed actions to go through in that moment to replace the automatic responses (which is how things like "123 Magic" work) or the one which worked the best for me is to have the rehearsed action be things which mimic the body language of someone who is relaxed and not detecting any threat at all. For this the shorthand is to pretend the child is a hurt wild animal and you're trying not to spook them, so make yourself small, quiet and slow, talk very little and if you do talk, make your voice low and slow and soothing, without demands or threats. Breathe slowly, relax your shoulders and jaw and eyes. Some of this will filter back into your own body and send the signal back that there is no danger so it also keeps you calmer. This calm/body language then sort of catches on to them, giving their nervous system the message there is no threat, which is called co-regulating. (Again a term massively overused on social media, but this is what it actually means).
Anyway Conscious Discipline uses a three brain-state model to talk about this which is brilliantly helpful IMO.
They also have a lot of scripts which are actually useful for approaching situations where e.g. two children are clashing or a child is having a big reaction to something or you need to stop them doing something and they would rather not. And all their interventions are just brilliantly designed so they are easy to understand and remember IMO. There is a lot of stuff on their website but it is a bit cluttered and hard to navigate but they also have youtube, facebook and probably other things. I got some of it from listening to interviews with the founder as well.
BTW if your DH is undiagnosed ADHD, he will probably get sucked into the co-escalation extremely easily, I always used to and do much less now I am medicated but it does still take a strong conscious effort of working against it.