Finding Postpartum really hard

[ByPunnyAquaStork]

I wasn’t naive when it came to realizing that having a new baby would be hard but I didn’t realize just HOW hard it would be.

I had a pretty traumatic birth and postpartum healing has been extremely slow which doesn’t help.

I have an 8 week old and he is gorgeous but extremely fussy. He has reflux and we are having him investigated for CMPA as he screams near on every day for hours and is always seemingly in pain with his gut. When he’s like this he will not settle and there is no soothing technique that helps so I just have to hold him whilst he cries and it makes me feel like such a failure. I’m lucky because he sleeps well at night but is extremely fussy and upset during the day and barely sleeps.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed and the screaming has reduced me to tears many times and I’m not an overly emotional person so this has been quite the change. I have a supportive partner but I can’t seem to express that I understand that I’m so lucky to have time off work to care for our baby and I adore him but at the same time I long to go back to work just so I’m not just a mum all the time because I’m finding it so hard.

I feel awful because I would love to go back to work as I crave the routine and intellectual challenge. I love being a mum and my baby but the repetitiveness of it is really getting to me. I’m also that person whose career was a big part of their identity and it’s taken me 10 years to qualify and get where I am before I went on maternity leave so the switch has been jarring.

Basically I just wanted to see if anyone else found the switch up from working person to new mum this hard? I’ve always prided myself on stepping up to challenges and being able to adapt but it’s taking me so much longer and more of me than I ever thought.

Gosh it sounds like you are having a tricky time! It’s horrid to see your baby struggling, but then to add on your own healing and birth trauma, plus hormones, it makes sense that you’re finding things tough!
My first birth was also traumatic and my physical healing didn’t go smoothly. I really hated the newborn phase to be honest. But I’ve read countless comments on here of others saying similar things. Lots of people really struggle, so you are not at all alone.
It’s such a jump to go from having a career to suddenly looking after a baby. You’re still learning this new role of parent and you get no training.
I do remember wanting to return to work until my son got to about 6 months and then I couldn’t imagine leaving him. It took me by surprise. So just give yourself time. 8 weeks is super early and you’re still adjusting to this change in who you are.

I know you’ve probably been told it before, but I promise it does get easier.

DS1 was a bit like this. I did go back to work pt at four months and felt 100% better. I went back at five months with Ds2 two years later with childcare fees the equivalent of my salary for a long time. It did get easier but only when I outsourced some of it. I wasn’t prepared to count the months by.
Over twenty years on and never a single regret.

8 weeks is so little. You are really in the trenches and it will get better. Is he happy at all in a sling?

I think it is really hard, especially at around eight weeks because they come out of that very snoozy stage and become a bit more alert and very hard to get to nap.

Do you manage to get to any baby groups at all? I know not everyone likes them but they do break the day up and while I don’t think they are essential for a baby’s development or any such nonsense, I do think the babies enjoy them. Baby swimming is also good for tiring them out!

I can definitely relate to wanting the routine of work. First babies are so hard. You spend your pregnancy so excited and then you have them and a few weeks later it feels like a truck has gone through your life.

It might get better very soon, often from 11/12 weeks babies are more settled, and they also get more interesting each day. My advice would be to find new things to do and a routine….I religiously went to mum&baby classes Monday-Friday at 10am. It was almost like going to work, getting ready in the morning, then a structured activity followed by a coffee break with other mums I met in the classes. I think I’d have gone crazy without structure in my days.

It’s really tough. Especially if you had a tough birth and dont have an easy going chilled baby.

Some suggestions:
Try and meet up with friends / people You’re friendly with. Ideally long term ones, who’ve got older children and have a yawn type view on babies. One who’ll happily walk and chat while baby screams in the pram and catch you up on work news / their news are ideal.

Keep an active eye out for other people at baby groups with careers. Theyre often the slightly older ones. Talk to them. Ask them what they do / did pre mat leave, not how many weeks old their baby is.

Get a newspaper subscription on your phone.

Get out walking with the pram. Listen to a grown up podcast. Some brain ones. Some adult humour.

Prams that aren’t horizontal and slings are great for refluxy and screamy babies. Watch the along time if your pelvic floor is trashed. If it took a hammering, get yourself a specialist private physio appointment.