Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Putting 4 month old to bed a few hours before us.. is this ok?

41 replies

areandare · 01/12/2025 14:02

My little boy is almost 4 months old. We have gotten him into a really good sleeping routine and he often sleeps through the whole night (6:30-7pm until 6am) if he does wake, it’ll be at around 3am for a feed but then straight back to sleep.

Anyway, over the past week or so I have been taking him up to bed with his last bottle and putting him down in his next to me crib for the night. I have been putting the baby monitor on and going downstairs to have my dinner and to go in the shower etc. I usually go up to bed at around 9pm ish. I obviously go in and check on him a lot during this time as well as watching him like a hawk on the monitor.

I was doing some googling yesterday and realised that this is really frowned upon and that you should not leave a baby sleeping in a room alone at all until 6 months old. I feel awful now and quite anxious about doing it, from tonight I will stay in the bedroom with him once he falls asleep but I didn’t realise there was anything wrong with having a few hours out of the room with the monitor on and regular checks!

Did anybody else ever do this? Is this really not ok? Any advise / opinions welcome!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
areandare · 01/12/2025 20:59

@WrittenThatWayahh that makes sense! Thank you. I did wonder what difference it’d make but now that you say that i understand, I was thinking of it from a watching them POV

OP posts:
drspouse · 01/12/2025 21:01

ReluctantSwimMum · 01/12/2025 20:43

You are incorrect. The SIDS guidance in the UK (Lullaby Trust) was the same when my child was born over 13 years ago. Babies were/are not advised to sleep or nap alone until over 6 months old. Lots of people misinterpreted the guidelines, but I remember distinctly and followed these guidelines.

Show quote history

Well, I don't know why I didn't, but I never heard that guidance when mine were babies. So perhaps I mean, I'd be interested to see if there has been a change in parenting practice if the guidance has been more closely followed now more people are aware.

VikaOlson · 01/12/2025 21:45

areandare · 01/12/2025 19:38

Thanks everyone. It’s interesting to hear so many mixed views on this.

His routine is so good now. Bed by 7:30pm the latest and sleeps all night happily in his crib. I think for my own peace of mind I will just stick to staying in my bedroom for the night. I will need to go in the shower and have something quick to eat, but I can watch him on the monitor while I’m doing that (or get my partner to sit with him) then just chill in my bed next to him for the evening.

I am a worrier so now that I’ve heard that it’s not advised I probably will steer away from leaving him in the room alone. I don’t fully understand though, what about when I’m fast asleep next to him? Technically, having the monitor on him and doing regular checks is more supervision than when I’m asleep isn’t it?

One thing that I wasn’t prepared for before having a baby was the worrying, there’s always something new to worry about and I bet it gets more as they get older

I don't think the research shows why having someone (awake or asleep) in the room is a protective factor, all they know is that those babies are less likely to die.
It doesn't seem to be anything to do with monitoring or checking, and there are theories that maybe babies sleep more lightly with someone else there, or hear breathing etc. But it's not like that can do an experiment to prove it one way or the other, it's just a correlation.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep
VikaOlson · 01/12/2025 21:46

drspouse · 01/12/2025 21:01

Well, I don't know why I didn't, but I never heard that guidance when mine were babies. So perhaps I mean, I'd be interested to see if there has been a change in parenting practice if the guidance has been more closely followed now more people are aware.

Show quote history

My eldest is 15 and we definitely knew then that the baby should be in your room til 6 months.

PersephoneParlormaid · 01/12/2025 21:49

I did it, with a baby monitor and lots of checking. You’ve got to have a shower or a poo, put a wash on, make a butty.

DeliciouslyBaked · 01/12/2025 21:51

Do you have a tv in your bedroom, OP? What i did with both of mine at this stage was pop them in the next2me, let them get into a proper sleep and then just sit in bed watching tv (very quietly with subtitles on) or reading a book / doomscrolling MN on my phone. DH would bring me up snacks and drinks or come and sit upstairs with me as well. ☺️ It's a couple of months until you can leave baby alone and 4months is peak SIDS risk, so I really never wanted to risk it. It flies by so quickly.

ParisianLady · 01/12/2025 21:51

We did this with our three at this age once they were sleeping well in the evening, monitor on (also used a mat one, in response to the question it goes off at very deep sleep. So the baby is alive but hasn’t taken a breath for too long) Always in our room until 6 months.

We were in London, so I doubt it was ever very quiet at 7-10pm with traffic noise, car horns, our tv and us moving about, plus older children.

drspouse · 01/12/2025 21:53

VikaOlson · 01/12/2025 21:46

My eldest is 15 and we definitely knew then that the baby should be in your room til 6 months.

Show quote history

In your room at night yes. Never sleeping in a room on their own even for naps or early evening, no. None of my HV, our GP, or any of the prenatal groups attended by my large circle of mum friends specified more than "share a room at night when you also are asleep".

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/12/2025 21:55

Mine were in their own rooms by 12 weeks sleeping 7-7. I was happy with my risk assessment that SIDS would be incredibly unlikely and the benefits of eating dinner in peace, spending time with DH, improved mental health etc were really, really huge.

Anonna123 · 01/12/2025 21:56

areandare · 01/12/2025 14:02

My little boy is almost 4 months old. We have gotten him into a really good sleeping routine and he often sleeps through the whole night (6:30-7pm until 6am) if he does wake, it’ll be at around 3am for a feed but then straight back to sleep.

Anyway, over the past week or so I have been taking him up to bed with his last bottle and putting him down in his next to me crib for the night. I have been putting the baby monitor on and going downstairs to have my dinner and to go in the shower etc. I usually go up to bed at around 9pm ish. I obviously go in and check on him a lot during this time as well as watching him like a hawk on the monitor.

I was doing some googling yesterday and realised that this is really frowned upon and that you should not leave a baby sleeping in a room alone at all until 6 months old. I feel awful now and quite anxious about doing it, from tonight I will stay in the bedroom with him once he falls asleep but I didn’t realise there was anything wrong with having a few hours out of the room with the monitor on and regular checks!

Did anybody else ever do this? Is this really not ok? Any advise / opinions welcome!

Of course it's ok. We didn't use a monitor, I just checked in every 20 mins or so. Nothing will happen to a four month old baby in a safe sleeping environment ❤️

Hdpr · 01/12/2025 22:09

I’d follow the guidelines. They are there for a reason.
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/

ReluctantSwimMum · 01/12/2025 22:14

drspouse · 01/12/2025 21:53

In your room at night yes. Never sleeping in a room on their own even for naps or early evening, no. None of my HV, our GP, or any of the prenatal groups attended by my large circle of mum friends specified more than "share a room at night when you also are asleep".

Show quote history

Respectfully, you are still wrong. And I remember lots of parents on Mumsnet at the time also being wrong/misunderstanding (my eldest was born over 13 years ago).

The guidelines have long been that all sleep - not just night time - should be accompanied for babies under six months.

Sixesandsevens67 · 02/12/2025 02:25

I think it’s honestly fine. We did this. You sound like a good parent. Trust your instinct!

BlaBlaBla87436780087 · 02/12/2025 03:19

oh goodness yes of course you put him down and then go enjoy your evening!! Surely he naps alone so this is no different…

Timeforabitofpeace · 02/12/2025 04:49

Most cases of SIDS are between 1-4 months and.

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sids.html

Alexadidzammomarryjackie · 02/12/2025 05:11

I did the same as you have been once mine was in a bedtime routine (of her own design really, I did not impose one) so she'd be asleep upstairs by 7 each night from 3 months. The research around the breathing thing was irrelevant in our case so for me, as long as all other conditions were optimal, I was happy to leave her sleep and have a couple of hours before I went to bed.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page