Is this a fair deal?

[Elsraspberry]

Three children under 5. SAHM, working dad.

Monday - Thursday, mum alone with kids whilst dad out at work 7.30-7pm. Gets back in time to lay with one child whilst they fall asleep. Mum does all laundry, cleaning, cooking, weekly food shop, school runs etc.

Friday - dad works from home. Does morning school run, cooks dinner and logs off at 4pm to be available for dinner, bath and bedtime with mum.

Weekends - mum gets a lie in on a Sunday morning. All cooking, tidying etc shared.

Not current set up, but both feeling so burnt out currently trying to muddle through in chaos and trying to come up with a system/routine that feels manageable and fair for both! Any input?!

Yes, I think this sounds fair.

I’m assuming dad gets the long lie Saturday? If so, yes. But perhaps dad can also do Friday night stuff by himself and let mum have a night off? Plus her long lie…

No point having anyone else’s input. Both are essentially “workimg” and it’s tiring although SAHM doesn’t have deadlines and has more flexibility. So it is whatever you both think is a manageable fair split. Outsource as much as you can and get multiples of clothings etc so you reduce the frequency of laundry

You still have as much laundry as it’s not based on how many clothes you have but on how often you change your clothes.

It sounds fair. I assume there's not loads of cleaning to do at the weekend. Hopefully you can use this time to have fun. I've found having a break from the drudgery gave me a boost. 12 hours 4 days a week is a lot to be working. Is he able to cut down at all so you both have more time that overlaps at home?

It sounds fair.
unless you can afford to/want to outsource loads/some then 3 children under 5 is going to be hard however you manage it. The choice to have a third is always going to mean compromise on disposable time.
my only one comment is to double check dad was always working those long hours and they haven’t suddenly increased to avoid parenting.

It sounds pretty hard work for both of them to be honest!

I do think the DH could pick up some more Monday - Thursday. There are days when I work 7-7 out of the house, I still clear up after dinner, run some laundry those days

I also think the SAHM could use some nursery hours perhaps to get more of a break during the week?

How old are dc? Any multiples? Agree with pp at least 1 dc must be eligible for the nursery hours?

Sounds fair as long as dad gets a lie in in the Saturday morning.

Just noticed the school run aspect, oldest is at school so home with 2 dc?

I actually think that makes it harder.. limits what day trips and outings you can do with the ones at home, have to drag them out on the school runs, no matter what the weather

Eldest is now at school. Middle will start nursery next September and go mornings (same school). Youngest is 7 months. More childcare at this point isnt really an option.

We both adore the three of them, and accept that these initial years of three young kids are going to be tough. I am just looking for ways to optimise/schedule so that it feels a little less relentless and chaotic for both of us.

Husbands job does require a lot of hours unfortunately, and he works bloody hard with very little complaint! Currently he tries to be available 5pm onwards but this means he then spends hours logged on at evenings and weekends. He gets on but I can see the toll it is taking. First 6 months have been tough on me this time as our third is an awful sleeper/feeder/velcro baby. The fog is lifting slightly so I am now feeling more able to think outside of my own survival and am trying to come up with a plan for us to manage things a bit less chaotically.

Plan is for husband to have regular intervals of annual leave, to give us both some breathing space and rest.

We work well as a team but just trying to optimise. Just useful to have other people's inputs as obviously only going from my own experience and might be missing the mark! Thanks everyone x

The afternoon school run is the worst part of my day! So disruptive for the little 2! X

Sounds fair assuming Dad gets the lie in on a Saturday.

Three children under five is just extremely tiring, and it will be until they are older. Presumably it isn’t quite so full on when at least two of them are at school or preschool.