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Parenting

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Dad feeling sad

11 replies

Ag00se · 08/12/2025 12:53

TLDR: 8 week old son loved daddy more than anyone but now won't settle for him. Concerned about rebuilding/maintaining attachment.

Since my DS was born 8 weeks ago, my DH has pretty much been his favourite person. Over the last few days, however, he just won't settle with him and constantly screams during the evenings. DS has always been an evening cluster feeder but I used to be able to get a shower and put my pyjamas on but things seem to be going in the wrong direction.
My DH is very upset about this and is worried now he's back at work, DS will continue to lose his bond and attachment with him.
I feel like it's probably just a phase but that's easy to say when you're not on the receiving end of it.
DH works locally so spends his hour break at home and usually holds DS/plays with him/takes over care needs while I get dressed and do a few jobs. He finishes work mid afternoon and so again he takes over for a time and then we spend the evening with my parents too when they get home from work (multi generation living) as a family. At this point, DH is reluctant to take DS or be left alone with him because the screaming isn't pleasant for either of them.
DS is EBF and DH works strange shifts so we all go up to bed around 9pm, DH reads a story while I feed DS, then DH sleeps in the spare room and I take over for the night shift.
Other than introducing a bottle of expressed milk in the evenings, are there any other positive steps we can take to stop this getting worse? DH is taking shared parental leave starting when DS is 5 months old, so he's worrying about that already too! I hate seeing both DH and DS so upset but I don't want to keep taking over to settle him as I feel that won't help.

OP posts:
tumbletoast · 08/12/2025 12:58

I ask kindly, but I am assuming this is your first?

Based on what you've said I think you're both blowing this out of proportion. Maybe a combination of extremely high expectations and sleep deprivation making things feel worse than they are.

OopOop · 08/12/2025 13:01

You’re all massively blowing this out of proportion. He’s 8 weeks old, he isn’t losing any bond. He wants to be near to you because you’ve got the milk. It’s biological.
You don’t need to introduce a bottle of expressed milk if you don’t actually want to. You all just need to ride it out.

Justlostmybagel · 08/12/2025 13:03

You should both chill a bit. You don't need to do anything extra. Babies go through phases and he'll come back around to Daddy soon.

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MeganM3 · 08/12/2025 13:07

At 8 weeks everything is new, everything changes and will change constantly and by the day / hour. Everything you think you know goes out the window.

Natural and normal for baby to want to be with mum as a tiny baby. He lived inside you and you’re in the 4th trimester. Dad can do what he can but ultimately baby wants and needs you, naturally. Dad’s time will come & in the meantime he should be supportive and not adding any additional stress or worry for you at this vulnerable time.

AmyDuPlantier · 08/12/2025 13:08

This will happen periodically for years. Totally normal.
Just keep dividing up the parenting and continue on till it all changed again.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2025 13:08

Its absolutely just a phase, plus you got the milk, have a read up on sleep regression, there is one around 8 weeks. You just have to ride this out, your husband can try a carrier for when you need a shower baby might settle better like that.

Ag00se · 08/12/2025 13:31

tumbletoast · 08/12/2025 12:58

I ask kindly, but I am assuming this is your first?

Based on what you've said I think you're both blowing this out of proportion. Maybe a combination of extremely high expectations and sleep deprivation making things feel worse than they are.

Yes this is our first, and we are both anxious about doing things "right", which is funny because before he was born we were both really chilled out people. I think the sleep deprivation is making us lose ourselves!

OP posts:
Ag00se · 08/12/2025 13:34

Thanks everyone, weird as it might sound I feel so relieved for you all to say basically we need to chill out about this! It's so easy to spiral in this sleep deprived newborn bubble, especially because we've never done this before and our friends either are childless or have older kids (10+) and can't remember.

OP posts:
Ag00se · 08/12/2025 14:14

LivingDeadGirlUK · 08/12/2025 13:08

Its absolutely just a phase, plus you got the milk, have a read up on sleep regression, there is one around 8 weeks. You just have to ride this out, your husband can try a carrier for when you need a shower baby might settle better like that.

@LivingDeadGirlUK I think we may have entered sleep regression territory last week... We had a lovely long four hour stretch and I thought we were onto a winner, but that was followed by several days/nights with 10-15 minute catnaps only, like he couldn't go into a deep sleep even when he was being held. I don't want to jinx it, but we are heading back towards over an hour between wake ups now so hopefully over the worst for now!

OP posts:
tumbletoast · 08/12/2025 17:23

Ag00se · 08/12/2025 13:34

Thanks everyone, weird as it might sound I feel so relieved for you all to say basically we need to chill out about this! It's so easy to spiral in this sleep deprived newborn bubble, especially because we've never done this before and our friends either are childless or have older kids (10+) and can't remember.

It's totally understandable. We all need a reality check sometimes! You are never going to be able to get everything "right" so try not to put that pressure on yourselves.

Thundertoast · 08/12/2025 17:26

I dont want to sound patronising, but would it be helpful for him to Google 'is it normal for a baby to not settle with one parent' and similar so he can see just how normal it is!

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