Frustration every morning getting ready for school

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Sorry
My 8 year old DS is driving me crazy in the morning. He has a list I made for his bedroom wall with the very simple tasks he needs to do like brush his teeth and get a water bottle yet every single day just as we’re about to leave there seems to be something he’s forgotten and inevitably makes us late. I keep asking every morning have you done this? Have you done that? And he says yes yes yes but then there’s always something and it ends up making me so cross that I feel angry, maybe even shout, and then feel awful all morning as we’ve started the day on such a bad foot. I think sometimes he lies intentionally so he can do what he wants, other times maybe it’s an oversight. But I feel like I’ve given him all the tools he needs to do the simple tasks required and I do have other younger kids so I can’t just keep on top of him for the whole time. Yes, there is definitely plenty of time for him to do what he needs to do. He’s usually messing on an iPad by the time we head out, having told me he’s all ready.
It’s now half an hour since I dropped him off and I feel really bad once again about how our day has started. I don’t know what I’m asking for. Advice? Confirmation this is normal? Techniques for handling my own emotions? I know he’s a kid, but I feel so fed up.
Parenting him at the moment feels so thankless. It seems he has plenty of things that he asks me to do, and asks me for, yet getting him to do anything like homework or non-screen based activities is so hard (yes screens are confiscated if his behaviour is poor or he hasn’t done his homework, but of course this triggers endless moaning). He’s in the stage of talking back and talking about stupid things like poo and 67. And constantly insulting his younger siblings. I’m struggling to find the pleasure in being with him at the moment.

You need a no screen in be morning policy. What are the consequences if he forgets something?

Agreed no screens in the morning.

And for some things, I think you need to accept you have to keep checking - has he brushed his teeth? I think many parents keep checking this older than 8.

But for others - does he have his water bottle - maybe you can drop the rope, natural consequences, there will be alternative ways for him to drink water at school and maybe it will help him remember next time.

But also, my kids are 7 and 5, and yes mornings are chaotic and it's like herding cats sometimes as they play instead of doing x, get distracted doing y, and I just accept it as part of being kids.

I have a 2 year old and 7 year old. Dh leaves for work between 5.15-5.45am, so pre school and nursery fun all falls to me. I don’t really have any advice as it’s chaos in the mornings for us too.
My 7 year old teases my youngest if I leave the room, he has adhd and just goes berserk every morning tbh.
Im not sure how in gods name I could get anything done (breakfasts, washing, my make up/change, beds, get them changed) without having some screens as a distraction! In theory, yes great. In reality, how do you get anything done as a lone parent if they don’t have Grizzly and the lemmings on for 15 minutes?!!!

It is your fault. Why do give him the iPad? No screens in the mornings.

Getting everyone out of the house for the school run is my least favourite part of the day, so I’m with you!

Mine are 4, 2 and 8m and husband often starts work early so I’m on my own. Everyone has to get washed/dressed/teeth brushed before going downstairs for porridge. Definitely no screens in the morning - we’d never get out if we introduced screens into the mix! I think that would be the easiest bit to change. I’ve also accepted that we all just need to get up a bit earlier than I’d like, because I hate being late and start to get stressed and am less pleasant when there is time pressure.

Make leaving time 5 minutes earlier to give a build in time for going back for what he's forgotten.
Also maybe make the list a laminated one so he can use a whiteboard pen to tick things so it's obvious what's missed (or you can velcro the back and make it so you move then left to right when complete)

I think 8 is still quite young to do everything by themselves, I know promoting independence is great, but it will come naturally. I cannot stand the morning get up and get to school process, I'm a night owl, and I'm trying to fight the temptation every day to just say screw it, let's all go back to bed! I do anything that can be done night before, the night before. Both boys (10 and 8) have a basket downstairs with every item of clothing they'll need, shoes too, but not coats. I brush their teeth and wash them, be it right or wrong, I know they've done it. They get dressed themselves, but I'll always help. I get them up 20 minutes earlier than needed and they lay on sofa and watch something underwhelming like peppa, or ben and holly, then they have a bridge between waking up and doing all the dull stuff. And they're drinks bottles are already done and on the side in the hall. Maybe I'm babying them? Honestly dont know, but soon the 10 year simply won't want me to help, and them he'll have to do it all himself, but I'm all for an easier morning for now!

I can understand, but its the enjoy of being a mother. There are good times and there are bad times. I think he needs someone to talk to, i think you will find pleasure in helping your son in life. As he grows older you will be the first thing on his christmas list. All the best.

Thank you for those of you who were kind in your answers. I was so unbelievably low yesterday and it has really helped to hear that other people face similar challenges.

Re screens, the idea is that if DS has done all he needs to do to be ready then he can go on his iPad whilst he waits for the rest of us. I’ll have to think if that habit serves us or not.

@Squidwitch im not a morning person either so that probably makes it harder!
@johnd2 yes i might craft something to this effect. Adds another layer of certainty to the action being done rather than just reading a list and possibly skipping items.
@Randomharry @partygarden yeh my husband is up and gone before the real Work starts too! Lucky bugger
@ILoveDuckDuckGo Merry Christmas you old grinch

Can I suggest taking screens away at bedtime and handing them over once everything is done if there is time before breakfast? Talk to them about it in advance before doing it. Also the obvious all bags and uniform done the night before, water could be filled night before all ready by the door.
Have digital clock in the bathroom and their bedroom so they see time ticking.
Give them motivation to get ready quickly and they can choose something like dinner on Friday or an activity on Saturday. If they really try dont break their heart still reward but obviously you have to see genuine effort.
I had to wake up earlier and get ready before them seeing me fully dressed made them feel a sense of urgency more.

Are there things he can do the night before, i.e. pack the water bottle in his bag, sort his sports gear etc. Also, get a routine in place. Have breakfast, immediately go and clean teeth, and get showered and dressed.

I think you're expecting a bit much of an 8yo. I ask mine to sort his own water bottle or his own snack at the weekends but school run is all about speed and getting all the right stuff to the right place at the right time!

Can you make changes to your morning routine? We've got a really set routine, my two know that the TV is only on till 7.30 and then it's straight into breakfast and getting ready. If there is time before leaving the house they can play in their bedrooms. Definitely no iPad time. I think the key is getting sorted - I've got bags, coats, lunches, sports kids, projects, keys ready by the door before we have breakfast so that's all ready to go. I get uniforms out the night before. I'm in the shower before everyone else gets up so I've got chance to get myself sorted. They both brush their teeth at the same time, I whack a 2 minute timer on and we're done. Yeah we still have days when I'm shouting "shoes, coats" 1 minute after we should have left but generally we all get to school in good moods!

I posted something similar not long ago as I was finding mornings difficult too with the same age dc.

I changed one thing that really helped us. It will be something else for you but just think about everything that dc needs to do and what is the one thing that he struggles with most often. In our case, going back upstairs to get dressed after breakfast was the issue. Now he goes to the bathroom as soon as he wakes up and then everything else incl getting dressed happens downstairs, and he eats breakfast after getting himself ready so it’s less stressful to watch him eat his toast with the speed of a sloth.

And I agree that at eight, you need to adjust your expectations and they often need more than a list on the bedroom wall.

Just no iPads and aim for a time to be ready that's actually 5/10 minutes earlier than you need.
If it runs late (and it still will) just try and be patient, make light of it and keep focused on getting ready without getting annoyed.
In the big scheme of things occasional lateness isn't terrible, but helping your kids learn to be independent and regulated is priceless.

Thank you all. Maybe I do expect too much. I have young kids that need so much more hands on stuff doing, plus I have to be ready for work, that it’s frustrating he can’t just get dressed without being nagged. But that’s just circumstantial I guess, because he’s the oldest. I need to remember he’s still a child himself.

What worked for us was having a little bit of screen time once they were ready.

If you’re struggling with water bottles and you’re a night owl, perhaps you could put all of the water bottles in the fridge the night before so they’re ready to grab? And I know it’s not ideal but if you’re getting tense in the morning and want to get dressed in peace can you get up a little earlier?

There’s really no need for screen time in the mornings and this is probably the drive behind him skipping his tasks etc so he can rush to his iPad.

Do as much as you can the night before. Have uniform out in a pile, have him pack his bag with anything he needs for the next day, books, homework etc.

Have packed lunch and water bottle ready in the fridge the night before too.

Get him up earlier in the morning if needs be and stick to the same schedule every day with what order things are done in that way it will become habit and things won’t get forgotten.