DD7 and separation anxiety/sleep

[Mumsfun13]

Hey everyone, please help me, we are going out of our minds. Sorry for the long post. Our DD7 is in year 3 and often a happy and confident child, lots of friends, likes various activities, has a basically happy life. Last year she had a month or so where she started struggling going into school - she would say she missed me, or was worried about missing me, and would cry going in, sometimes scream. It was awful, but the school helped and we helped her lots and it went away. She went on sleepovers, a school overnight trip, all good. She’s had the odd occasion feeling a bit shy with big groups at parties too but like I say has generally seemed a happy kid.

I thought it had gone away but since half term she has started to get super upset again anticipating various things like going to school. She’s started to talk about it very very often (eg “mummy, I’m so nervous I’m going to miss you tomorrow!”) then got extremely upset recently going to a sleepover with a family she knows well (she eventually went, had a good time and then asked me to pick up her up come 9.30 which I did and of course didn’t mind doing - they’re still young of course- it’s more the fact that she used to be fine with sleepovers and now isn’t ). Then today she got really really upset at the school Xmas concert because I couldn’t sit right behind her, and started mouthing “I don’t love you” at me because she was so sad and angry. We’ve also had a few occasions in the last fortnight where she has started refusing going to sleep entirely (including right now) - on one of these occasions we told her it was fine, ok, she could stay up, and she eventually got on the floor next to my bed and said “I need to punish myself by sleeping on the hard floor”. Such a horrible thing to hear my child say!

On the one hand I think some of this is just a sensitive child who is very tired at the end of a long term. On the other I think she has quite serious separation anxiety (only to do with me, not her dad) , and is also a bit anxiety prone in general, and I’m starting to get really worried (and also really tired and sad!).

Ang thoughts/help v gratefully received!

Have there been any other changes in her? Any OCD type behaviours? Uncharacteristic rage or other emotional changes? Any tics? Any urinary symptoms? Changes to what she's eating? I'm asking as this kind of sudden onset of separation anxiety can be a symptom of PANDAS or PANS.

No nothing like that

Any change to your family unit or stress in the family? Any change to daily routine?

My dd was identical to this.

Later diagnosed AUDHD. She slept in our room until her 13th birthday. She often struggled going into school.

As a ND girl she flew under the radar until it all came crashing down after GCSE. She got her diagnosis later.

I should add probably that she definitely doesn’t not see me! I pick the kids up everyday as I only work part time, we hang out a lot and reasonably frequently if she’s ill or her dad is away for work she’ll come and sleep in me bed. I feel like I give her a lot of my time and attention! (I don’t resent this btw, just saying for context.) I did have long covid a while back when she was v little, which limited my ability to play with the kids for a while, and I do wonder sometimes if she has some innate memory of that time playing into this… in any case not sure what to do!

I would say it’s been a bit of a stressful term yes for some personal family reasons we’ve all been a bit on edge. And also the term has been busier (year 3) just a big step up and I don’t think we’ve all adjusted yet

What other symptoms did your dd have? I wouldn’t completely rule out ND but our other DC is ND so I pay a fair bit of attention to it all, and I’m not at all convinced DD7 is…

My DD went through a clingy phase (most of her childhood!) I tried sending her in with a very small toy! No toys allowed obviously - so we had to be sneaky. I would load it with a cuddle before school, tuck it into the top of her boots and she could take it out discreetly and cash in the cuddle if she missed me.
It was a weeny crocheted chicken if I remember rightly and it sort of worked for a while then became a bit of a joke, but in a good way.
A transitional object can be quite useful but has to fit with what's allowed at school.

I was told anxiety in girls is often the first presenting symptom of ND. And is usually wrongly diagnosed as anxiety.

At 7?

Meltdiwns after school. Could be lovely but often rigid. Got overwhelmed very very easily, didn’t cope with change or transitions easily. Anxious about school particularly dress up days. very demanding.

Always scared to sleep alone. Often anxious about going to sleep.

Delightful friendly and helpful at school. We had a meeting with school and CAHMS once. She sat in the corner and refused to speak. They called her stubborn. It was actually mutism.

Shes 19 now. Been a rocky ride.

Also very sensitive to textures, clothes, food and emotions. She sucked her thumb until 15 when she had a brace.

My DD diagnosed with ASD at 17 too. First visit to CAHMS age 7.
Some kids are anxious and not ND. But it's more prevalent in children who are.

I have nothing to add but am following with interest as DS6 is exactly the same. It’s a new change in his behaviour, we’ve never had this before.

I remember being like this the first term I started senior school. Is your DDs school primary or separate infants and juniors? Could it be she’s just taking some time to get used to the new school, new routine, teachers etc.

Help her build friendships, if you believe she has separation anxiety.