Going from one to two children, experiences?

[Gogool1738]

How tough is it to go from one to two? My first will be 3yrs 9 months when second baby is born. Honestly I have such mixed feelings about it and it’s terrible to feel this way.

I went from 1 to 2 with the same age gap as you. We did lots of preparing for baby together and my eldest was really excited, then when baby arrived she actually wasn’t interested in her at all! We found the first two weeks the hardest in terms of adjusting to having a newborn again ourselves, lack of sleep, recovering from the birth etc but also having our oldest who needed attention still (if not more than usual) and there were some pretty intense tantrums but we’re 5 months in now and they adore each other.

congrats on your pregnancy! I had my second a few months ago, 5 years between them. Everyone’s experience is unique but for me it’s been far far more straightforward than I had been led to believe, maybe due to the gap I think. I’m having a wonderful mat leave, being far more confident and relaxed, and appreciate the baby stage so much more than I was able to the first time. There are logistical elements around managing 2 (ie bedtime when one parent is out, doing school run with a baby while on mat leave etc) but on the whole it’s been a really special and enjoyable experience. For context I struggled a bit adjusting to having one and worried about going into this again. It’s been great and the gap means I can enjoy the different stages my children are at, and there are no (detectable) jealousy issues. I hope that’s helpful!

I can echo the above, 4 years 3 months between mine and it's been smooth sailing. I found the transition from going 0-1 tricky but this time around it was so much more enjoyable as I felt like I slightly knew what I was doing😂I was really nervous and had mixed feelings too before DC2 was born but she is now 19 months and it seems crazy that there was ever a time that she wasn't with us. Good luck to you❤️xx

DS1 was 3.5 when DD2 was born. DS1 absolutely doted on her and adored her.

It was much easier than going from 0 to 1. You tag team and each take one. As much as possible, keep everything the same for your older one - if in nursery, keep their nursery days, etc.

Mine have a similar age gap. I found that having a newborn for the second time was much easier and more enjoyable than the first time as you know what you're doing.
Seeing them bond and play together is lovely. They are each other's favourite people, even if they do wind each other up af times!
Mine are chalk and cheese in terms of personality which has been a surprise.

Our gap is 3y 1m.

I found it generally easier for the first 6 months when I could have the baby in a carrier. Then it got tougher.

Fast forward 2 years and it’s hell tbh. DC2 is a horrendous sleeper and is waking DC1 up, who is then knackered and tatrumy. And DC2 also has separation anxiety and is very clingy so i’m having trouble with giving DC1 the attention he deserves, including things like school reading.

They do love each other and like rough and tumble but also snatch and annoy each other.

We end up mostly taking a child each at weekends so hardly get to spend time as a family.

My gap is shorter at 2.5 years. DD is now 3.5 years and DS 11 months. We’ve found it hard work without any additional support, but often lovely. We prepared DD well and she adores her brother, but we’ve also had ups and downs with jealousy. It’s to be expected I think. It’s such a big change for them. But thankfully, for us, any negative behaviour is directed at us rather than DS.

In my experience, keeping all DD’s routines in place and holding the boundaries we’ve always had have been useful for getting us all through the tricky bits. Her jealousy intensified between 6-9 months because it was like she realised DS really wasn’t going anywhere. It’s reared its ugly head again recently, and has become a place to park her big feelings about everything. She occasionally regresses to acting like a baby, wanting to be carried everywhere, etc, and is very clingy to me. She’s an unfillable abyss when it comes to attention and when we’re altogether she gets more than poor DS, definitely! I’m told 3.5 years is a tricky time for development anyway so that’s probably what we’re experiencing.

Having a newborn is a cake-walk compared to having a toddler. Less anxiety second time around but WAY more exhaustion!

Wouldn't change it though!

Similar gap and I had it pretty easy - dc1 at nursery and then started school when dc2 was a few months old, DH had several months of paternity leave, so I was able to spend a lot of time giving dc2 one to one attention.

DCs are 7 and 3 now and love to play together, they do fight too but that's part of life with siblings. It's hard to juggle both of them sometimes compared to having just one. We don't have family around, but DH doesn't have a long commute so he is around in the morning and after school, and we spend weekends together so I'm rarely on my own with them for long.

My first was 3 and a half when I had my second, you just get on with it and try to fit the new baby into your existing routine the best you can. It’s very different from having your first, when I had DC1 I spent three months on the sofa just feeding and cuddling but you can’t do that with the second as DC1 needs feeding, taking to nursery, entertained etc. Don’t worry about it too much, and accept any offers of help but don’t always hand over your first to someone else, make sure it’s the baby sometimes too so your first still gets Mummy time.

There’s a reason most women who give up work or go part time, do it after their second child. Just getting them up and organised and out of the house then off to your own job is difficult, then there’s two chances of a child getting sick and you needing to look after them, and so on. Minding a toddler and baby simply walking to the park can be stressful! Everything will take twice as long to do. Interesting that most posters so far still have very young children. Once they get older you’ve got two sets of everything: two parent/teacher evenings, two lots of clubs that they may need ferrying to and two sets of friends to organise play dates and parties. Sure if you have a partner that makes things easier, but if you become a single parent or your partner can’t be flexible then it’s a real juggle. I’m a widow and remember running from one sport pitch to the next to watch each child on Sports Day, Saturdays I tried to alternate which child I would take to netball or footie practice (the other child going with a friend) but it didn’t always work. My youngest had to spend a lot of time hanging around waiting for the older one to get done with whatever.
My DH used to say going from one to two isn’t double the work but quadruple. And if they tend to bicker whoa. Mine did not get on that well and it was very draining.
But, I love them both and wouldn’t be without either and they rub along even if they will never be good friends (totally different personalities). They both also slept well and after the three month mark were easy to get down to sleep and minimal overnight disturbances. But it is much harder having two.

We have a 5 year gap, which helped I think as DD1 was pretty independent with getting herself dressed, teeth brushing, toileting etc...So needed less hands on parenting.

But it's honestly been lovely. DD1 is DD2's favourite person, and despite DD1's complaints of her little sister being annoying and loud (she is a bit) she bloody loves her, and is just as excited when DD2 does something new as we are.

I won't lie that it's tough. Because you have 2 you're more likely to tag team rather than 1 parent being 'on' and one 'off' so for us we've had less downtime and i've found that really hard. What I struggled with is having to maintain routine for DD1 and making DD2 fit into that.

I found going from one to two much easier than going from zero to one!

We have a very small age gap of just under two years between ours. I personally found going from 1-2 so much harder than 0-1. We’ve never had much support from family and my mental health took a bit of a dive after having DC2 so that didn’t really help matters. With one child I had so much more time and patience. DC1 had a lovely temperament and it was no trouble to take them anywhere, but DC2 was quite the opposite! It’s so different for everyone but however hard it is, you’ll find a way through!

Going from one to two children is one of the most common experiences in the history of the human race?! DS1 was 3 and a half when DS2 arrived, they’re best friends (now 13 and 9). DS2 spent a lot of time in a sling while DS1 buzzed around being busy.

I actually found it easier than adjusting to my first. And my 2nd was twins! Life is already ruined and house is already set up for babies. Plus there’s always something going on to distract the baby(s) when there’s a small child zooming around.
With nursery runs and other activities there’s a pattern to the day already so you don’t end up trying to think of things to do with a baby. Plus you may have a ready made group of parent friends.