Overwhelmed, depressed, disorganised

[Howdoidothishuh]

Just struggling to get through day to day tbh. Two kids, 3 and 8, partner, I had a breakdown after my parent died and finding daily life really hard since then for the last year or so. Just wish I wasn't here. Kids go to bed quite late, 8/9ish, can't seem to get it earlier, worry about them being overtired especially the youngest. House is messy and chaotic - got some helpful advice on this recently and trying to implement but feels like fighting the tide. Wonder if anyone else has felt similar and turned it around.

No advice but sympathy OP. Kids, and their mess, are really really tough.
I wouldn't worry about their bedtime - an 8pm bedtime is fine: see if you can keep it at that? As long as they're not up on devices all night, don't worry.

My house is messy and chaotic - what was the advice you were given?

Thank you. They don't have devices so that's not a worry. Advice was to get a dehumidifier, declutter, do a bit at a time! I get really frozen and overwhelmed and so nothing. It's embarrassing. I am recently on ADs and having therapy.

If it’s only around year since your parent died and it’s coming up to Christmas then it’s normal to be struggling. Have you spoke to your GP about how you’re feeling?

I’m been through this but I’m a sahm so feel like I couldn’t talk about how difficult life was unless to other SAHM. Do you work? What hours?

I wouldn’t worry about bed time. But what does it look like? Is your partner pulling their weight for bedtime and keeping on top of the house?

Where is the choas? This time of year has more pressure for things to do.

Great advice. Do you have a dehumifier yet? If not give DH the task to buy one in the next couple of days.

I’m so sorry op. Be kind to yourself. I have no advice as everyone’s different and what works for me might not for you. But I get really stressed if the house is cluttered and messy. Could you focus on one room? Blitz it with a time limit (ie set a timer and aim to not stop for 1 hour). And the other thing that really helps is if I get outside in fresh air. A country park. A wood. Or a beach. Try 30mins a day to try lift your mood. And thirdly my phone and scrolling sets me even lower. Not saying you are scrolling but try limit phone interactions if you’re feeling low. Sending hugs and hope you are ok. Please speak to someone in real life if you can. You say you wish you weren’t here…. Please don’t feel like this. The world is a better place with you in it. Your children adore you. Please please seek more help if you feel like this.

I think the chaos is partly in my brain (constantly anxious that something else terrible is about to happen) and partly build up of tasks, cleaning and clutter around me which then makes it harder to calm down. I am getting help but nothing is really working yet.

Partner helps with bath time but bed tends to be on me, youngest wants me to lie with them til sleep and I feel I need to give that as I feel so rubbish about what I'm managing the rest of the time. My self esteem is on the floor really. I've lost a few friends in the aftermath of this grief and I have lost my sense of myself really.

I definitely am spending too much time on my phone and not enough outside. I need to get into better habits again but it all feels overwhelming. Timer is a good idea, trying a little bit at a time. I feel like so much time has gone by already with me feeling frozen like this.

I think generally I've always been a pretty happy optimistic person and this sudden loss totally shook me. I don't know how to get back to some sense of stability. Maybe this is just how I am now to some degree but that's really hard to deal with.