Do I need to Relax?

[muddle123]

My MIL called today and said “ I need to relax more” because she wants to see my 6 months old more.
just for reference she sees him twice a week and the last time she did which was two days ago she had him all day!
the thing is I enjoy motherhood, sure it has its challenges but I don’t complain I have a good temperament with it all, plus my maternity ends in just over a month and I just don’t feel the need to let her have him all the time - twice a week feels too much sometimes but I still continue as my mum has him twice a week too so it’s even & fair.
I just didn’t have a baby to palm him off all the time, I love him and want to make the most with him.

do I need to relax?

One day a week each should be enough. That was the arrangement when our GC were little.

Your MIL needs to back off

Once a week is fine isn't it. Nobody needs to."have the baby" i just think shes a bit over excited set out days you visit or she comes round , be busy , what does your partner say about it ?

They both do the same visit, no one is more special than the other

So you have them both at your house twice a week, ? I have reported my post i thought I had misread again so it might vanish, but you don't have to accommodate Grandparents like this but you don't have to demonise your Mil when your own mother sees the baby just as much.

My mum works away so she is only my one for 2 & a half days so she will see him for a few hours (if that) on 2 of them days whereas MIL doesn’t have a job and wants to come round all the time. I just try to keep it even because I don’t want my mum to feel as if she is missing out just because she works but I’m so tired of this all 🤣

Set your boundaries and stick to them otherwise she’ll just be overstepping more and more.

Your baby is going without his parents to grandparents 4 times a week?

Save those days when you have returned to work- each grandma can have him for 2-3 full days. Win-win!

No they come over 4 times a week which is the pressure to keep accommodating, but my mother-in-law says that’s too little and that I need to chill and let her have him more Sometimes they have them for the full day, but I’m very hesitant on that because I enjoy spending time with my baby, but it’s not good enough for some

Right I have got you now 😂 you need to be "busy" if you don't want them there most of the week.

That sounds exhausting! You need to cut back.

You get to decide and quite frankly twice a week is a lot and your MIL can insist all she wants but you are the parent and you want to spend time with your child too.

Don't be pressured into giving more than you want. I would cut MIL down to one day and if she moans you can tell her it can be none. You do not have to make things even. Your relationship with your Mum is separate and probably very different to your relationship with your MIL. I was happy to breastfeed in front of my Mum but not my MIL and she was absolutely lovely and kind.

You decide how much time your child spends with each grandparent. Set boundaries and times. Have a phrase you keep repeating when she tries to overstep like this is what I have decided or that is what works for me and my child. If she tells you to relax say you are and her opinions are unwanted, you didn't ask and if you need advice, you will ask.

Being a grandparent is a privilege, no one has a right to your child.

I’m not sure it’s you who needs to relax OP. Have you asked her how much her own Mother did for her when she first had babies?

Do what suits you. I would try and accommodate grandparents but not at the expense of my happiness or stress levels. I don't like to give my baby to the care of anyone other than husband until about 9 months because I don't like being away from them and their naps mess up and it makes my life hell (tried several times and naps were messed up)

Also how irritating being told to "relax". You don't need to at all. I've got 2 children. Both still need naps and for this reason, I wouldn't give them to grandparents for a full day (unless it was needed because they'd mess up the naps which means I'm dealing with over tiredness and whinging or a late bedtime and then that's my evening gone. Im happy to look after my children, so there's no benefit to me and just causes issues.