Feel like a failure

[Annon53]

I’m not too sure why I am posting, I just feel like an awful parent at the minute, like I am a complete failure, I am a single parent to 3 boys and bedtime has always been a nightmare, the boys seem to take it in turns each night to play up, last night the youngest who is 4 was horrendous, I feel like a terrible mum because I know it was probably my fault, from 8 o’clock he was refusing to go to sleep, I normally have bedtime music playing on the TV as this is the only way I can get him to go to sleep but last night he was jumping all over the bed, getting out of the bed, kicking and hitting so I turned the music off, I normally stand and the end of the bed and every time he tries to get out of bed I lie him back down and say ‘It’s bedtime’ this went on for 2 and a half hours, I ended up getting frustrated with him and firmly telling him off to the point in the end by half past 10 I was in tears which then upset him, I had tried holding him to calm down, singing to him, rubbing his back and he was still jumping around and hitting out showing that he was very frustrated, at the same time I was trying to get the older two to go to sleep and getting cross with them when they kept getting up and asking for a drink and asking to go to the toilet, I’ve lay awake half the night just feeling like a complete failure, I hate bedtimes so much and I don’t want it to be like this anymore

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. It sounds like a nightmare. I was a single parent to 3 when my youngest was 7 and that was awful at times. I could have strangled my eldest quite often as he used to wind the others up constantly.

I think kids are generally more hyped up around Xmas time anyway, so you’re going to have problems calming them down for the next week or so I’m guessing. Can you find some sort of reward for the older two if they go to bed quietly so that you can concentrate on the youngest? Perhaps a reward for him too if he’s quiet by a certain time? I know this probably sounds impossible, but maybe all this excitement will ease off in a couple of weeks.

Do you get any time to yourself when you could go out for a walk to get away from the house & chaos?

Thank you so much for your reply, they do go to their dads a couple of nights a week but they seem to go to bed ok there, I think this is what’s making me feel even worse, to be honest I think bedtime has been a struggle for a while now but I know the run up to Christmas will be harder with excitement, I just feel so worn down by it, i will give the reward chart a try though and see if that helps, I have done this in the past but I will give it another go

Don’t compare what’s happening in their Dad’s house to what’s happening in yours. Kids’ behaviour is often far worse at home than elsewhere - it’s a safe place for them to let rip and they know they can get away with it (mostly).

You’re absolutely not a failure for trying to get them to go to bed at a reasonable time.