Kids not wanting to play- Reception

[Whenlifegivesyoul3mons]

Hi to all you wise mums,
Advice would be much appreciated!
My daughter has started reception. She is very confident, bright and articulate. For context she has a younger sister in nursery and has lots of older cousins she plays with well, so knows how to interact in social settings but can be intense at times ie if likes someone really clings to them.
A strong friendship group has developed amongst a few of the girls at school - 4/5 of them. Kids and their parents all seem v nice & we thought our daughter was part of that group as they greet each other at drop off/ say bye at end of school day. But recently we’ve noticed the girls will ignore my daughter or reluctantly acknowledge her when she tries to talk to them then play together without her.
Not sure what happens during the day as we barely get any feedback from teachers.
Daughter says she is fine and names said girls when asked who she plays with, but she appears to be oblivious to them ignoring her.
It makes me so sad to think children don’t want to play with her (but accept that is life) but more that she may not realise this is the case.
Any tips or advice on how to manage?
I’ll probably speak to the teacher, would anyone directly ask the parents of the girls? Or would that be too awkward?
thanks

Kids act completely different when their parents are there…I’m sure they all play together during the day…speak to teacher if concerned x

Certainly not ask the parents — I mean, what would you be asking them, exactly? ‘Why isn’t your Ottillie playing with my Freya?’

My granddaughter goes to Reception, and she ignores every child who talks to her while we’re waiting to go in. She does have friends and is fine in school. I wouldn’t worry about it. The teachers would tell you if there was an issue.

Its really fifficult but i definitely wouldn't ask the parents. The parent could ask their child to try to include your daughter but children can he a bit mean and it might make things worse. Cant you invite other girls in her class for play dates and try to nurture other friendships?

Was thinking in case there was a recent event or something about my daughter they didn’t like or does which was making them not play with her? Then at least we could address it

I'm amazed that other parents get so invested in the friendships of a 5 year old. Teach her that if anyone is mean/rude she can go play with someone else. That's all you need to do. Let her make her own friends and model healthy friendships (as you already do with cousins sister etc).

I’ve got a dd in reception and the girl friendship shenanigans has already started, some parents are trying friendship engineering. It’s madness.
Mine thankfully is happy to play with most children and often the boys. In all honesty I’d tell your daughter to play with the boys as there’ll be less drama and if she doesn’t seem bothered the other girls will want to play again
I played with the boys a lot in the infant classes as I had girls I was good friends with but it was always full of drama

Was thinking in case there was a recent event or something about my daughter they didn’t like or does which was making them not play with her? Then at least we could address it

It's not something I would get involved in tbh. Children have their preferences in their social groups, just like adults, and it teaches them resilience to learn that. Your dd will find her tribe on her own, there's no benefit to trying to engineer the situation.

Thanks for your advice and perspective. Its been a bit full on so we havent had a chance to host any playdates, but will look to plan some after Xmas.

I’d organise play dates with a kids both in and out of that group. When little kids have a play date after school they also tend to stick together all
day.

This. Don’t ask the parents for Christ sake. Have a word with the teacher by all means, she’s obviously got the skills to get on with others and enjoys the interaction, but you can’t get too involved or invested at this age, because ‘friendships’ change like the wind.

You have to let them figure it out and if she’s saying she plays with them then she’s feeling part of it and isn’t feeling ostracised. It would be different if she was feeling left out.

If they're in reception then these kids all only met each other a few months ago, so very common for friendships to fluctuate. Over the last year or so my 6yo DD has had 4 different "best friends", which is usually the kid she sits next to in phonics, and changes if either she or the kid move to another group.

I generally just encourage her to consider all the kids in her year as friends and say hi to any/all that we meet.

or something about my daughter they didn’t like or does which was making them not play with her?

There is a lot of focus on your daughter here. We naturally want to protect our children but it is worth being mindful of how easy it is for our confirmation bias. Rather than assuming there is an imbalance in the friendship, which may or may not actually be the case, it might be helpful to gently encourage her to play with a wider range of children and to rotate playdates both within and outside the group. Children’s friendships naturally wax and wane over time.

As parents it's also worth reflecting on how much our own past experiences of friendship and popularity might be influencing our interpretation. Your daughter should feel confident in her friendships because of who she is, not because of who she feels she is expected to be. It’s very easy for any of us to slip into biases shaped by our own experiences, when the real focus should be on helping our children build confidence, resilience and a positive mindset.

That’s something to take up with the teacher, OP. Ultimately, it’s not a parent’s issue to solve if their kid doesn’t like your kid.

That’s an important point. So many posts on here about children being ‘excluded’ bristle with unresolved feelings from the poster’s own schooldays.

This.
Her school days are a marathon not a sprint, if she’s happy then just leave it.

Let her invite a couple of them over for tea on a Friday night or whatever. The social standing will naturally evolve as they grow.

Groups of friends are tough, especially at this age. Organise some play dates that are 1:1 and rotate through so everyone gets invited.