2 year old sleep- At breaking point

[AtWitsEnd21]

Hoping for some advice

DS is 2&2 months. He was an okay sleeper until Halloween. Previous to this he slept in his cot, maybe waking once for some milk but usually sleeping well.

Halloween afternoon we had a party for DCs friends on our road. DS missed his nap as he was out with DMIL who brought him home much later than expected. As a result DS fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a house full of masked, dressed up children. He got a terrible fright and cried for the whole evening. This was compounded by fireworks being let off on our green which he was terrified of. He is still talking about them (they were exceptionally loud) saying “the fireworks were too loud, I got a fright, it was scary”

Since then DS will not sleep in his own bed. He refuses to go asleep anywhere but our bed. We have to wait for him to fall asleep and then transfer him. He is often awake again by 10.30/11 and will only sleep in our bed for the rest of the night.

Older DC is 4 and has never been a good sleeper but usually requires a quick cuddle and he’s back asleep. But now between the 2 of them I am up 6-8 times a night. I get no stretch of sleep longer than 2 hours. I am often sore from sleeping on a tiny portion of available bed space.

I am at a total breaking point with exhaustion. If anyone has any advice I would be grateful .

No advice, but I understand where you are coming from. My 6 year old now sleeps in his own bed no problem, but my 3 year old will only sleep with me in her bed. If I get up in the night to go into my own bed she knows and wakes up shouting. So I share her single bed whilst hanging off due to her taking up all the room stretched out, it's tough.
Some will tell us to stand our ground, but that's hell and it's easier just to sleep with them.

Get the Ferber sleep training book for advice.

Can you put a double floor bed in his room? Sleep in there with him as needed and then gradually transition out.

Do you have a space for a camp bed/ or his bed in your room or his room?

The most important thing is that you get some sleep asap so that you can think clearly enough to start tackling it.

Or can you fork out for a trundle bed? Life changing in my experience!!

Honestly i would just get a temporary sleep set up that allowed an adult to sleep in his room for now just while he gets comfortable again.

Why isn't the other parent seeing to the other child?

His speech seems phenomenal for a 26 month old so I would start by talking to him about sleeping in his bed like a big boy. Keep talking about it for a few days.

Then one evening after your bed time routine take him up to bed and put him in his cot/bed. You lay down on the floor. He will cry/scream/shout but just tell him it's time for sleep now and to lay down. It might take hours the first few nights but after a few nights he will go to sleep without a fuss. You need to be consistent though.

Do this, we have a 4ft mattress on the floor and it's great - helps her go to sleep and if she's really struggling we can sleep in her room with her comfortably - don't do ferber or sleep training on a little one who has had such a big fright - that's quite mean!

Thanks for the replies. Yes DS has very advanced speech for his age. He is able to articulate himself tremendously which makes this even more difficult. It’s like dealing with a 3/4 year old. He is exceptional in this regard but incredibly strong willed and determined.

I asked advise on a local mums group and I got lots of suggestions of a floor bed with a gate on his door. To stay with him in there until he sleeps and gradually withdraw this support. My only reticence is that once I take down his lovely big cot bed then that’s it I can’t go back and I’m more or less stuck with the floor bed and if that doesn’t work where do I end up.

For those asking about my DH in all of this. He has mostly left night time wake ups for me to deal with however I have started to push back and if the 4 year old wakes I now leave him with the 2 year old. This came after one night about 10 days ago at 2am after a relentless night of wake ups me and the 2 DC were squished into one bed while he took off to get a full uninterrupted nights sleep and I thought why am I allowing this to happen.

I don’t really mind DC coming in for a cuddle occasionally, the biggest problem I have is now one of us has to be in bed with DS2 for up to 40 mins until he is asleep enough to transfer. On the nights when DH is away I’m trying to get them both to sleep it’s an absolute nightmare. DS4 is too young to be left to his own devices for that length of time so it’s calamitous and can take over an hour to get everyone asleep.

On the nights when DH is away I’m trying to get them both to sleep it’s an absolute nightmare. DS4 is too young to be left to his own devices for that length of time so it’s calamitous and can take over an hour to get everyone asleep.

You should sleep train them both.
It only takes three nights.
Then you'll regain your evenings and you will all be able to sleep all night long.

We did Ferber method. Hard. But resolved within 1 week.

We did it and on the third night, our toddler slept through.

I’m not comfortable with Ferber but thanks for the suggestion 🙂

But you're okay with being woken up several times every single night and spending every evening waiting with your children while they fall asleep?
I don't understand.
Ferber is quick and efficient.
It has no lasting detrimental effects.

My DS is a very bright little boy, knowing him as I do he would be very distressed if I just put him in his room and let him cry. He would simply not understand why I have left him to cry. It is not the dynamic of our family to leave our DC cry.

Today he slept in his cot for his nap which was great progress. I’m hoping we can build on this progress over the holidays. If not we will try the floor bed and gradual withdrawal of support from there

Controlled crying doesn’t work for every child and it doesn’t work for every mum. I totally get why you don’t want to try it.

My advice would be to just keep trying to put him in his cot, it won’t be forever. That said, I co- slept with all of mine! Made life easier and they all moved out of my bed, if they didn’t it would be a bit of a crush with 5 grown adults in a bed 😜😂

You don't just leave a child to cry with Ferber.

You're thinking of Cry It Out which is a different method.

Ferber is gradual and you go in to reassure your child many, many times.

In fact, it feels like it can't possibly work. Night One is very hard work and you feel like giving up, but somehow, when you're doing Night Two, it is easier and much quicker. I think it took about three - four hours the first night, and then when my DD woke again at 3am, I had to do it all again.

But on the second night, my DD seemed to have figured out that she might just as well go to sleep. It only took about an hour to get her to sleep that second night, and then she only woke back up once. I was really surprised.

On the third night, I put her in her cot and she just went to sleep. And she didn't wake up in the night either.

I wouldn't discount Ferber @AtWitsEnd21 without reading the book. For some reason it gets a bad press because some people think you just abandon your child and leave them to sob. That isn't it at all.
I do encourage you to investigate it.

The Ferber Method for Sleep Training Link

Please don't do Ferber with a child that had such a fright, it's beyond cruel.

Your son's sleep will improve once he gets over the halloween experience, he just needs a bit more time.