Shoes on/shoes off indoors culture clash with newborn and in laws

[garden321]

I’m from a no shoes indoors, floor based culture but will be living with UK in laws with a newborn and toddler. They wear shoes all over the house and act like I am unreasonable when I ask to take shoes off. Can I ask how you manage kids who live on the floor in a house where mud and all sorts is walked all over floors and rugs and carpets? They either don’t see or don’t mind the clumps and stains and bits on the rugs and floors. It grosses me out and I feel on edge when my kid is there as the streets are full of dog dirt etc and nobody knows what they are walking in. My kid is used to existing on the floor, gets changed on the floor, eats on the floor, lies down to read on the floor etc. Do you have dedicated play mats where people don’t walk for the kids to exist? Do kids do everything at tables? Thanks!

I don't think you can ask them to change when you are living in their house. What about the bedroom, it's likely to have a cleaner carpet? A nice foldable rug you fling down for the child to use would be a good plan. And you or your dh can help out by hoovering more often. It's not really a thing that people have clumps of mud on the floor, that's unusual.

My parents are the same. The answer is simple - you don't live with them. You can't change how people act in their own home.

And btw shoes indoors is not really a British thing. It's a people thing. Lots of UK households are shoes off.

I wouldn’t like it either as my girls are always all over the floor, as most kids are ! Maybe carpet time for your bedroom and as another ouster suggested by your own playmat?

I would say Op, that most of us know if we have stepped in dog dirt, so I would be surprised if your in laws were treading that throughout the house.

I think the ideas of a rug your dc can use , and helping keep the place clean are both good ones.

You can enforce your own rules in your own home.

I used to take a padded throw with me everywhere I went with DD. I put it down for her to play and crawl on. I didn’t care what anyone thought. It kept her clean and made sure that no baby goo got onto the carpet of the house we were in.

I wouldn’t be living with them. What’s the alternative? Where do you live now?

You are unreasonable to ask them to change how they do shoes on / off - at least, you can ask, and if they say no, you shouldn’t ask again. I’m sure you’ve seen on here there is quite a mix of shoe on/off culture in the UK - varies a lot.

Your baby will be fine. If you are worried you can hoover the floor a lot more frequently, and have a play rug, plus do more at tables. It’s not weird for a toddler to do drawing or activities at a table.

We were a mix of shoes on and shoes off - def off if we were back from a muddy place. We didn’t have “clumps and stains”. Kids also completely fine. Totally happy to take shoes off in a house that asks for it and we’d take ours off if they were noticeably muddy but since we weren’t eating off the floor and washed hands etc before eating, it didn’t cause any problems.

In my experience in Britain even if you put a playmate down, they would still walk on it with shoes. Like others have said, not living with them is your only option here. But maybe think of it as benefitting their gut biome.

I'd just like to point out that shoes on isn't a UK thing. It varies from different house holds.

We are and always have been a shoes off, can't stand the kids traipsing mud into the house. My IL'S come to ours and leave them on, I really don't like it, especially as they don't have shoes on at home it seems odd. They won't take them off at ours, I've yet to be brave enough to ask them to take them off so good luck.

Can they wear house slippers? I never understand the idea that it's their house, so you have to put up with everything. Yes, its their house but in a joint family, everyone has to compromise and co-operate with each other. They can easily wear indoor shoes/slippers.

Def English def shoes off even when I visit others

It’s their house, so their rules. But yes, I think it’s weird that people wear shoes in their house. I’m boring ole British, but we live on a farm, so no one ever wears shoes in their house here because it would just be animal poo and mud everywhere. Realistically, I think you just make do until you can move into your own place.

We are a Uk shoes off household. So was my life as a child and my DH. So it’s definitely not uncommon to take your shoes off in the Uk

If you have your own home, you can have them keep a pair of indoor shoes at your home for when they visit. That way they can wear shoes inside without tracking anything in.

If you are living in their home, this is just one of many things where you will have no control. You won’t have full parenting autonomy because some decisions are household decisions and those will be made by them.

im a shoes off believer despite not being raised that way. It’s absolutely disgusting to wear outdoor shoes in the house. I do think eventually there will be a cultural shift, but it’s going to take several generations.

It's their house so you cannot complain really

Children in the UK also play on the floor with no noticeable infant mortality issues related to that, so you'll be grand.

My parents house is a shoes on house but I've done shoes off since. We keep our shoes on in my parents house due to not being dog and cat hair into our house as I am allergic to cat hair and don't want to all that into our house.

We don't eat on the floor but they have a big coffee table so we sit around that for situations where we would have sat on the floor but this is probably the only change and this is more because they have pets and we don't. We have a mat that I put down when my daughter was small and playing but that's more of a comfort thing as it's hard floors.

In nearly 40 years of living and visiting my parents I haven't stood in anything unexpectedly nor picked up any bugs etc. My socks do get a bit dirtier than they do at my house but nothing that doesn't wash out and I think that's more down to the fact that they don't maintain their hard floors as much as we do so dust is trapped in the crevices more. Whenever they do oil their floors its noticeably cleaner.

My parents automatically remove shoes in our house. The porch of shoes means that everyone that comes in takes their shoes off as its clear it's a shoes off house and everyone complies with the nudge.