10 month that has never slept through

[ThisWiseUser]

First time parent here...

Currently co-sleeping with our 10 month old as he has always refused to do more than 30 mins in his cot for both naps or night-time. He wakes 4+ times a night and my wife and I have tried all the sleep advice to try and improve this but nothing is working.

We have been battling back to back colds recently, along with his top teeth coming through as we speak and we are just at our wits end so about to go with a sleep consultant to try and assist.

Please tell me it gets better and if we just need to give in and go with the flow to save our sanity?

We have been battling back to back colds recently, along with his top teeth coming through as we speak

These are both really tough! So give yourselves some grace.

What does "go with the flow" look like and why do you need permission to do it?

At 10 months i was cosleeping with DC and he was fed to sleep waking 3-4 times a night. At 11 months we removed the feed to sleep and by 12 months he was more or less sleeping through. Now nearly 2 and for a period of illness we have gone back to cosleeping for a while.

When you say "all the sleep advice" - what have you tried already?

I’ve been in your position and it’s crap. Definitely go with the flow, co-sleeping saved our sanity (and still does with a 2.5 year old). Ignore any chat from people whose baby sleeps through, it’s just not helpful, they’re not doing anything different to you. We mooted getting a sleep consultant but found that despite a lot of them saying they were “gentle” it was either sleep training, or co-sleeping. Save the money and continue to co-sleep

I guess go with the flow is napping where and how he needs (in the pram, carrier or contact napping)

How did removing the feeding to sleep work with you? Our little one has gone off his food (potentially due to teething) so not sure how realistic this is currently.

We have tried all the gentle methods - He goes into the cot okay but like clockwork he is up after 30 minutes and has never been good at linking sleep cycles on his own, the only thing that does it is movement or cuddling him back to sleep

Mine is 16 months and still not sleeping through - however my 4 year old does and has for years, so I do know this one will eventually! I'm sorry, I had a crap napper first time round and it drove my crazy. I found once both mind had gotten used to one big nap around lunchtime (maybe around 12 months ish), it made everything more bearable xx

I think you need to adjust your expectations. He may not sleep through for a few years yet.

I would just go with the flow, but depends on what works for you. I think it’s quite unusual to have a 10 month old who regularly sleeps through (unless there has been significant neglect along the way). Most 10 month olds still wake at night for a feed, and even mine who was ff only just dropped the night feed at 10 months (still woke at night though, just didn’t want a feed).

Who are you comparing yourself to? Is it social media? Friends who probably aren’t being totally truthful? Because neither of mine slept through more than the odd night in their own room before 3.

They definitely woke probably 1-2 times a night and we co-slept at least part of most nights until they were happy to sleep in their own rooms. My youngest co-slept part of the night 1-3 nights a week until he was probably 5/6. That’s totally normal.

I wouldn’t be wasting money on a sleep consultant. Because I don’t think it’s easy to change what is just a developmental stage. At 2 or 3 if waking 3-4 times a night, maybe?

Whoever needed sleep more slept separately on the rough nights, if there was, say, a big meeting the next day.

Thank you - did you do anything differently to make co-sleeping easier?

Sounds pretty normal I’m afraid. Neither of mine slept through until 2 (apart from a couple of odd times) and this is statistically typical. Needing support to get to sleep and stay asleep is also very normal. The babies that will just lie down and go to sleep by themselves are the rare ones. Lots going on developmentally at 10 months too (and the whole first year) I’d try and go with the flow and do what you need to to get the most sleep.

I was at a cafe yesterday and there was a couple with a 4/5 year old boy. The boy was running around and waiter said "at least he will sleep well tonight". Dad said "no, my son never sleeps, he never has". DH and I smiled at each other, we get what that guy is feeling.

The reality is that many parents don't sleep for years. It does get better, he will sleep more as he gets older but it won't be 12 hours/night, 7 days a week.

My 16 month old doesn't sleep through the night but I lie and say that he does because after 12 months, no one has any sympathy anymore and all we get is sleep training advice. Other than my parents, everyone thinks we have a boy that sleeps 😂

Honestly go with the flow to save your sanity. We tried everything with our eldest and at 2 years old I was in tears nightly as I thought I was doing something wrong as everyone else had a baby that slept through. A sleep consultant told us nothing more than we had already tried.

I then started to go with he flow. Co-sleep where needed. I went to bed when DS did, dealt with the night waking in the week. DH would switch out with me at weekends. Somewhere between 4-5 years he started to sleep through. After he started school it became consistent. He's 8 now and dead to the world when he sleep - although he is still low sleep needs in terms of length of sleep he needs.
With our youngest, I went with the flow from birth. She slept through quicker, went to sleep easier and generally sleep was just easier when she was younger. I 100% wish I had gone with the flow quicker with my eldest.

A sleep consultant is a good idea. They can hopefully help you with some gentle sleep training that will help him to link his sleep cycles.

One of my (now adult) DC wasn’t sleeping well at that age. Unfortunately, I caught a really bad bout of flu and just couldn’t get up one night so DC was left to cry for a few hours. They slept through the night after that, but I really don’t recommend using that method!

DS was the same, we co slept. I didn't want to sleep train, gently or otherwise, so we just rolled with it. I can't remember when he started sleeping better, he's now 3 and sleeps through the night unless he's ill. You'll get there!

We're 8 months in and have never had more than the occasional 4h block. We mostly go with the flow, but it's getting to be a problem in the evening because I need to work. We're trying to train him to at least go to sleep in the cot in the evening. We cosleep the rest of the time and he contact or pram naps. He sleeps well at nursery, so I know he can do it!

We got a double floor bed when she was about one and a half, but could have done it sooner. We either roll away from her or one of us will spend most of the night in her bed but get a proper sleep

DS1 slept through (fairly reliably) from 9 months, I thought that was pretty good. DS2 slept through the month he turned 3 years. Just different people. Sometimes they sleep, sometimes they don't 🤷‍♀️

My youngest didn’t sleep through the night until they were 4, we co slept as I didn’t have to keep getting up in the night and trying to settle them. And it was much faster getting them back to sleep as I wasn’t leaving the room again

Yes to big floor bed. We had an 8ft wide bed amalgamation for a year when we had two in and out of the bed.

One of my 4 didn't sleep through for years maybe to about 7-8
With mine I had a cot mattress on the floor next to our bed they just came in and went straight to sleep. We did whatever we could to get some sleep they always grow out of it eventually. I went with the flow with naps too. didn't have set nap times for any of them.