Does this screentime sound okay?

[toodledo]

Hi, I know there have been a few posts about this recently, but I’d really appreciate some perspective.

My three-year-old is in full-time childcare (2 days with a childminder, 1 with grandparents and 2 at preschool). He absolutely loves all of these settings and does lots of lovely, stimulating things.. playgroups, arts and crafts, biking with grandparents who adore him, playing with friends etc. His language is very advanced (he holds full back-and-forth conversations all day).

My concern is screen time. During the week he might have around 20 minutes in the morning (sometimes none) and about an hour in the evenings. At weekends it does creep up – maybe around 3–4 hours across the whole day, usually broken up into smaller chunks (half an hour here, half an hour there). He’s an only child and we live in a small home, so although we do plenty of other activities (drawing, toys, dancing etc), the screen time still adds up.

He also doesn’t play independently for too long (I think this is quite common) and wants constant interaction, which we love, but it’s also exhausting. We both work full-time and by the weekend we really need a bit of downtime too.

For context, weekends are still very active – playdates most weekends, swimming lessons, playground, soft play, the weekly food shop, mooching around the shops, sometimes a little drive. It’s definitely not wall-to-wall screens, but I still feel guilty.

I’m also quite selective with what he watches: Jojo & Gran Gran, Little Bear, Simon Super Rabbit, Paddington Bear and sometimes Blippi.

So my question is: should I be trying to reduce screen time, or does this sound pretty normal? I sometimes read threads where it feels like everyone else’s children live completely screen-free lives and it just makes me feel worse!

I'm definitely not a screen free parent but I think this sounds like a lot for a 3 year old, especially when he is in full time childcare so his time with you is quite limited.

Can you not take it in turns a bit at the weekend so that you get downtime?

I would also say as the parent of older children that I regret going so quickly to screens to get some down time, I think kids don't learn to entertain themselves that way

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends no more than one hour a day for children aged two to four.

The NHS recommends limiting screen time for children, suggesting no more than 2 hours daily for older kids, with specific advice for younger ones (avoid for under 18 months, 1 hour for 2-5 years).

So while an hour and 20 is probably ok he’s getting 3-4x the amount recommended on weekends.

Hmmm okay, at the same time though, when his idea of playing is very active such as many rounds of hide and seek and racing his toys, which we absolutely do for a while, is it not reasonable that we all get a bit of a break?

It's not that we don't do other quiet activities like reading and stickers, it's just that he gets bored of those things sometimes...

As far as I've looked into btw the WHO recommendation is around concerns about not getting enough physical exercise and language delay - that sort of thing - which I have zero concern about.

Oh and while it's winter it's even more difficult - we are in a tiny village with no street lighting so playground is a total no go...

Of course you should get a bit of a break. I really do sympathise with being tired and not fancying active playing.

But with just one child especially, I don't think screens are the only way to achieve this.

When we had just one child, what we did was book him into classes first thing Saturday and Sunday and take it in turns to take him - so Saturday morning was my time off, 2 hours or so by the time DH had got him off to the class and back, Sunday morning was DH's time off.

And then we also did an hour or so of screens because I honestly am not a puritan about that

But 3-4 hours is a lot. Sorry. But you asked

The way to get a break is you and DH alternate afternoons or morning to take him out. With our DS, I am in charge of Saturday morning, DH is in charge of Sunday afternoon (we like to go out all together on a Sunday morning). So we both have a guaranteed 3-4 hour time slot of 100% personal time. It's important you don't do chores in this time. Have a cuppa, exercise, watch a film.

I suggested this to a mum friend recently and I was shocked others don't do this tbh.

I would say that actually the main issue is lack of independent play and boredom.

We are not screen free, but I would say we have maximum one hour of TV a day when i'm cooking dinner ( or doing some other time critical job).

When I push through that moment of frustration of them wanting attention and me wanting a peaceful five minutes - eventually calm descends and they're off playing. Usually takes about 20 minutes of gritting my teeth and then I get a really long stretch of independent play from them.

Their best play time is in the morning and as a result I don't let them have any TV at all before 12.

Sorry all this to say, you don't need to be take turns so one of you gets a break when you work on independent play as a priority.

OP, you do what's best for you. We were the same. Both working full time and by the weekend, those chunks of TV time were the only time we could have adult conversations with a hot cuppa! 😊

I think that is quite a lot when it’s just short episodes of stuff and honestly any amount of Blippi is too much. If it were an hour in the morning because he woke up early and you needed to keep him occupied whilst you ready get and then watching a film together in the evening as a family that would be ok IMO.

3 to 4 hours is just way too much screen time in a day unless a child is ill or there is some kind of family emergency.

I would say the 1 hour and 20 mins on a week day is too much and can’t leave you much time to interact with him.

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I agree that’s too much at weekends.
Focusing on independent play is more effort but better for you all in the long run

The solution isn’t more telly. The solution is to tell him to go and play on his own because you have things to do/want to sit down and have a cup of tea.

You don’t need to play with him every second of the day. It’s detrimental to his development. He needs to learn to entertain himself. If you keep using telly then he’ll never learn to be bored and occupy himself.

It’s a little too much I think.

No screens in the morning for sure.

30 mins while cooking dinner is fine.

3-4 hours weekend days too much. I’ve been guilty of this too. We solved this by removing streaming services and now we only have DVDs. A kids movie is about 70 mins, and once it’s finished, that’s screentime done for the afternoon.

I have 3 young DC (7, 3, and 18 months) and I’ve learned to accept a certain amount of chaos while I get my chores done. I try and save the screens for times when I actually need to do something for work or have a nap!

3-4 hours in a day is way too much. We’re fairly relaxed around screen time but my DCs have half that at weekends and don’t have 1.5 hours on weekdays. To get a break you alternate taking DC out of the house.

I’m one of those annoying people with a screen-free nearly nine year old, so feel free to ignore what I say. I don’t think you will see much of a difference in a two year old. It’s the focus and calmness when they start school and learn to read that is different for children whose parents limit screens. IME it’s also easier for you once they are 4 or 5 and can regulate and entertain themselves. You say your child plays in a very active way, but I don’t think you‘ll find a two year old that doesn’t. Other people are making different choices not because they have children that are low energy, but because they make different choices. (Talking about NT children only here.)

I think many 3 year olds really aren't that capable of playing independently. Which is fine. I think though - and I say this from personal experience - if you get into the habit of always switching on a screen every time you aren't actively playing, they never do learn. And by 4/5 they do become capable of it but won't if they know they can have TV instead

I also think - if he is going to bed at 7/8 like most 3 year olds, an hour after nursery is a lot and can't leave much quality time with you

We used the upstairs of our house a lot and would give each other a break by taking our little ones upstairs and building a massive train track from one room to another and other games too, this worked really well.

3-4 hours is ridiculous. You know that you just want people to make you feel better about it. He’s already out all day 5 days a week, there are two adults, one child and a weekend is two days. He won’t get better at entertaining himself if you stick him in front of the tv when he gets bored.

Yes, that is too much screen time on the weekends.

It is so hard managing work and kids, but the suggestion above about you and your partner alternating time the spent with your child is key. You also haven't seen them for much of the week and a child's natural instinct will be to want to spend that time with you.

I am a single parent and have to teach my toddler to play so they are interested in their toys, or give them little jobs to do whilst I do housework or I just chat to them whilst I do things. We have less than an hour of screen time every day, often none, and that is reserved for when I absolutely have to do something important and need to occupy them.

The impact of screens on brain development is unbelievable.

Simon Super Rabbit & Blippi ???,

Not the point of the thread but Simon is a whiney little shit of the highest order.
I eventually told my dd he had move to Spain so we cant see him anymore!!! As I couldnt take another single. episode.

Blippi is also banned / a swear word in our house.

On your actual question. You have one child and 2 adults.. swap out for an hour....you dont need this much tv.
1-2hrs at the weekend is fine imo. If its story based.
If you want something for downtime in the afternoon now the nap is dropped look at Longform. A Disney movie with a plot you can watch together and discuss or Julia Donaldson stuff on cbeebies.

It’s really easy to feel guilty when you see posts where it seems like everyone else’s kids are screen-free but many families use screens in a balanced way, especially when both parents are working and weekends are packed.

Your little one is already getting loads of stimulation from grandparents, childminder, preschool, activities, conversations, outings and that’s a rich environment. Weekend screen time creeping up happens to almost all of us. Three-year-olds aren’t great at independent play yet, so wanting constant interaction is totally age-appropriate, and it is exhausting. Sometimes a bit of TV genuinely helps everyone catch their breath.

If you ever want to dial it back a little, tiny tweaks can help without making big changes:
• Rotate toys so things feel new
• Give small helper tasks (kids love feeling important)
• Agree on one show rather than open-ended watching

Also, screen time is inevitible which is why we’ve been working on a children's wellbeing app called Coggi that teaches emotional skills through tiny, screen-light activities. Mentioning this in case it helps on those days when you want something calm and purposeful for your child to do.

Frankly my kids have always watched a bit too much TV. We don’t have tablets however and never have (oldest is 6). And we don’t allow programmes like Cocomelon or Bing - we try to stick to things with real life humans/animals (Waffle, Go Wild, Andy).

The fact is we live in a depressingly rainy country with long dark winters and up until age 4, very few children will settle to a self directed activity for any longer than 5 or 10 minutes. Constant 24/7 engagement just isn’t possible if you also need to shower, cook meals, make phone calls, do housework etc. I like my children to eat healthily rather than shoving beige rubbish in the freezer, so out of necessity they will watch TV usually while I prepare dinner.

Alongside their ‘too much TV’, my kids spend at least 2 hours outside a day (whether that’s park, local farm, garden in better weather, woods etc), a couple of hours doing reading or crafts or jigsaws with me, probably an hour where I’ve ordered them to play together (and after some grumbles they sometimes do this), as well as family meals at the table and whatever else we do that day (swimming, family visits, shopping). So tbh I’m not going to get worked up about 2 or 3 hours of TV spread over a Saturday or Sunday when the other 10 hours are spent doing other stuff.

Neither of them have any speech, social or emotional concerns so I’ll carry on as I am.

3 hours is ridiculous after school/nursery but can you really not see how it isn’t LOADS at the weekend? My kids all went through a stage of being awake from 5am, 4 hours (especially when bone tired) is a loooong time to fill ‘pottering and playing’ especially when you have to get showered, make breakfast etc. Then there’s the 9 or 10 hours to fill before bed.

If a kid watches TV for 2 hours on a Saturday then the other 10 or 11 hours they’re spending not watching TV, I hardly think it’s the end of the world.