When did a ~3 year sibling age gap get easier?

[Keeponshining]

Two DS. 2 year 11 month gap. Nearly 2.5 and nearly 5.5.

It’s still feels totally relentless. They seem to have no common ground but both want 100% of DH and I 100% of the time. We basically have to divide and conquer all weekend. If it’s an activity one is interested in the other will inevitably be a nightmare, wind the other one up and squabbling will ensue.

5.5 year old has never been much an imaginative player really. Prefers doing toys, like Lego/drawing/marble run/board games. He’s getting a bit better but he’s not a naturally independent child, we still hear ‘mummmmyyy’ or ‘dadddddyyyy’ within minutes of him ‘independently playing’. Resistant to leaving the house at the weekend.

2.5 year old is just a bag of physicality. He’ll play with toys with encouragement for minutes at most, but really he just wants to move +++. Loves being out and about.

Seeing it written down maybe they will just never got a long. A weekend alone with both of them is just horrendous and so much harder than when they were newborn and toddler!

This really depends on the children involved and it sounds like yours aren’t particularly compatible unfortunately.

I think sadly you might be right. They are both quite high needs but in totally different ways. Eldest is probably a natural only child to be honest, he would have been quite happy it just being him, DH and I.

I don’t have the answer but mine are a very similar age, maybe a few months younger than yours, also a 2 year 11 months age gap and I feel your pain. It’s not just your children

This actually gives me a bit of hope that maybe it’s an age thing and not just a personality thing 😵‍💫 sorry it’s so hard for you too. I had them on my own yesterday and it saw me off. There is always lots of advice on MN to ensure both parents get a break at the weekend. To be honest I’m just not sure a break is worth the torture of trying to manage them single handed in return!

I have 2 girls, 3 yrs 3 months apart, and they literally hated each other until the youngest was 8 (lockdown). They’re now 17 and 13 and best friends, so there is hope! I still can’t believe it sometimes.

I used to say my eldest never got over the trauma of no longer being an only child.

Mine have 2.5 and 5 year gaps (so ds1, dd 2.5 years later then ds2 2.5 years later) dd and ds2 always got on well but did pull apart a bit in their teens. Ds1 never really got on well with either. They were just very different people. However, he and dd worked together age 17/19 to 19/21 over the summers which really improved their relationship. Over the past few years, ds1 and ds2 have gotten much closer. All three are now great friends and socialise together pretty regularly when they are in the same location.

Unfortunately, none of this happened until ds1 moved away for uni so if your two are similar, you've a long wait.

Our eldest was exactly like that , was perfectly happy as an only child, which is ironic really as I miscarried his twin at 12/13 weeks . Ours are now adults and get along better than they ever did as children so there is hope you just might have to wait a while

This thread is giving me a real dose of fear now. I’m due my second next year and will have a 2yr 10 month age gap.

I definitely resonate with some of the descriptions of your first DCs here. My DS definitely falls into the category of probably being happier as an only child and I’m so stressed that the arrival of number 2 is going to traumatise him for life. He’s been a Velcro baby/toddler since day 1, and I probably hear ‘mum/mummy’ a thousand times a day.

Hopefully bumping this thread OP so others come along with more optimistic experiences 🤞

Probably not what you are looking for, but my sibling and I (three year age gap) get on better since we reached our fifties.