2 under 2….. help

[Justchill8465]

I’ve just found out that I am pregnant with my second. First DC is only 10 months so there will be roughly 18 months apart. Im spiralling and wondering how on earth we will cope with 2 under 2! Please can you let me know your experiences?

I’ve not had 2 so close but actually would like to have had. Whatever age gap you have with your DC I think there are positives along with a few negatives.

So for instance you should have your nights disturbed for a far shorter period than if you had a larger age gap.

The DC should also be into similar things growing up.

My DF has 2 DD with a smaller age gap of 13 months and her DDs are incredibly close, both throughout their childhood and now as adults.

I think too that what you’re experiencing is fairly normal once you discover that you are PG with another DC. So far you’ve been in a bit of a bubble with DC1 and you know that the situation is going is going to change, it would probably be a bit weird if you didn’t think at least once “what have I done?”.

Honestly, it was as easy as it could be and I love our close age gap (17 months). The eldest forgot a time before and naturally adjusted. There was no jealousy as it was just normal for them.

They liked the same shows, toys, outings...even now at 7/8 it's easy to collectively entertain them.

Don't get me wrong it was hard at times but once I managed to get our nap schedule sorted we all slept in the day and that helped 😅 there were no school runs or schedules to keep to. If we had a bad night we could hunker down, we did what we pleased when we pleased.

I'll say in our situation my dc1 is autistic with development delays so actually they spent longer in the 'younger years' than my youngest. They actually toilet trained at the same time which was much easier. Development wise they were twins for a long time, being at the same development levels but different in size.

I actually made the deal with Dh that if I wasn't pregnant by the time dc2 was 18 months we were done with adding children.

Personally I love the close age gap, I find it much easier than friends I know who have larger age gaps.

Also, congratulations!

Congratulations 🙌 we had a 14 month gap between our middle 2. It was my favourite age gap.

Get 2 cots as a double pushchair and immerse yourself in “babyhood”.

My age gap is 16 months. I was very shocked when I found out as I conceived DC2 first time of trying, and we'd only started trying because conceiving DC1 took nearly a year and we didn't want a large gap.

It was busy of course, but fine. No jealousy as DC1 couldn't remember a time DC2 wasn't there. OK, sleep was in short supply for a bit, but we got through it. It can't have been too awful because we had DC3, but with a 2.5 year age gap this time.

They are all grown up now and still very close. I really enjoyed having them close in age.

I think it is far easier to have them close together. Mine are 2y apart and by far the hardest time was when dd1 was 3yo and charging around and dd2 just couldn't keep up. Definitely a double pushchair, get them napping at the same time and embrace watching loads of TV for the first few months!

It'll be really hard for a bit, but then great. They'll be close enough in age to share interests, really play together and enjoy the same activities.

My advice would be:

Get into a good routine with your first one now. Do some gentle sleep training if you need to so you have at least one good sleeper. Get DH to do bedtime as much as possible so this doesn't come as a shock when the baby is born. If you're thinking of using some childcare (a good idea if you can) do this six months before the baby is born so DC1 can really properly settle and will be happy to carry on going once the baby comes.

Make your life as easy as possible. Cut corners where you can. Get a cleaner if you can. Batch cook. Have a collection of really quick, easy meals. Get a really good double buggy. Declutter your house. Have things organised so they're easy to grab (nappies and wipes in every room for example).

Enjoy your DC!

Mine are 19 months apart, and I did find it exhausting in the early days as I didn’t get much sleep and it was very full on, but they have the best bond and now they are 6 and 7 they are an absolute
joy, they spend their days entertaining each other and playing together in their own little
world, they enjoy the same days out
etc so holidays are easy, we can do crafting and baking at home together and life is honestly easier than I ever imagined it could be with two children. I feel like the hard work in the early days is so worth it. I have a girl and a boy and did worry that might mean they wouldn’t be close, but they get on so well and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.

Congratulations! I have 14 months between my two. Found the first 6 months or so very hard where baby would only nap on me and I couldn't play with the eldest, I do remember struggling a lot at those times, mostly with the guilt. But the older they got the easier it became. They are 2 and 3 now and as thick as thieves 😂 I wouldn't change it for anything. They like the same things, play with each other, yes they have fallouts but they are ultimately best friends 🧡

My son and his gf will have just under 12 months between their first and second. I imagine it’ll be hard work but at least they’ve got all the baby bits 😀

congratulations on your pregnancy, OP.

I had that age gap with mine. The first thing that hit me was that i was bf #1 while pregnant, so i had to make sure to keep up with fluids, and vitamins etc. The other thing was that i had to take #1 with me when i went for checkups as DH was working all hours to keep us afloat. Make sure that at your OB/GYN you can do that and if they will have somewhere / someone who can take care of your #1 while you are getting scans etc.

Eventually i got too big to carry #1 who was very lazy and didn't want to walk, so i had to buy shoes to make her get on with it. It was all fine.

When #2 arrived i realised that it wasn't necessary to carry so much stuff around all the time when out and about. (and you forget quickly how tiny new babies nappies are). You need to accept that you are going to be overwhelmed and knackered a lot, and not try to do too much and maybe let a few things slide.

I did concentrate very hard on making sure that i gave #1 a lot of attention to try to nip any potential jealousy in the bud.

20 odd years later - they are very very close and while they do have their moments, it is lovely to see how well they get on.

I have a gap of 5 years and then a gap of 16 months.
I wont lie it was exhausting. But also some of the happiest days of my life.
We had no money, dh was working round the clock setting up our business and I had zero family support. I was terrified about how I would, we would, cope.

But we did. Im quite a get on with kind of person and always try to remind myself of how lucky I am. And I really worked on that back them.
Because I was. 3 gorgeous children who were healthy and such a good husband. It was chaotic at times but gosh the days where we camped out at home and all I had to do was take care of them in our little house, I loved those days. I walked miles with a double buggy. Miles.
The games they would play when they got a bit bigger, gosh they had such fun. The imagination with the dolly's and the babies and everything. 3 girls so that helped they had the same Interest.
Have you a supportive partner because that makes all the difference. I was a sahm and of course that made it a bit easier. In some ways. In others it was hard, money was tight, but I didnt need much either. I didn't bloody go anywhere that cost much lol.
Time did pass though. The babies are 21 and 23 now. Bridesmaids for their big sis this last year. Thick as thieves they are. They mangle each other but woe betide anyone who tries to cross any of them.
The days are long but oh my the years are short.
Congratulations. Remember to take time to savour them too. Its tough but do able.

I know it is difficult, but you will be fine. I had 5 under 5. They grew up together and there was always someone their age to play with!

I have a big gap and really I actually think the way you are doing it is easier. You won't be stretching the hard bit over almost a decade like we are; just getting it done all at once. Our oldest is easy now but we can't enjoy it as our youngest is still so much work!

Well OP a little over 2 years ago I was in the EXACT same boat as you. I found out I was pregnant when my DC1 was 10months, went on to have DC2 18 months later.

they are 4 & 2.5 currently - I’m not going to say it’s plain sailing (but no age gap is). They do have the most lovey bond and keep each other busy most of the time. Of course they fight and argue like all siblings but I honestly love the age gap between them. Nice knowing they will always have each other and due to being similar age a lot of things even when older they will almost likely experience them together.

congratulations x

It isnt that bad, but it depends on how well they sleep at night and how fussy they are. Me and my brothers didnt give my mother much problems when we were born. My older brother is one year older than me. Well i did give my mother problems but this was in the very beginning.

I had two under two and then a third. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Your whole life is centred around a baby already, another one just fits in. You’re used to broken nights, nappies, mess, toys, it’s really ok when a second baby arrives. When my third went to school, I breathed a sigh of relief and happily put the baby years behind me. I think that’s easier than having a bigger age gap.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. 💐

My db was only one year younger than me. He was my best friend!

Just wanted to add that me and my DSis have a much larger gap, 5.5 years and it was so difficult growing up. Neither of you are really interested in what the other wants to do and go to the same places. It’s only as adults that we’ve become close.

If you don’t mind, could you explain which gap you preferred? The 16 month or 2.5 yr?

Wow - you must be Supermum!

Thank you all so much for your responses. I was so shocked as DC1 took 6 years of trying and ultimately IVF to conceive. I know you are extra fertile after a baby and have heard the stories of people conceiving naturally after IVF but never thought it would happen to me. Slowly getting my head around 2 under 2!

mine were 12 months apart, you will be fine

Oh god honestly it was so so so hard ... Until they turned 2 and 3. Then it became so so so easy.

It will honestly be so worth it in the end and they will have a very special and undescribable bond.

That being said, you may just be a complete zombie for two years.

@Ghht you asked which gap I preferred... difficult question. Probably the 16 month one as they were two babies together. Having a newborn with a 2.5 year old and an almost 4 year old was very full on.