Paternal and maternal grandparents

[Firsttmum]

Hi

Just looking for advice. We’re lucky enough to live close by to both sets of grandparents and they both assist with childcare as my partner and I work full time. My 3 yr old LO shows a great preference for her paternal grandparents. I understand it’s quite normal and I’m very happy that she has such a good relationship with them. However, I can’t help feeling a bit sad for my parents.

For example, when she asks which nanny she’s going to and I tell her it’s my mum we have a tantrum. When she’s at my parents house she asks frequently “when can we go and see daddy’s mummy”. Today, we saw my parents and they were trying to engage with LO, asking her questions and trying to play but she blanked them. She said she was too busy to talk 🤣

for context, paternal side have many grandkids and know exactly what to do. This is my parents first grandchild, although they’re amazing with her they aren’t quite as natural.

My parents are good at not letting their emotions show as she’s only little but I can tell it upsets them both quite a lot. I did end up having a conversation with little one today saying when she ignored nanny and grandad it makes them sad but I don’t know how much of that she takes in. I had a little cry to myself because it breaks my heart for my parents.

Any advice? I’m sure many people have dealt with similar situations.

It's hard. We don't have such a bias but my daughter will cry at my parents that she wants my partners parents and my partners parents are visiting she wants mine.
She's the same with me and her dad too. Cries for daddy on the mornings I'm on my own with her and when he's on her own she wants me.
Patience and gentle reminders about the benefits of who's around her and talking about when you will see the other set of grandparents. It will pass just try not to make it a bigger deal that it needs to be.

Is there anything that has triggered the difference?

I had a very different relationship with my maternal and paternal grandparents. My mum's parents were my safe haven and I saw them several times a week. Regularly dropped in to see them after school all the way through secondary school until I went to uni. Did weekly Skype calls during my degrees.
I didn't see my nan for about 2years when I was 7. She smoked and I didn't like the smell. Once I was older I'd call in on her once and month and then when I went to uni it went to a couple of times a year.

One thing I think is important is to never make her responsible for an adult’s emotions. It’s not her job to make granny and grandad not feel sad. It’s okay to talk about and name emotions. But she isn’t responsible for their feelings. If they want a strong relationship with her, they need to work on themselves and engage with her. They’ve raised children. They know how to interact with a young child. They need to put the work in.

My dc kinda feel this way about MIL. She will come with little treats for them, but otherwise she’s really bloody boring. She’s never taken them anywhere to do anything fun. She’s only just turned 70, so was late 50s when eldest was born. Mostly, she just sits at the table with them, sometimes she’ll take the dog into the garden. Last time we left them with her at ours for 2 hours, she spent the whole time reading a world atlas to them! 😂 They are 7 & 12. My 12 year old said it was the most bored she’d ever been in her life. 🤣 It is boring. I don’t blame them. They are taught to be polite, but they certainly never ask to see her if we don’t push it.