working parent stresses

[feelingmywayinthedark]

hi everyone. I work full time and myOH does as well. He never gets flexibility and while I do, it does leave me really tired because im trying to spend time with my kids as much as possible and then working out of hours late / early to catch up on work. Today I came back on the train from work at 7 pm after a long day and I had been up since 4 am with a project i needed to finish up before leaving home at 7 am to get to a work event. when i got back my children came running to the door to see me (my mum had them today) and were bouncing up and down so excited to show me something they made. I felt really bad but all i could think was - please give me space; im exhausted; i need to eat something and drink something and sit down and totally block out all external noise and demands because it all feels a bit overwhelming. I ended up sitting them down in front of the telly while i inhaled a lot more food than needed and told them to please stop hugging me and sitting on me while i just need a bit of time to eat. i now have an online meeting tonight so i had 1 hour to tip them into bed, my little one not listening and runing around and i just dont have the energy! Im so aware of the need to spend time with our little ones, but sometimes i feel i cannot breathe for constantly having demadns on me.

my relationship is a mess - OH only ever pays me attention if we have an argument. the minute its resolved he just completely ignores me - never thinks to check in or call me or organise time together. he just doesnt "think" he says its not because he doesnt love me, just that he doesn t think that way. the problem is - he did when we were without kids and not married- 20 years ago. and i dont htink i can take on "marriage fixing" at the moment!

what would you do? the pressure and overwhelm and guilt leaves me feeling really drained - i dont socialise much at all, work is my priority in the week for my kids, and bits of time with the kids in the week before or after work if i can but otherwise its weekeends i dedicate to my kids. i envy my OH sometimes for having the ability to check out and go out with his mates or away with them sometimes and not feel the weight of mumguilt.

any ideas on how to take this on would be really appreciated!

I'd look for a job that doesn't expect you to get up at 4am to wfh before then working a long day involving being out of the house for 12 hours and then go back on-line for a further meeting that night

It's not your dc or your OH who are the issue here it is either your lack a reasonable contract with your employers.

I think the first thing is to sit your DH down and go through what needs to be done at home and then divide that into two equal parts.

If his excuse is he 'doesn't think that way' then decide together, write it down, both agree. When he doesn't do it, he will at least have to admit that he doesn't do it because he can't be bothered/is lazy/is a shit Dad. If he does do his share, then you've had a good result.

As part of this conversation think about whether you can afford extra help in the home, be that childcare/cleaner/ironing service/dog walker. Anything that can take the pressure off a bit.

How old are your children? Are they doing what they should be around the house?

After this, I would look at what changes can be made at work. Are you WFH as much as possible? Can you 'buy' extra holiday days and use them to just decompress/catch up on stuff? Is it worth looking for a less stressful role or a role that is nearer to home?