Don’t enjoy parenting

[parentparenting]

I don’t know if I’m depressed or something but I really don’t enjoy being a parent, some days I wake up and I just feel like oh no not this again, I love my children but I don’t enjoy being a parent, the constant demands, never getting a second to myself, so much cleaning and cooking, the school run, doing everything for everyone. I don’t enjoy it. Then people say well at least you have your children and I’m just think yeah…. Is there something wrong with me?

It’s a tale as old as time unfortunately. Many women feel the same and have done for decades. It won’t last forever even though it feels like it. You also need to ensure your partner pulls their weight. If they’re not, why not? (Rhetorical question).

No, there is nothing wrong with you. Parenting at times is a hard slog! What ages are your children?

Yea it’s full of drudgery, and you can feel like you are in a never ending cooking, cleaning, entertaining treadmill. Once they start school and are a bit more independent it gets better, then teenagedom is a whole other level of psychological strain.
Now mine are 20 and 22 and are great, though they don’t get on particularly well which is my biggest sadness.

Sorry to say but they are in school as per my post the school runs etc I don’t want to say ages as I get told I’m “out of the trenches”, they are not babies or toddlers.. I miss those years it was much easier! It’s got much harder the older they’ve got

Hi, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. It's not always easy asking for help especially as a parent with pressure to 'get it all right'. I've seen this lots with the clients who I work with- feeling stuck in a cycle of frustration, guilt and a pile of unmet needs. Be encouraged that there are seasons for everything, but it doesn't have to feel this hard; you matter too and the work I do helps parents have more clarity on the why of things which allows you to step into the kind of parent you actually want to be- and enjoy your children again!

Sounds hard.

Is it ACTUALLY your children or is it your life/ lifestyle???

Are you working or SAHM?
Do you have friends? Family?
Do you have a partner or husband?
Do you feel you have nothing "for you"?

I dont have a partner and not married, i have family but they dont help with my children (not that i would expect them to)

Well therein lies the battle

Who helps?

I had to laugh at a friend the other day telling me how hard she finds it
Same aged kids as me

She Also has two teenagers who step in everyday to help
She has all grandparents alive next door to her and a partner

I'm a single parent

It can be hell
Luckily we have a lovely childminder who helps each week

I feel your pain

My family don’t have any interest in my children it would be nice if they did but they don’t so not much I can do. My mum is very much of the opinion they are your kids your responsibility.

Sounds tough OP.

Can you try and simplify your life in any way. Turn Sundays into your admin days, go and do the food shop, batch cook and prep for the week. Do a big curry, chilli, bolognese, soup so that you have a few evening meals ready and waiting in the fridge to just reheat. Make sure you have at least two “easy” dinners a week. Jacket potatoes, something on toast, pizza.

Also on Sunday get all the kids uniforms ready for the week and packs lunches done ready for the morning. If it means the kids slob infront of the tv for a few hours so be it.

Set yourself one house work job a day so you’re not looking at the place and feeling over whelmed. Monday the bathroom, Tuesday change beds, Wednesday polish and hoover etc.

Start making small changes during the week to make things feel a little more special with the children. Maybe on a Friday everyone gets to spend £1 at the corner shop on their treat for the evening and then you all have a movie night before bed?

Would they sit around the table together to do craft projects, colouring books, Lego etc? If you start setting structured activities it gives you a little time to sit down with a cup of tea without being pestered.

I feel for you although I do have a DH that pulls his weight (but works 6 days out of 7) we both work, have absolutely 0 family help, I still find it tough. Particularly weeks like this week - D&V in the house, no sleep, so much cleaning up to do, children that are too sick to go anywhere but not quite sick enough to lie in bed or sleep all day. Dog going mad wanting to be walked, washing everywhere, just absolutely knackered. Both kids (6 and 2) follow me around the house and only rarely play without fighting or needing heavy input. They don’t ’watch films’, baking really just means making a mess then fighting and crying, and they most definitely do not ‘potter’ whatever that means.

I love my kids and on a good day (probably 1 day out of 5 at the moment) I really wouldn’t choose to do anything else. But those moments are a minority and it’s 80% hard work for 20% ‘having a nice time’.

As we use our AL for school holidays it’s rare I get any time with DH, but 1 day before Christmas we book off together while kids are at school/nursery so we can Christmas shop and go out for lunch. Of course that day is tomorrow and the youngest has come out in what appears to be a blister type rash, so nursery won’t take him so that’s that - our 1 date a year cancelled.

I won’t even listen to parents whinging who have significant grandparent help - it’s a different world entirely.

No they can’t do anything like that, anything they do together ends in a fight, they’ve just had a fight on the school run embarrassing me in front of everyone

I’ve never had family help either. My parents died before I had children and my in laws live in a different country. My husband travels aboard for work so I’m doing it all including working. It’s bloody hard at times!

Could you afford to put them in a club/hobby together on a weekend day go and sit in a cafe with a book and coffee or have lunch out/watch a film?

Honestly there's nothing wrong with you, we love our kids but parenting and doing it alone fucking sucks a lot of the time, it's nonstop, constant crappy jobs with very few lovely moments to make up for it and they're never grateful ( why would they be? ) or have the capacity to think mum needs a rest, they just take and take.

Is there father involved?

No he has no contact

Do you at least claim CMS?

Yes £7 per week for all of them

I'm sorry OP, it is so hard. There is a world of difference between having any kind of help and having none. I think @DaisyChain505 ideas are good ones.

I will never ever understand a system where one parent is allowed to contribute virtually nothing to their child's upkeep and the other would be imprisoned for neglect if they walked away. The CMS system needs a complete overhaul. Sorry you are getting so little.

Thank you, yes it’s pathetic I don’t even notice it going into my account it makes zero difference