Struggling as a parent for my 1.5 year old

[Tinydancer35]

I have 1.5 year old and I’m struggling. For a short period it felt ok, but now it’s like back to square one. She doesn’t sleep trough the night. I have fallen into co-sleeping trap which I hate but I’m too exhausted and too stressed to do any sleep training.

DD is so clingy she constantly wants to be be held, constantly unhappy, whining, can’t play independently 2min is max and then just wants to be held. I’m trying not give in but sometimes nothing works. She is the same in the nursery.
Mealtimes are constant moaning too. Picky eater.
I can’t shower or go to toilet, it’s instant tears when I’m not around, DH can’t do anything she just doesn’t settle without me.

I feel like I’m burning out, there are days when I hit the roof and scream at her. Her whining is so hard to handle, I’m constantly overstimulated.

Also no medical concerns, she is healthy but doesn’t speak much.I blame this behaviour on lack of communication skills otherwise I don’t know what else this could be.

I struggle to entertain her, not interested in any of her toys. I really don’t know what to do with her?
We go out for walks but she is not great walker, will walk couple meters and then wants to be held, doesn’t want to sit in the buggy either. She has grown out of baby carriers and my back can’t them them anyways.

Before anyone asks, no family to help, DH is trying his best but he works long hours. Also I’ m back to full time, working compressed hours with one day off. Work is stressful, still I prefer to be at work than at home.

I have completely lost myself no hobbies or any interests. I’m so exhausted by the time I get to bed I scroll on my phone and go to bed.

This is fucking miserable life, when does this get better?

If she’s in Nursery, how is she there? Is she happy and settled? Have they raised any concerns over her behaviour or speech?

You do sound totally overwhelmed with it all. Losing your temper to that extent could be PND, have you had any support for this already?

As for her sleep. It could be that she needs physical touch from you of you’re both working all day. You could try upping her touch in the daytime, maybe a little massage before bed?

Does your DH give you much time alone without DD? If not I woukd he very clear with him. He needs to start taking her out regularly avd letting you have a couple of hours without her around. Soft play, the park, swimming, it doesn’t really matter where they go. DD will start to realise that DH can tend to her needs and you’ll get some time where you can do something for yourself, even if that’s just having an hour of sleep.

I can only suggest getting your DH involved more. Practice cot naps. Get him to do settles in the night. Get him to entertain your DD so you can shower and have 90 mins to yourself on a Saturday and Sunday. You might have to start shorter and build up, but both of them have to get used to it!

My 18 month old is currently insisting on being carried outside but I think it's the cold, because that's much better at home or in shops. I am weaponising the following to the toilet behaviour by getting mine to sit on the potty at the same time as I wee.

I've had some success getting my toddler playing with a toy if I sit on the floor nearby with a book.

She's 18 months, screaming at her is really not ok. I have an almost 18 month old and work full time. Yes, they are full on. But they're still tiny and need you.

DH and I alternate mornings off. I do all wakings, including morning, as I am breastfeeding. However, he takes him to the park and a cafe so I have 2-3 hours to myself. I do this on a Sunday for him.

Mine is super clingy too and I find the only way is for me to not be there. If I'm not there, he's fine. If I'm there, he will not be more than 1 foot away from me at all times.

18mo is tough as they are developing really quickly and often mentally a lot further ahead than they are physically/verbally capable. How long has she been like this?

What do you do with her at home? What toys does she have? How is she at nursery?

She sounds quite normal to me. My kids slept horribly until well after age 2. Yes it’s frustrating and exhausting, but with lots of lovely moments too. You sound like you’re really struggling. I’m wondering if counselling would help you to think about all this.

18 month olds are such hard work, it’s my absolute worst age. Hang in there, it will get better soon x