Newborn SOS

[JuniperandI]

Hello

FTM and I have an 11 day old and it takes 3 to 4 hours to get her to go to sleep at night. I swaddle her, make sure there is dim lighting, put on white noise and nurse her to sleep. I put her down and she wakes up and screams. Repeat the nursing to sleep and the same thing happens. For hours.

Is this normal? I'm so tired.

Congratulations on your little one.
This sounds completely normal to me. Neither of mine have wanted to sleep apart from me at such an early stage although we persevered with our first as you are.
If you feel comfortable with it have a look at bedsharing and the safe sleep 7 on the Lullaby Trust. There's a lot of good research into the benefits of bedsharing but most importantly at this time of night, it saved my sanity by allowing me some well needed rest!
Best of luck.

Completely normal, my lo was the same, hated being put in her moses basket, ended up co-sleeping in the end just to get some sleep, she still not a very good sleeper at nearly 2, she went to bed early tonight 6:45 because she refused her nap and woke at 11:30 thinking it was morning 🤦🏻‍♀️ probably still couple hours before we get back to bed, Im right there with you-so tired xx

I’d look into reflux maybe? All three of mine had it and they would wake up as soon as I tried to put them down.
The GP prescribes Gaviscon as a first step- which didn’t help us at all but caused me so much stress trying to get this into a breast fed baby..
Ranitidine was our saviour.
my youngest also had a milk allergy..
I hope you get some sleep soon xxx

Completely normal, had to switch to safe co -sleeping which is the only thing that worked but the do wake for feeds still.

Unfortunately, this is quite normal.

You can try putting her down drowsy but awake and then keeping your hands on her in the basket until she falls asleep. Patting and shushing usually helps.

You can also try keeping the sheet close to you/down your jumper for an hour before she goes to bed so the bed smells like you and is warm.

At this age, it's completely normal and completely exhausting. Unfortunately you need to reframe things a little, mentally, in order to be prepared a little because it can be relentless.

There isn't a "bedtime" at this age, just stages in the day when they are hungry, uncomfortable, tired and asleep. You need to manage each of these stages. But the fact you are trying to put an 11 day old to bed suggests you have unrealistic expectations - it's okay! Follow your baby rather than the rule book. "Bedtime" may come as early as 3 months but more like 6 months. I wish mothers were mentally prepared for this. "Asleep" usually means either physically suckling or in your arms, as you've found. Some babies are very tricky I had two which I don't think I physically put down for very long for well over 3 months each. You're doing great, sounds tacky but it goes faster than you might think. Who do you have to help you?

Thanks everyone. Co-sleeping worries me, teach me how 🙌

This only happens at night so I don't think it's reflux. She's happy in her moses basket during the day.

Agree with others, none of my 3 wanted to sleep anywhere but on my chest when little!! I did a lot of side feeding and then co sleeping (husband slept in spare bed and then helped during the day). She sounds like a normal baby x

i ended up taking the side off her cot bed and wedging it up against my bed, side feeding her and then sliding her back over to her bed, or if i did fall asleep while she was on breast i didn’t have to worry about her rolling off the bed, thankfully we have a superking so plenty of space in the middle of the bed too, i used to wedge a pillow under OH back just incase he tried to roll back in the night, he never did but it used to worry me, i spent most nights with no duvet on so bought some long sleeve/leg pjs for winter months xx

This. 100% this OP

very few 11day old babies are ready to sleep alone.

they still want to feel your heat, your heartbeat, your voice which they have been inside of for 9months.

probably took 9m for my 1st born to be comfortable outside the womb. He is now a great big strapping rugby playing teen who is bigger than me. And he sleeps alone now!!!

it does get better. I promise.

I also second the safe co sleeping and breastfeeding malarkey. Side feeding / sleeping saved my sanity. My HV gave me a copy of the unicef safe sleeping guidelines but I think the Lullaby Trust ones are the most up to date for UK families.

in the daytime I found the Hana baby wrap sling really helpful. Find a local sling library or meet up to try different ones. Means you can move around and get out n about and baby still thinks they are almost still inside you!!! My kids loved the sling.

I also found the local breastfeeding groups super handy for staying sane. By checking in with other mums about what is normal and what isn’t. Helped balance me a little when I was freaking out.

congratulations on your new baby and try to enjoy them whilst they are so little. I miss that stage in many ways.

I think this is normal too. Babies at this age are still quite nocturnal aren’t they? So likely to be awake and feeding in the night and more sleepy in the day. Is there any way you can get rest in the day when baby sleeps? X

Sounds tough OP but it definitely gets better. Where are you putting her down at night? My second would just not sleep in her next to me crib but would sleep soundly in her pram (approved for overnight sleep), we think because the next to me was far bigger and she was cosier in the pram. It worked wonders until she grew into the crib and it was less roomy.

I think it also helps to reframe a little. It helped me just to accept I was up and awake with her, rather than staying in our bedroom and willing her to sleep. I'd go to the living room, take a snack and put a box set on until she settled. Nights were just so much easier that way than when I'd be in bed in the dark and she'd be up and down.

Hang in there. The first few weeks are tough then before you know it, you'll get a good few hours sleep and things will start to improve.

Congratulations! Your little one is only 11 days old, they don’t know day from night yet and unfortunately won’t really respond to routine at this age.

She will go through several phases over the next few weeks where you think you’ve cracked it and all of a sudden there’s a growth spurt and she’ll be up all night wanting to feed, won’t settle etc. It’s very hard but all very normal.

We introduced a bedtime routine at around 12 weeks and we gradually settled into it from there.

This sounds very normal. What time are you trying to put her down? Mine would only ever sleep on us in the evening, I found they wouldn’t go down properly for their first stint in the next to me until as late as midnight sometimes, but fortunately it didn’t last long.

What time are you trying to put her down to sleep? At that age I kept mine downstairs with me until I went to bed and just fed them when they wanted it.

The smell of the crib might also be a bit strange to them. At 11 days lots of babies haven’t figured out that they are separate from you and yet we expect them to happily go to sleep on their own in a strange place. Have a read up on the Fourth Trimester.

One thing that might help is using a T-shirt that DH/DP has work as the sheet in the crib. If you’re BFing and use one that you’ve worn, there’s a chance it will smell of milk and wake them up again.

Also have a read of what to expect in the early weeks.

I found the book Babycalming incredibly helpful too.

And the information on safe sleep is here.

Congratulations on your new LO

I was in your shoes a few months ago, and whenever I read anything saying “it does get better/easier/etc.,” I’d think, “but I bet I’m the exception to that” because I was REALLY struggling beyond anything I’d imagined or prepared for. All I can say is that it does actually get better, easier, more enjoyable, less draining. Bit by bit and day by day. One thing that we couldn’t have survived without though is safe bed-sharing.

OP, I was the same as you. Before I gave birth I had never planned for or even given a second thought to bed-sharing. If I had, I think my sleep would have been much better protected from day one. Look at the “Safe Sleep 7” guidance via Lullaby Trust. It also helped me to step out of the expectations that contemporary western society steeps parenthood in such as a baby so young as 11 days even being put down in a separate sleeping space than their mummy. It did take me getting out of the newborn fog to really be able to think about that, but now I understand that OF COURSE my LO didn’t want to sleep anywhere other than what is the safest place in the - very fresh, very new - world to them, curled up right next to mummy.

Mum of 3 solid sleepers here - I would try and avoid nursing to sleep wherever possible. It often means you haven’t been able to thoroughly wind them before sleep.

Also when they wake up, they are wondering how on earth they got there and where their mum is.

I would nurse, thoroughly wind and put down groggy but awake wherever possible (not always possible with a newborn!).

Dim, warm lighting, not dark so they can still see mum in the room wondering around. I didn’t watch them go to sleep, i would get on with tasks in the bedroom like folding laundry/ getting pjs on etc.

No phones, no tv (blue light).

When about this age (against nhs advice so bear that in mind) I introduced a bottle with all of mine. This was with expressed milk. Dad gave it as a way to bond but mostly it was to ensure they got a good fill before bed.

My sister in law gave me the babywise book when I had my first. Some unfashionable views in there, so pick and choose what works. I did, however follow the wake feed play sleep windows suggested which really worked for me (rather than feeding to sleep).

I think that may be luck of the draw. BM contains melatonin and is designed to make babies go to sleep. The eat/play /sleep method isn’t evidence based though and you may have just been lucky.

DSIL had it recommended to her and totally believed she was doing the right thing. Drove herself half mad trying to keep baby awake after a feed and DN didn’t sleep though for 7 years.

It's totally normal op, at that age they unfortunately set the routine rather than you setting it and many babies work back to front and will be awake loads at night and sleeping during the day. It's tough but best you can do is get your partner if you have one or someone you trust to mind them for a couple of hours in the evening so you can sleep for a block before bedtime. My ex used to take our son from 6-8 immediately after a feed and then bring him up to me when he started being unable to settle him with hunger. I made a list of box sets or movies I wanted to watch on Netflix, got some Bluetooth headphones and watched loads of TV on my phone while nursing at night time on and off.

I had a next to me as I could never really sleep when co sleeping but The Happy CoSleeper on Instagram is fab for info on safe sleep positions etc. You can also talk to your health visitor and midwife about this as well. The key things are to be in a safe position where you can't roll and baby can't fall, keep blankets etc away from them and never do it when anyone in the bed has been drinking alcohol or if you're smokers.

I found everything worked easier when I just handed myself over to being responsive to what ds needed rather than trying to get him to suit me and he did just gradually fall into a good routine but it does take a good few months which is why it's important you have support.

To answer some of your questions -

1. I put her down in her moses basket when I want to go to bed, between 10pm-12am.

1. I have my DH who tries to help but I am of course the milkmaid so she prefers me. I've started expressing though to get her used to a bottle from him. Talking of milk, I forgot to put my breast pads back in last night, woke up to one half of my t-shirt soaked 😭

I think my main issue is expecting her to do what I want, rather than doing what she wants. My DH has a slightly different sleep routine to me and he's awake for longer at night, so tonight I'll stay up with him with baby rather than sitting alone in the dark in bed. Joining a breastfeeding group sounds like a really good idea too.

Thank you all, you made me feel a bit less unhinged in the wee hours! I'm going for a nap now 😴

At 11 days, babies do not have a routine and a bedtime. You're trying to force something and it's fruitless. Lots of sunlight in the day, go outside first thing and also late afternoon to teach her day and night but other than that you go with the flow.

Also, hold her for sleep lots.

And enjoy the late bedtimes! This is the time to go to nice dinners, see friends, as baby doesn't go to bed early yet. We had some exceptional nights out in the newborn days! Yes, we got zero sleep at night but you can catch up in the day.

Once they get to 3-6 months and need a 7/8pm bedtime, you are stuck in the house every evening for years!!

This is normal. My first child was like this so I co-slept with her. Got to the Lullaby Trust for how to co-sleep as safely as possible. My second child just fell asleep in her crib on her own - we did nothing different with them.