Worried about 13 year old biracial daughter.

[Flippeddy]

Worried about 13 year old biracial daughter.

My daughter is half black / half white. I’m extremely worried now she’s entering her teen years that it’s only a matter of time until she encounters racism. The thought makes me feel like all my organs are being pushed through a grater. I know this isn’t helpful and I need to be strong for her and I will be but it’s almost like I’m on edge atm whenever she gets upset about something that’s happened that it’s going to be racist, even accidently racism which often happens as kids don’t know any better… it can be so subtle but the result is then internalized.

She’s been a confident child (outwardly) but I’ve noticed the confidence decreasing recently… she’s not comfortable with certain hairstyles, she’s cried because she feels ‘ugly’ and she’s commented on others being prettier than her.

I support her where I can with her racial identity and celebrate both sides although unfortunately her black grandma doesn’t want to be involved… and she’s know female relatives on that side, which I can’t fix.

I’m wondering whether I am overreacting and preempting something that is not very likely to happen… I just want to enjoy my daughter but the anxiety takes over at times. It’s hard enough growing up as a young girl without being a minority in what seems to a very harsh climate , at least politically atm.

Do you live in an area where it’s particularly racist OP? I have to DC who are mixed race albeit younger than yours and still in primary school and I’ve never felt the same way you do. We don’t live in a particularly diverse area either tbh.

If there has been no racism aimed at your family so far, it sounds as though you’re getting anxious over something that may not happen at all.

it sounds like you are doing everything you can to celebrate both cultures.

Hi @Flippeddy! I’m a mixed race mum with the same ethnicity as your daughter. FWIW, I don’t think you’re wrong to be concerned (and I live in London), but as with anything that might harm our kids, it’s always a good idea to keep our own anxieties in check, lest we project too much onto them.

It sounds like your daughter has fully arrived at her teens! But, yes, those difficult years may well be made even more challenging by racism in any/all of its forms. Sadly, that is the country we live in. All you can do is create a safe space for her to talk openly to you (even when it might make you uncomfortable), reaffirm the great young woman she is always, and expose her often to positive representations of mixedness and blackness, and positive black female role models in real life (through clubs or classes or black mums you might meet), as well as cultural figures.

That you are aware and concerned will be so helpful to her, provided you don’t let your fears about it overshadow her lived experience of it. Know that her life will at some point be marred by racism, and trust that you have raised her to be resilient and proud in the face of it.